3yrold ruining relationship
So glad I have found this site!!
my BF and I have been together a year. He has a 3 year old from another relationship and this child is seriously running the show.
My career is in the field with children and behaviors and children with unique and different needs. And I am stumped.
There is no structure with this child... no set bedtimes, has his food FED to him, calls all the shots and worse of all, is very mean to my dogs. He has been disciplined and scolded for his behavior to the dogs but nothing is working and now they are afraid of him. (I forgot to mention, I moved in with him a few months back, not knowing just how bad this all was) Whenever he's here (every evening til about 10 pm... and on weekends) I have incredible anxiety, feel like a baby sitter and don't want to leave the couch with my dogs so they aren't getting kicked.
Yes I have talked about this to his dad but he shuts down and gets defensive. I have a LOT of trainings and knowledge with behaviors but can't utilize anything if it's not consistent throughout the house hold.
im in tears writing this because this isn't what I thought I was getting into with this child. My sons are older teens and I NEVER had these problems. I love this man a lot but his son is starting to ruin us.
what do I do?
Hi, welcome!
Hi, welcome!
It's not the son who is starting to ruin you, it's your SO's terrible, neglectful parenting (yes, what he's doing is neglectful of his son's needs for structure and appropriate parenting - why is a 3 yo up until 10 every night?)
I'd be inclined to move out again until/unless he's willing to work on his parenting skills and discipline his son. At least find a place for your dogs to go so they aren't being abused by this kid.
I'm not sure how long you will love and respect this man if this goes on.
SS is not ruining your
SS is not ruining your relationship.
Your SO's inability to properly parent is ruining his son.
Kids do what they are allowed and your SO is the exact reason the child is the way he is.
Rather than blaming a child and giving a neglectful or indifferent father a free pass, see the problem for what it is and who needs to be blamed.
While you are at it, move out or rehome your dogs.
They do not deserve to be mistreated because of your relationship choices.
Animals being mistreated or abused is a line too far for me.
You know the truth. The 3
You know the truth. The 3 year old is not ruining your relationship. You are not stumped. You know where the problem lies. The lack of parenting by the father, your boyfriend, is the problem.
If you believe there is hope for this relationship you can try getting your boyfriend to couples counseling. If he opens his eyes and wants to change, there is hope. And change he needs to make. If you think it is hard now, realize that unless boyfriend actually parents it will get worse as the child ages.
Right now you need to protect your dogs. You need to not have them there when the child is there. No matter how hard you try to protect your dogs, the child in the house at the same time is an accident waiting to happen. If you do not separate them, make sure you have a boatload of liability insurance. If the dogs react to the child's treatment of them, you will be sued.
The child isn't running the
The child isn't running the show (nor is he the one ruining your relationship), your BF is bad at parenting.Three year olds do not set structure for themselves, nor give themselves bedtimes. This is all on your boyfriend.
What do you do? You move back out. Maybe re-evaluate if this is the kind of person that you want to be with.
Your SO is your main problem
His lack of parenting is the main course. This will never change, he does not even see it. Time to move out
When he kicks your dogs grab
When he kicks your dogs grab him by the scruff of the neck and apply the side of your foot to his backside then explain to him that if he kicks he gets kicked.
Or... get a bigger more assertive dog that will eat the little shit if he kicks the dog.
Of course you realize the problem is your BF..... right?
Get out while you can
I really feel for you!!
I've been with my SO for five years, since his son was 2 I have my own son who was 4 when we got together and things were bad with his son when we first got together and I'd love to tell you they got better and now we are a happy family but no..
Trust me, all the love you have for this guy is not going to be enough to combat how you feel about his son. If I could go back I would have left before we had a child together because I loathe his son so much. He is with us every weekend and I still get the worst anxiety every Friday knowing he will be there when I get home. He is horrible to me, my older son and our youngest boy. I thought it would get better as he got older but it gets worse and worse.
Parents who can’t cope with a
Parents who can’t cope with a 3 year old are not going to magically get better at parenting.
This man does not parent his kid. Even worse he does not have enough respect in you and your professional and personal knowledge to seek, listen to and follow your advice. Move out and move on.