I am going through a hard time right now. I apologize if this if all over the place, my brain is working overtime and i have so much to say.

I was single mom for 5yrs, I have a 21yr old Daughter and a 19yr old Son. The son lives with myself and my new hubby. New hubby has an 11yr old daughter half time. Never-mind the differences in parenting, everything was going well, my son walked me down the aisle, he was my biggest wedding planner at the start, my hubby even asked both kids for 'permission' to marry me. My son did say "what if we say no" my hubby said that it an issue that would be discussed and he would re-think the proposal. My son was ok with that and gave his 'permission' perse.

My son and I are very close and for the first few months of the new cohabitation, thing were good. Son would ask hubby for help with school work, for looking for a car, for help selling stuff online and they went to the gym a couple of times...things were going well, so i thought. About 3 months ago, my son stopped talking to my hubby. he is going down a path i did not have mapped out for him, I don't know who his friends are or where he goes, I do know he likes to drink and has dabbled in pot.

He doesn't like my husband now; says 'he is weird' and needs to mind his own business'. Hubby likes to know what is going on in the neighbourhood...i find it annoying at times too, but is not horrible - living with people is all about compromise and challenges. It has been my son and I for 5yrs and when I was married before, my ex didn't do much with our son, so really, I feel I have been a single mom since the start, even tho i was married.

New Hubby, now that we are living together, i notice is not as tidy as I am (I am a little anal when it comes to kitchen and sink cleanliness & my son is also a bit OCD about that stuff too...my fault prob), hubby and I talked about it and he is getting better, my son thinks he is a slob (he is far from a slob). My hubby likes to watch CNN ALL THE TIME, and there are other quirks...we all have quirks of some sort...things my son has not had to deal with before and I guess they are all piling up and now, my son doesn't talk to my hubby. It is affecting our marriage, as I am so close to my son & I admit that I do feel some responsibility, I got remarried, and I uprooted him to a new home with new people...not his choice. He is free to move out, he is old enough, but he knows a good thing when he has it, even if he complains about my hubby. but if my son is not happy, I am not and if hubby isn't happy, then I am not.

Hubby doesn't trust my son. Hubby is in a line of work where he finds it hard to trust people and that is challenging for us so to gain his trust, but to lose it is hard to get it back. He knows he has to separate work from home, and he is trying. My hubby does like my son and would and has done anything for him, he will always have his back.

My son has a great life, he is going to school & working full time, so doesn't have to pay rent and only pays his own bills etc...oh gosh, there is so much to say.

Long story short, I am a fixer and want everyone to be happy. I know everyone has to create their own happiness and I am not responsible for the way people feel or their emotions....before anyone says anything, I am not prepared to tell my son to move out and my hubby would never ask that of me. BUT this lack of respect, even tho I have talked to my son a number of times and he is a good kid and knows better, he is caring, loving and respectful (except for now) he is being disrespectful to my hubby, but he will talk to my stepdaughter if she talks to him first - but if hubby is in the room, he won't. I can deal with the disrespect he dishes to me, as the bio mom, but my hubby can't live like this much longer and I am in the middle. Hubby has come face to face with my son and son says "I am not ignoring you and I have just been working a lot". That is not true, even when my hubby says Hi as he is walking across the room son ignores him. Not really sure why.

My daughter, she thinks my hubby is great - she doesn't live at home but is a good judge of character and calls him her stepdad and talks about him to people and she has a good relationship with her father. My son, has no relationship with his bio-dad....never really did. We are wondering if maybe he feels he was getting close to new hubby and maybe it scared him? We are assuming many things because he won't really say other than 'he is weird' and 'needs to mind his own business' and does annoying things and is a slob - that is no reason to ignore. 19yr old brain is still growing and he may or may not know what he is doing...could be anything at this age i guess...could be blatantly trying to destroy marriage, but today, he asked "what drew you to him when you first met him" I didn't tell him, that isn't his business, but gave him a generic answer.

Hubby and I are going to counselling (hard on me tho...feel like it is all about my son and I take the responsibility...right or wrong, I do at times), and she has said that we have to take back control and not let him see he is getting the best of us and coming between us - even if we have to fake it. we are tying some new 'strategies' and did catch him off guard yesterday and he actually said 3 words to my hubby, but today....back to square one...always over menial stuff.... there is more some passive aggressive stuff on my hubby's part too...so my son is not totally at fault. I have had to ask my hubby not to compare the perfect 11yr old who can do no wrong to the slightly flawed 19yr old who is finding his way...when we have private convos....my 19yr old was once a perfect 11yr old who knew right from wrong and did everything he was asked too.

I guess I just want to know if others are going thru stuff like this with adult/teen kids and how to get thru it. I just want everyone to be happy. They don't have to like each other or have long in-depth conversations but be cordial and respectful.

Thanks in advance for not judging me and for any helpful suggestions to help guide me through this new territory of cohabitation with kids.