4 year old SD wanting to stay full time at BM free for all house. Acting out. Help!!
My 4 year old SD does not want to come over anymore. When my husband goes to pick her up from her BM she ignores him, acts like a baby and whines. But 15 min with us her personality completely changes. Today she said she doesn't want to come over and stay at mommys all the time. I told her that if she doesn't want to be a part of the family she won't be able to see her grandparents or puppies or anyone, she said okay and she just wants to always stay at mommys. Even after telling her it hurt us she thought that. And I asked if she was sure. Once again said yes. Later on in the day I asked her about what she said and she had the same response. She is pretty advanced for a four year old and grasps things that an older child should. Her BM house she rules the roost. Does what she wants, sleeps in bed every night with her BM
and has no bed time. Every time they go out her BM will buy my SD a toy. The other day she bluntly told me after me saying i was not going to buy her a toy that her mommy does and if i dont she said said " i will just throw a fit then" Her BM just let's her play on the lap top an watch tv all day. I know this is coming from her house being a free for all and our house having structure and rules. How do I stop this resentful behavior and acting out before it ony get worse? It is only bad the first few hours or first night we get her from her BM. We have her half the time and this behavior happens quite often! I knew this day would come bc of the two very different households but not at age 4. Help!!
Let her spend more time with
Let her spend more time with BM....I suggest, she sounds full on already!
This is just my honest
This is just my honest opinion:
Stop asking a 4 year old what she wants. That child's brain is by no means capable of making a decision. Think about it, most 4 year olds could be over tired, head nodding, eyes already closed and will fuss in an attempt to avoid a nap they desperately need.
When she mentions it, simply reply with "That is not your choice/decision to make."
When she acts out advise her she now has a choice to make, she can behave and have privileges or continue to misbehave and get a time out/not watch her favorite tv program/not be able to ride her bike/pick an appropriate punishment.
One kudo I will readily give to my FDH is that when his kids as preteens and young teens tried the "we are staying at x house" he quickly advised them no, they weren't. The decision was not theirs to make, they were children and got to follow the decisions of the adults like it or not.
ps: they were trying to stay with him full time!
^^^This is EXACTLY how my
^^^This is EXACTLY how my SD14 was raised by DH and BM. They both see the mistakes now in letting her rule the roost and make her own rules. She's now a mouthy, entitled teenager who has engaged in sex and risky sexual activities at age 13. DH said "if only I had stepped up as a parent earlier, but BM wouldn't have it".
Now BM continues to allow SD full reign at her home and when DH put his foot down with SD, she refused to come over. We had a nice summer with no SD, but now she's been forced to come back and my life is Hell again.
In my opinion, if this 4 yr old is permitted to make her own decisions and rule her parents, she'll end up just like my SD or even worse!
Time to make DAD step up and be a parent.
I answered your other post.
I answered your other post. I also agree with what the other said.
A four year old does not get to decide visitation. Like Echo said, you better get this under control NOW.
Thank you guys. And it's not
Thank you guys. And it's not really the fact she rules the roost here I simply wanted to hear what she had to say. She gets punished quite often toys taken away at one point her entire room was off limits aside from books. It's just her drastic change in personality in transition from household to household. And we are for sure not going to let her live at her BM. I just don't know what other punishing I can do different aside from the water bottle comment!! She is just so rude and acts like her BM soon it scares me. But give it two days having her here and there's no need for discipline at all. She listens perfectly and is polite and mannered. This happened when we were getting her to use the potty. She would leave our house not even needing to wear a Pull up and when we would get her back she would be in diapers. That's only 3 or 4 days! Her BM worked with her zero. She reverts back to baby at her BM.
Thank you guys. And it's not
Thank you guys. And it's not really the fact she rules the roost here I simply wanted to hear what she had to say. She gets punished quite often toys taken away at one point her entire room was off limits aside from books. It's just her drastic change in personality in transition from household to household. And we are for sure not going to let her live at her BM. I just don't know what other punishing I can do different aside from the water bottle comment!! She is just so rude and acts like her BM soon it scares me. But give it two days having her here and there's no need for discipline at all. She listens perfectly and is polite and mannered. This happened when we were getting her to use the potty. She would leave our house not even needing to wear a Pull up and when we would get her back she would be in diapers. That's only 3 or 4 days! Her BM worked with her zero. She reverts back to baby at her BM.
Had the same issue but SD was
Had the same issue but SD was 5. It was amateur dramatics on pick up that in the end I stopped picking her up and she came over later when DH finished work.BM ENCOURAGED the behaviour right in front of me and I told her fine take her, DH will call you- she soon packed her off with me lol!! As soon as we got into the house it was fine but then flared up again at bedtime ' I want mummy', which really hurt DH.But again it was because everyone was giving her too many choices rather than telling her what to do. Like DH asks them what they want for dinner ALL the time, to me this should be a weekend treat, obviously that stopped when I told him to cook everything.
What we done was tell her she is being very hurtful, even used crocodile tears. Told BM to stop babying her (SD wont socialise at all) and for 2 stays (overnight) we sent her straight to bed after dinner, whilst we played with YSD. She hated that! and now cant wait to come over.Tough love is the only way and to make her jealous of what shes missing out on.
good luck!! I know I wanted to chuck her back at BM coz I dont need that shit after work! BM do you know what work even is...thought not!
Once again it's not her
Once again it's not her making that decision it's the thought behind her saying that and acting out. There's is in no way shape or form her actually deciding on anything like that.
Harleyquinn- thank you for relating!! Tough love it is! And sounds just like my situation.