If you wanted kids would you still have married your husband?
I love my husband dearly he is an amazing partner. Thinks of me when I'm not there, picks up little treats for me cooks cleans the works. I don't think he is a bad father but he may be a better partner.
Last weekend I come home kids are playing by themselves and he is asleep. Wakes up long enough to say "they are probably hungry can you handle it" I order pizza really not in the mood to cook. At that point FIL had stopped over to see them as we were taking them back to Mom that day (we live close...too close lol) so he wants to ride with me to pick it up. Come home getting their plates together and he doesn't want to eat goes back to bed. Get him up to take them back and as soon as she texts shes about to come out he's waiting outside with bags leaving me with them in car for the routine "did you have a good weekend we will miss you have a good week crap" you know.
Of course when we get home hes "so sad" they are gone UMMM what you couldn't be bothered with them when they were here and now you want me to throw you a pity party. This kind of thing happens more than I'd like to admit. He does love them and is no deadbeat works hard to make CS payments and a little extra for fun stuff but it seems to be on his time that things get done with them.
It just has me thinking if having a father for future kids was on my critera for a husband would i have really chose to marry him.
My DH didn't want anymore
My DH didn't want anymore children in the beginning of our relationship and I was fine with that because i didn't want any either. Come to find out, he was confusing having children with someone who is batsh*t crazy, irresponsible, and neglectful with someone who is normal. Once he realized that the experience would probably be different and how nice life is when BM is out of the picture, we both changed our minds. He's already talking about us having another one and I haven't even given birth yet.
So, it may not be you...it may be the situation with the drama.
Aside from wanting kids or
Aside from wanting kids or not, I wouldn't have married someone who wasn't a good father.
You know the old saying "pay attention to how he treats his mother, run if he lives with her" I guess that's how I looked at it, if he doesn't treat his kids, his immediate family well, how will he treat me?
THIS^^^
THIS^^^
Yes this is kind of what I am
Yes this is kind of what I am talking about and my dh just loves when they suggest lets nap together. But he does get down and play cards or games with them and its so nice. I understand that you can't do things with them all the time I mean heck it gets boring. I just think that if we had our own kids the workload would certainly sway more on me. We get them one day a school week and he takes care of everything, dinner laundry school clothes while I'm still at work. I'm always so pleased but then it seems like when I get home some not all of these days its kind of like OK look at all I did now I'm done. I am grateful though my SDs are generally good kids respectful and so on. OSD and i get along great YSD I disengage from sometimes but she is generally a good kid. She just likes to do the "well my BM says" too much for my liking I really think she does it to get to me.
NO. I adore my husband. He is
NO.
I adore my husband. He is a great guy and an amazing husband. I have 2 bios, he has 3. There is no way I would have married him if I wanted more kids. I just wouldn't have. His obligation to his kids is TOO high for me to even consider birthing babies with him. I've already raised kids by myself...not doing it again, even if it is "only" financially.
And hell, if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have married him at all until ALL kids were 18.
My wife and I married with no
My wife and I married with no preconceived expectations for or against spawning together. It turns out that we have not. It is not entirely out of the question but very unlikely at this point that we will have more children. I turned 50 a week ago and DW will be 39 this coming summer. She has occasionally over the years indicated that she wants more kids but due to her history of barely surviving pregnancy I am not willing to risk her life for another kid.
We met when SS-21 was 15mos old and married a week before he turned 2yo.
I do not feel that I have missed out on anything. I raised SS as my own and I am his dad. Even if we had not had any children I still would not feel that I had missed out on anything. My bride and I have had an amazing life together and are having an incredible adventure.
Absolutely. DH is a really
Absolutely. DH is a really good father (with a little coaching over the years and reminders here and there...lol) and has pretty much been a single father for most of the kids' lives. At one point, he was raising a 4 year old and a newborn all on his own. Me finally deciding to get pregnant was hugely influenced by what a good father he is. The best thing about him is that he listens and doesn't view criticism of his children as an attack. He always willing to learn.
I am thankful that I have no
I am thankful that I have no children with DH!! He didn't know what to do as a parent when SS7 was born and has learned what he does know from me just in the last few years. I'm thankful for BS21's step-mom. She was the parent in his life at his dad's house and did a great job! BS15's dad is a good father so no regrets there. The only thing I could say to him is to spend more time actually interacting with our son instead of being in the same room with BS15 but constantly on the laptop or absorbed in a TV program.
That is very sweet what you
That is very sweet what you said about BS21 SM. YSD has said things that seem to be repeated from home about "Your doing most of the work" but I'm not sure what context it could have come from. OSD just said before we were getting married Mom doesnt seem excited. We don't talk really when in the same room so I have no idea how I am seen.
No. It breaks my heart to
No. It breaks my heart to say that. He is the love of my life, but still...no. I'm childless and happy but if that had ever changed and I wanted my own child? I'd leave him.
I'm self aware enough to know that:
1. It would kill me to be experiencing all of those special moments for the first time while it was all old hat to him.
2. As soon as #1 started happening, the resentment would build and I would take it out on his kids. I would want my child to come first. Parents say they love all their kids equally but even if that were 100% true, it wouldn't be good enough for me.
3. He pays so much into BM's household that he wouldn't be able to contribute an equal share to our child. I'm perfectly capable of providing financially, but I would resent it and again, as with #2, I would take it out on his kids.
I do love him dearly. None of this matters anyway. I'm old and he's snipped. Thank goodness. Everyone is better off for it
Don't give up. My dad was
Don't give up. My dad was the same way as your DH. He was "old school" dad who was hands off. His job was to work, my mom's was to care for baby. The second time around, his wife worked too and so my dad had to really man up. I have a feeling your DH will not unless he knows he HAS to somehow. Leave him with the baby and go get coffee like everyday if I were you! My dad really took to child caring the second time around and has expressed remorse that he wasn't really "given the chance" to do more with me.