I hate having my 4 year old SD at our house.. I'm lost please help.
I married my husband knowing he had a daughter.. from a one night stand in high school. She was 11 months when I met him. She is 4 1/2 now. We have a 9 month old son together as well. My SD mother is seriously the biggest POS ever. I swear all she cares about it the $90 every two weeks we give her for child support because she is considered custodial parent even thought we have her equal times. My husband makes way more money than she ever will. She lives with her dad and has bounced houses quite a bit since I met him. She works at a gas station this week!
Any who she is a terrible mother, that little girl has ZERO rules or structure at that house. She gets to sit on a lap top all day and thats it. She is not made to eat good, nap, go to bed at a certain time, or get dressed. She allows her to leave the house in a nightgown and no shoes. She doesn't have a bed at her moms house but sleeps in bed with her. The mother introduces new men to her all the time. So now a 4 year old tells me its cool to have new boyfriends.
I like my house structured and have rules and she seriously just fucks it up constantly. Puts all of us out of whack when she is over here. I HATE IT. It is peaceful and calm and routine when she is gone. She never stops. She is disrespectful, doesn't listen, she is a filthy mess when we get her. She thinks she can do whatever she wants when she wants because that is what her mother has taught her. She interrupts constantly and is unable to be by herself for any time period. She is mean to my son and I just am not being able to take it anymore. I know about 90% of it is her mother and how she is raising her but jesus its hard. It's so hard being a step parent.
I'm loosing it. My husband and I are fighting because of it.
I'm resenting her. I know I shouldn't but I do. I don't like her over here. I don't know where to turn or what to do to make it better.
Please help me before it gets worse. :?
My husband is very good about
My husband is very good about taking charge with her.. It take up up until the day she goes back to her mothers house to "re group" and get with our flow of things. Then it's back to square one again when we pick her up. It's utter chaos up until then. When we were potty training her it was the same thing, she left in underwear came back in a diaper. And the process continued until we went on vacation and fully potty trained her. Mother is lazy.
Why are you blaming this on
Why are you blaming this on mom? She has no control over what happens in your house.
A working BM is a good thing. I wish BM2 would get a job. I would jump for joy uf that lazy cow had a job in a gas station, fast food place, cleaning pig ....
^^^Yep. Kids learn pretty
^^^Yep. Kids learn pretty quick that there are different expectations at different households and what they can and cannot get away with. Just keep enforcing your rules at your place.
Ain't no ONE dancing in the
Ain't no ONE dancing in the streets over a lousy $45 a week. You can't go out to eat for that.
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I totally agree. I barely get out of a Target trip with less than a $100 total.
I know how frustrating it is
I know how frustrating it is to share an SD with a crappy, rule-less BM for half of the time. You are right..by the time they get used to the rules again it's time to go back to shitty bio mothers place. I can tell you that it gets easier as they get older though. My SD was a freaking nightmare at that age but now, at 8, is just much better. We have her full time now though, so that is most likely why.
5050 custody seems so harmful sometimes..for the child and for the people involved. Everyone suffers and everyone is on edge trying to make this normal life of having someone living with you only half of the time. I hated it so much and would dread SD coming back over.
And of course, no matter what, Skids will always side with and worship BM.
I'd say just keep enforcing the rules. Maybe your husband will wind up with full custody one day, or maybe BM will, but whoever does, it will make SD more stable and more situated as a person.
Just wait until she is in real school and you have to deal with homework and school stuff. HOpefully BM is on the same page as you when it comes to all of that.
Thank you!! My husband will
Thank you!! My husband will be done with his masters next April. We are planning on taking her back to court then but I don't have any actual "proof" she is an unfit parent. I don't think we would be able to get full custody, maybe something close. School scares me. If BM can't get her to get dressed how the heck will she be able to get her to do homework.?? I don't want a failure of a SD. Taking her back to court anytime soon would not be good. We both work full time, him nights, myself days and he's finishing up school. I don't think it would look good if we did it now.
Dad must think the kid is
Dad must think the kid is fine with her mom.
If he really felt mom was unfit, then he would act now, not wait until the timing was good for him.
Why would we waste 10 grand
Why would we waste 10 grand fighting her in court for nothing in the long run... ? For them to say oh hey you guys work too much? Instead if waiting 9 months and we have the perfect household to show for.. Sorry were not made of money. And it's not unfit to the point of she's in danger immediately. It's hey where is this kids head and life going to be at the age of 10?
Thing is, Dad may not get
Thing is, Dad may not get anywhere with it in two years, either. What change of circumstance will he claim to change the custody arrangement?And that means in the child's life - not his.
We want her more of the week
We want her more of the week days and to have custodial parenting so she goes to school in our district. We know BM has no interest in the well being Of my SD in the long run. We want her to succeed in school.. We want to make sure she's on time and from the start learns how to complete and do normal school work. Not wait until she's in 8th grade and she has zero knowelegede of studying. BM is a dropout and has never went back. And if she's here more we will have more control over her attitude and the way she acts more of the time. Hoping to improve the situation where I hate her coming over bc I hate the way she acts... Stemming from when we first pick her up from her BM.
Your husband has a ton of
Your husband has a ton of time with his child now.
If he hasn't been able to get/keep a 4 year old in line, what makes you think he will be able to handle a 7, 9, or 12 year old?
For one the child is 4,
For one the child is 4, expectations of a four year old should be limited. I think you are allowing your dislike of the BM to cloud your judgment and you are now manifesting that dislike on to a 4 year old. If you have been around since the child was a baby and you and your husband have this child 50% then you and your husband own 50% of her behavior- good and bad. All you can do is take care of your household the way you see fit. The child will know how to act and what is expected of her in your home.