Finding couple time

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I'm wondering how you guys find couple time when you have skids 100% of the time?
DH and I were planning an all day trip for the weekend and I realized, we've never been on a full day trip alone without his SD EVER!
I mean we did before we got married but since the day we got married and I moved in, it's always been about SD8.

DH only brings up trips and plans things revolving around what SD would enjoy like amusement parks. If he does plan a trip I would enjoy like a hike, SD has to go with us. I just got used to this pattern I suppose because I didn't want to hurt DH's feelings by excluding SD but now I realize, we need to do things alone as a couple to continue to solidify our relationship. We've grown so distant in the past few years. We will never have that middle ground because his daughter came first. I am trying to accept that. Our busy schedules and having SD 100% leaves us with very little time alone. Plus, i'm just getting annoyed with her constant drama and need space as you know if you read my previous post LOL.

I asked him to leave SD with a babysitter for this next upcoming trip (it's just for a few hours). He was hesitant at first saying it's supposed to be a family trip (meaning fun for SD) but when I pointed out we haven't spent a single day together since we got married, he agreed to go alone. I know he wants SD to come with us and feels guilty leaving her out. I want him to be happy but how can we happily spend time together without SD if DH always feels guilty.
I suggested we take her out for ice cream after we come home from the trip. He was quiet.

Am I asking too much of DH to have time to ourselves? We recently started going on date nights twice a month after months and months of having no couple time. We would just argue and snap at each other and realized we need time for our selves.

How do you guys carve out time with your spouse when you have the skids living with you all the time? How much couple time should I expect? I don't count watching tv together as quality couple time LOL.

He'll I don't know how you

He'll I don't know how you manage with skids 199% we have skid every weekend and it drives me mad that our bm has every weekend off when I'm only 28 and don't even though I've made the conscious decision not to have children of my own. I find this so unfair at times I could scream. This is probably accentuated by the fact my skid interrupts adult conversations always backing dad up even if he couldn't possibly understand the conversation. It's very hard I think much more so when you don't have bios of your own.

oh my god this has nearly

oh my god this has nearly made me cry, I've found this forum and logged on today because I am sick of going round in circles with my partner (fiance). We have them every weekend and I am totally sick of it. He now wants to spend social time away from me, which I guess I can get on board with, but it has to come out of our couple time, not kid time - which is NOT the case for the BM who takes her social time out of her kid time, and guess who has to pick up the slack?? That's right, us!!

Oh that sounds so much like

Oh that sounds so much like my world. We do (thank God) only have them EOWE but then he wants social time on his own as well, which I get - but that always comes out of OUR weekend.... Sucks.

Thanks for replying - it's so

Thanks for replying - it's so so good to have someone that understands, I do feel isolated because out of my friends, everyone either has their own kids or has no kids. DP doesn't really understand - he gets that I am unhappy and that makes him sad so he's not a cold-hearted person, but he doesn't get why these things upset me nor really where I am coming from re couple time - I think he just does couple time to make me happy......

I can feel already this board is going to mean a lot to me.

My dh is the same As well.

My dh is the same As well. Time for himself comes out of our time. I find it so frustrating that he's constNtly tied to ss11 at the weekends, ignores me and because our social time amounts to approx an hour or two each night due to long working hours which is spent watching tv together. I'd love just to have a weekend together every once in a while. I spend nearly every weekend in.l a bad mood while he plays video games and hugs and kisses ss. Eugh

Thanks for your responses. I

Thanks for your responses. I talked to DH and he agreed we needed to make time together a priority. We went out for a walk yesterday but the entire time, he kept bringing up SD. I was SO annoyed. It's like he's just as obsessed with her as she is with him. Why the hell did he marry me? Ugh what's the point of having time alone when all you do is think about SD! So over him right now! I rather spend time alone with myself!

You took the words right out

You took the words right out of my mouth. It is frustrating! Next time, just change the topic, even in the middle of his sentence and point out something in your surrounding you can talk about. Then guide your convo to something else. If he goes back to SD again, don't respond. Hopefully he'll get the hint. Good Luck!

It is EXTREMELY frustrating

It is EXTREMELY frustrating when your spouse doesn't understand that a marriage needs couple time. My husband sees his daughter every day. That's great and I support that. However...if he isn't coming home until 10 pm and I am already in bed...yes, I think What About Me? (his daughter lives with his mother - he has full custody though. She chooses to live with grandma because her cousin lives there too.) When we manage to have couple time (usually because I have gotten pissed off and demanded it) I make sure it's something that isn't child friendly.

i would say 1) allocate

i would say 1) allocate regular blocks of couple time for yourselves 2) allocate a portion of that time when you get to discuss the most important person in his life (yes, his SD). He loves you and he loves her, and he wants to be able to share his joys and concerns about her with you. That is good. But try to do it during some designated time block, otherwise your couple time turns into an extension of parenting time.

How do you guys carve out

Now that I have read all the replies

1. couple time is about the couple - NO discussion of SD at that time - there is plenty of time the rest of the week to be talking about her... Couple time is about romantically reconnecting - explain it to him that way, it's about keeping the spark alive, romancing each other. And it should be minimum WEEKLY.

2. This took work in my RS too. We have my kids 90% of the time and skids every Weds night and EOWE and whenever BM fancies handballing them over. After the situation a month or so ago where he gave up a weekend getaway with me to drive SS and SD to sleepover parties (necessitating being gone for 2.5 hours Sat and Sun) we were supposed to be away Fri night to Sun night. We get 4 kid free weekends a year. I nearly left him over that. But afterwards we talked about it and about how we are growing apart and why, and we have agreed to one night a week - don't even have to leave the house - the other week, once my girls were in bed I got out my massage table, gave him a full body massage and then we sat in the spa with a beer (him) and wine (me) and talked for hours, it was lovely - cost nothing and my kids were upstairs!

It is also vital for SD to see you two having a healthy couple relationship - that is what she will model HER future relationships on - you two, so does he want her to be the centre of her husbands universe or not? She also needs to learn to be a little bit independent from her dad (and you) spending time with a babysitter, having a sleepover at a friends these all help her learn and grow towards becoming a capable adult - which is what he should want for her.

Good luck.

I agree! Showing the kids

I agree! Showing the kids what a healthy relationship looks like is so very important. I am always stressing to my partner that he needs to act towards me the way he wants males to act towards his daughter since her BM is batshit and will probably not be a very good example.

Thanks luchay I think I may

Thanks luchay I think I may need to also speak with dh regarding this. I'm fairly sure we have on average the same amount of weekends together which is so sad. His own family have even said it to me that it's a bit much that we have ss every weekend and I am just so so so resentful at this point as I said earlier our time together during the week is an hour or two of tv watching due to dh long working hours. Therefore I feel like I don't have any quality time during the week that compensates for having the ss every weekend. I do t know what to do

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