Need help with 13 year old SS
I'm new here so please bear with me. My husband and I have been married a little over a year. He was a widower with 3 boys. They are now 17, 15, and 13. The two oldest act like most teenagers and have attitudes at times but for the most part they are respectful and do as they are told. Its the youngest. My husband has taken him to counseling, a children's clinic in Colorado for children of alcoholics ( their BM drank), we've talked to him, taken away electronics, toys, you name it, we've tried it.
The thing is, he continually is very disrespectful of me (the most) but also his brothers and his dad. He talks back, rolls his eyes, gestures likes who cares when you correct him for anything, takes things that aren't his and when asked why he says cause he wanted to. He does what he wants and not what he's told. Again when asked he says cause he wanted to.
He has chores that he does slower than a turtle and never correctly. When he does something wrong, he just leaves it and knows he won't have to do it again. He does his own laundry but puts sticks and pens and stuff in the washer and dryer even when asked to check his pockets. His room smells and he won't clean it. He doesn't take showers daily. I hate the way he eats, he's like a slob. He puts bites 3 times larger in his mouth and then can't close his moth to chew and its disgusting to watch and hear. When I say something about it He shoots me dirty looks and doesn't stop. He acts like he needs to eat the fastest so that no one eats more than him. That is when he likes what I cook. When he doesn't, it takes him 3 hours to finish his dinner. That's most of the time.
Now his dad is the disciplinary but I'm the stay at home wife (it's what my husbands wants) so I get the brunt of the attitude and verbal abuse when his dad isn't home. I've been told that he hates me, he balls his fists up when I ask him to do something, he ignores me completely at times Like I'm not even there. I'm at my wits end. What do we do next? My husband does back me and sets him straight for the way he acts towards me but nothing seems to faze him. I don't even want him to eat dinner with us because i don't want him to be around me and I don't want to do anything for him even cook for him. I ignore him and have him stay in his room when his dad isn't home but I don't think I can do this for 5 more years. Help!!!
For starters, unless you have
For starters, unless you have some other safety net, rethink the stay at home wife gig, whether your husband wants it or not. A problematic stepchild is often something a marriage doesn't survive, and you need to protect yourself. Also, why would you want to be at home when this kid who hates you and disrespects you is there and your husband isn't? You need a reason to not be there. Your husband backing you isn't enough if it doesn't make the kid stop what he's doing.
What do YOU want? Do you want
What do YOU want? Do you want to stay at home with a disrespectful, rotten kid who treats you like crap? I sure wouldn't. Not sure why a stay-at-home parent is needed for teenagers, and certainly not poorly behaved ones.
You say your DH "backs you" and "sets him straight", but what does that mean? He needs to be the primary parent and be giving this kid consequences, not lectures and talking-to about this behavior.
This sounds just like my SS
I completely feel for you here! Altho my SS is 9, not 13 (so at least you're closer to the finish line!). But for as long as I have been around (6 years) it was been the same as you've described. Granted the kid was 3 so initially it wasn't that bad, but it very early on started. Mainly with him taking things that weren't his, being told to do something and not doing it, or flat out lying about things (I realize a pretty normal 5 year old behavior, but without some sort of correction that turns into a 9 year old doing the same thing, or a 13 year old.. only none of our corrections have worked.) He does what he wants and not what he's told, and he too says it's because he wants to. He rarely listens to his dad or I when we tell him something and if he does listen, he only half listens because he doesn't actually do what we asked. It literally takes him an hour to sweep the floor and when he's done there is still stuff everywhere, like what were you actually doing kid?! I again realize no one really likes to do chores, but the other kids have chores they are asked to do too and they do them, he is not special and just doesn't have to because he doesn't want to. We will be talking to him about something he's done, and he will just stand there and not say anything. Like he has completely shut off and isn't listening at all. Both of my SKids (I also have a SD11) have told me they hate me and wish I weren't around.
My husband doesn't tolerate the behavior, and him and I are a pretty strong team when it comes to parenting, but it doesn't make a difference in SS's behavior. I see the other comments where everyone is wondering how DH backs you, but if it's as similar to my situation, then he backs you by not allowing his SS to just do these things and get away with it... even tho it still seems like he gets away with it since it doesn't stop. But it doesn't mean DH isn't TRYING to correct it and stand by you in this stressful situation. I really do feel for you! I hope you get some let up... I know I pray for it daily! I too stay home, altho I am lucky enough to get to work from home so I am preoccupied during the day, but it doesn't change the fact that I'M the one home all day with the kids, having to listen to all the BS.
That sounds just like my
That sounds just like my household. We are a United front and I stay home because he wants to take care of me. I choose to stay home, he doesn't make me. The half ass listening also happens here, stand there and not saying anything or act like he is listening when he is talked to. Thank you for the encouragement!
Your SS's are teens. Let
Your SS's are teens. Let their father take care of them. If he wants to support you and take care of you fine.. but you need to make it clear that parenting his sons is not part of the deal You would be better off working outside the home.
Get a job. You will be happy to be with normal people
Let DH mane child care arrangement for DS. You are not it. You will be happier