I just cannot force myself to like my partners child
I have been with my partner 5 years, we have lived together for 2 years. He sees his child every weekend but it's only since us moving in together I've realised that me and his child cannot stand each other. He is disrespectful, argumentative, acts like a baby to get his father to back down making me look like the bad one for having boundaries, then he disrespects those boundaries, he is very manipulative and often makes up lies and I am just uncomfortable in my own home. This is putting a strain on the relationship because each week I feel dread before he comes, it's like he is going out of his way to act like this. He doesn't eat properly, so I'm trying to teach an 8 year old to use a fork and not shovel his food in his mouth like an animal but surely this is what his dad should be doing? he tells me no when I ask him to wash his hands or flush the toilet or when he does do it he huffs and talks back under his breath and I'm stuck, I would never tell someone else's child off and his dad just says 'he's just in a bad mood' what for 2 years?! I'm seriously stuck and our joint lease isn't up for another 2 months but I just cannot continue with this in my home. He wasn't this rude when we didn't live together and I seriously can't believe I'm saying this but I cannot stand to be around this child. He is old enough to know better but I just don't know how to encourage him to be nice and act like a normal child. I don't have children and he has seriously put me off children because what if I don't bond with my own like I haven't bonded with him? It's creating so much resentment as he has ruined many things I have bought for the home and I don't have children so I should be able to have a nice home without tables being destroyed and a child wiping the contents of their nostrils on my things!!! I've tried my best and he is just very ungrateful and has a real mean streak. Pls if anyone has advice let me know.
Two months sounds like the
Two months sounds like the perfect amount of time to get your ducks in a row and move to your own place. Don't re-sign the lease with him. You can continue dating if you want, but live seperately. And honestly, I'd encourage you to just move on. I doubt the child's behavior is going to improve, especially since his dad doesn't seem to mind it.
I should be able to have a
I should be able to have a nice home without tables being destroyed and a child wiping the contents of their nostrils on my things!!!
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Yes I agree. Does your SO child destroy tables at school OR at other peoples home's. What about nostrils contents? does he whip his nose contents on the teachers class room walls? OR when he is at other peoples homes?
We had this happen to us. ..Muscus and feces rubbed on our walls by teens. I wont go further into what else they did to all of us.
Your SO should be correcting this behavior.
Do yourself a favor...find a new place to live, so you can have a home that is not ruined. Find a new relationship without all of this mess.
**I must assume this is absent of severe mental health OR medical problems. For real though,,,,I would ask IF he does this things at school OR are you just his target.
WE were the target, every one of us in our home, even our beloved pets. It was very scary.
Good job bm, good job.
Your SO sounds like a
Your SO sounds like a terrible parent, and it's not your job to raise his kid not to be feral.
I agree with the others, 2 months is the perfect amount of time to find a new place to live.
You have got some great
You have got some great advice. Also - don't think for a minute that your relationship with your own child would be anything like your relationship with this one. A) People like their own children no matter what and
You won't raise your own child to be a little a-hole, especially now that you've seen the results of crappy parenting.
It's hard being the one who
It's hard being the one who has to set the boundaries and your SO being slack about it. Especially since you're the 'step' and has no say. Have you tried speaking to your SO about his son's behavior? Putting it as 'in a bad mood' is not a good excuse. Like you said, two years of being in a bad mood? That child needs to be taken in hand. Lucky you don't have him full time. Find another place if you can. Good luck!
Use these 2 months to look
Use these 2 months to look for your own place.
I can tell you it's hell on
I can tell you it's hell on earth living with a skid you don't like but I've surivived 14 years of it (just) only because DH and I are a team and united on parenting. Without that critical component (as you are) you're doomed and the situation will just continue to get worse.
I would follow the other advice on here and start planning your exit - 2 months is a good timeframe to do that.
As a SM for 14 years (one skid I love and the other I don't like at all) as well as a bio mum to DS3, I can tell you that having your own kids is nothing like raising skids so don't let this experience turn you off. Exit the relationship and find someone who respects you that you can build your own family with.
Depending on how you feel
So 2 months is great amount of time to get out.
I just want to know, do you still want to be with your partner? I know from experience irrespective of what's happening with SS, you probably love your partner.
I know you spoke to him but tell him that it's gotten to breaking point and he needs to put boundaries in place andd respect it, get your own place and tell him you need your own space. We all get into these relationships thinking we can tackle the elephaant in the room, even though we have no idea that the elephant is big enough to sit on you and smother you. If you really want to be with him, suggest space and reflection. If you feel you rather want out cause you can't do this, no one will blame you. Sounds like you put up with alot...
Remind him you are not SS's parent, and he needs to parent his child.
Also please don't be put off having kids, you raise your own according to your values and morals. So I'm sure you would love your kid, because you would know to raise them to be respectful.
Best of luckxxx