Red flag #1 - She manipulates you into be in a relationship with her, despite her kid making you unhappy. (Btw, she did this planning on you changing the way feel about her child in the future. After all, he is the most wonderful child in the world, how could you not?)

Red flag #2 - She makes excuses for her child's negative behaviors, instead of discouraging them.

Red flag #3 - Bio dad is a constant presence in your relationship, despite not dealing with his kid regularly.

Welcome to the site. You have very valid reasons to be annoyed. It wasn't wise or in anyone's best interest for her to convince you to try and work things out after you made it clear you were unhappy dealing with her baggage. It was likely not intentional, but she exploited the strong feelings you had for her, to manipulate you into making a commitment you were trying to get away from. Do you honestly see yourself taking on the role of husband and stepfather in the future, and life getting any better? I don't mean to be so bleak, but these behaviors don't become less annoying with time, and she is going to eventually resent you for disliking her son. As much as you try to hide it from him, which is very mature of you, a person's true feelings have a way of coming out.

The bio-dad is already showing signs that he plans to make his life easier, by the two of you dealing with his kid on a regular if not constant basis. Your gf is going to be just fine with this. Are you?

Harsh truth?

It WILL NOT get better bc the kid and ex will NEVER GO AWAY! :sick:

I know it sucks, I love my DH very much but I DESPISE the very existence of his brat and c*** gold digging ex! Your feelings towards and about the kid and ex will most likely never change either...it is very hard when you really love a person and want to be with them and then they come along with the shittiest "baggage" EVER...I know, I live it!

Do what you gotta do to deal with it or find BETTER....

I wish you the best with your situation...

Honestly I don't think it is fair to any of you to continue this relationship. You are only going to harbor more feelings of hatred at time goes on. Don't let it rot you from the inside, move on and be kid free.

I get it you love your girlfriend sooo much & no one is disputing that BUT answer this honestly.....are you prepared to push aside your hopes, dreams and aspirations and sacrifice them for the greater good of the "family". The irony is that your girlfriend and her ex were not prepared to put aside their differences for the sake of a family they chose (yes even if her ex is a nightmare now he clearly wasn't a nightmare at the time she chose to sleep with him and a baby is always a possibility), so even though your girlfriend and her ex broke up their family unit you are expected to be delighted with someone elses leftovers!

Please,please think about this VERY, VERY carefully. All of the points mentioned by the above posters are really how it is in a step situation.

Also I 100% agree with beaccountable -wrap it up because if your girlfriend managed to convince you to stay when you wanted walk away the first time you had misgivings about the whole situation the last thing you need is her to get you to stay this time around by "accidentally" falling pregnant . That may sound like a brutal thing to say but being in the step trenches long enough makes a person jaded.

This was not a big mistake. Not big because you didn't get married and add more kids to the mix. You're not Daddy material. There is no shame in that and you're fortunate you learned from someone else's kid instead of you own.

You've been used, most likely for financial reasons, i.e. share the rent. Time to recognize the mistake, apologize for making it, and get the hell out.

Get a vasectomy and tell any prospective marriage partners that you cannot have children and would refuse to adopt a kid. You'll soon find a woman who doesn't want children and you live happily ever after and probably financially well of having escaped the expenses of rearing children.

Newsflash: 5-year old kids don't shut up. He's learning how to socialize. It's what they do.

Happy healthy relationships require more than all the love in the world. They require compatible people with compatible lifestyles.

Your GF is a mother who has obligations to her child. She has obligations to deal with her child's father, as well as obligations to refrain from talking poorly about the father & encourage & nurture a relationship between them.

Of course a 5-year old boy loves his dad.

If you can't handle the kid behaving like a kid, you have no business there.

If you get jealous of your GF cuddling her 5-year old son, you have no business there.

If you can't handle the father being present & hearing his name, you have no business there.

The "shadow" of her son & her ex will always be there. If you can't accept it, you have no business there.

Go with the half of you that wants to leave & live the life you want for yourself. It's best for everyone involved.

Love is not enough to build a stable relationship on. Every day you remain in this relationship will be a day you'll see as "wasted" when you've finally had enough. You'll feel ripped off & resentful because you can't get this time back.

The longer you stay, the more difficult it is on everyone...the child included...when you decide you can't take it anymore.

Hee hee hee....Welcome to the wonderful world of LIVING WITH TODDLERS! Please stand in this line where you will receive a complimentary bottle of your favorite booze, some playmats and a set of ear plugs.

no2, I have a 5-year-old son. I am constantly telling him to be quiet "Bobos in Dada's ears!". Once it got so bad, when it finally quieted down, I felt like I had been at an rock concert. You know when you have that high pitched "EEEEEEEEEEE" sound in your ears?.

Couple of things my DW and I do to cope:

1> We try to keep a consistent routine/rules in our home. Dinner, playtime, bath, brush teeth, bedtime story, lights out. All of this AT THE SAME TIME every day.
2> Get a hobby that occupies a small amount of your time but is enough to rejuvinate you. I get together with my brother and some friends once a month for board game/geek night. It's a great way to unwind and take your mind off things.
3> DW and I tag team. If one of us is strung out, and just don't have the patience anymore, we let the other handle the kids.
4> Play activites that zonk the kid out. Currently we have my 5-year-old enrolled in swimming lessons. Let me tell you he is out like a light on those days freeing up DW's and my time to do other things (like laundry!)
5> DATE NIGHT! (Don't think I have to explain this one do I?)

I'm in the same boat. Moving back to my l place this weekend. It's the hardest thing in the whole world when you love that parent, with all your heart and you can't stand the sight of their kids. This is a toughest situation I've ever been in my life , but I know I'm not making life easy because I can't stand the kids and I know that the person I love deserves to be happy too.

And I'm the female in the situation and my significant other has two teenage boys. Trust me it is miserable when they play their video games , watch cartoons at the highest volume , don't answer you , eat everything in the house and worst of all the stink.

It's so easy for people to say pick up the leave and I know , that YOU know you have to leave. Just like I know I must leave too. It's just so hard

I did the same as "omgwat" ....I totally dissapear when my fiance has his son12 ......I'm like ....BYE BYE biotches. Have fun playing madden and crying when the computer beats you. I seriously have so much rage when he cries over the stupidest things. Future-ss12....pre season football ....SF 49ers have like 100 dudes on their team (im not a sports person can you tell?) ......we go out into the car to take him shopping for new clothing ...he starts pouting, then BAWLING because he's missing these "fake" games that don't even matter ......the kicker??? He could have just asked my fiance to record it???? WTF ???? So we drove back to record it for the little spoiled brat because he had a total meltdown in the car over....nothing??? I almost pissed myself laughing when I learned that his basketball game was going to be during the superbowl last weekend .........I had my cell phone ready for the volcanic eruption LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. It still makes me crack up.

I find myself wondering if I even want kids now, his son is disgusting and I don't ever want to be a woman like his mom.

I totally understand, and I am just told that I am selfish ....the only joy I get is listening to that kid cry of the most stupid shit lol

I have 't seen that kid in a few months tho now, I come up with lame excuses .....but I know deep down its just denial and I have to face it but I don't want to and if I have the choice to disengage I WILL!!!!

Six years into my marriage to my husban who i love and RAISING my ss who I also love,, I will tell you that on a bad day love has nothing to do with it the OBLIGATIONS and RESPONSIBILITIES I have taken on. on an average day love translates to 'I'm going to wash and fold your underwear but not put it away because why aren't you washing your own boxers' and 'I will sit here for an hour and watch you play soccer and i will read you bed time stories while you climb on me but I'm putting you to bed like two hours early so I can watch that show I recorded". A good day you can totally feel the love. Mostly it's washing dirty boxers, though.

I completely understand your frustration. Here is how I dealt with similar issues when my SS was a child and my DW would waffle on dealing with behavioral Skid crap and toxic Sperm Idiot/Sperm Clan issues.

1. You are an equity partner in your relationship and that makes you an equity parent to any children resident in your home regardless of biology. So parent and discipline as YOU see fit. I suggest a firm stinging swat to the ass any time SS hits his mom, a back of the fingers flip to the lips when he is rude or disrespectful to you or his mom or anyone else for that matter.

2. If your SO does not like how you parent and discipline the SKid then she can step up and get it done before you have to.

3. As for the toxic dumb as pigshit Sperm Idiot. You deal with him with facts. You bare his idiot ass any time he crawls out from under his rock. Your give your SO clarity that though she spawned with PigShit brains, YOU are her partner and she must start dealing with PigShit brains assertively and with the facts of his behavior and firmly within the framework of the Custody/Visitation/Support court order.

Facts:

1. PigShitBrains is a crappy father who regularly fails to spend his court ordered visitation time with his spawn. This needs to be repeatedly hammered home to your SO and is a driving fact for giving SS-5 clarity on his worthless POS Sperm Idiot in an age appropriate way as he gets older.

Any other facts that are pertinent need to be presented whenever necessary to give your SO clarity and presented to SS in an age appropriate manner as he grows up.

This worked well for me. My SS is 21. His mom and I met when he was 15mos old and married a week before he turned 2yo. SS is a young man of character and a viable self supporting adult who has put his Sperm Idiot and the toxic Sperm Clan far in his rear view mirror. Because we kept him informed of the facts regarding the Sperm Clan toxic manipulation attempts over the years he was able to protect himself from them as he got older. When they lied about some historical element of custody, visitation or support he knew they were lying because he knew where in our filing cabinets the documents, court records, CO, supplemental county and state rules, Sperm Idiot arrest records, etc…. were. When he was in his mid teens he would often go into those files to verify something that the Sperm Clan had spouted that did not pass the smell test. He called them on their bullshit several times over the last several years of visitation.

Good luck.