My heart is so faint, i feel so hopeless and disheartened. Yesterday around 9pm BM calls DH and says am leaving for Dubai in October and daaaah it's already October. She has been staying with SS 12 from last year September during the school teerm, he has been coming to us every weekend and the whole school break. How can she make plans to leave to another country without first discussing it with DH and asking him if he is okay with living with SS full time? I hate the fact that this woman has the power to influence my life and am finding it hard to accept it. I really cannot see myself going back to being a step parent and a step family FULL TIME, I can see myself losing my sanity, my happiness, going back to being depressed, frustrated, unhappy, annoyed and angry on a day to day basis. Home will no longer feel like home anymore, i probably will start staying at work till late just dreading going back home, there will no longer be comfort, privacy or peace in my home.

With SS coming only on weekends and school holidays a lot of problems had been minimised and i loved that we had a lot of time to be just a nuclear family just me DH and our bio son, now to give that up to become a step family every day. SS is still a manipulative liar, he will pit us against each other with his lies, he already has an atttitude guess it has to do with approaching teenage, we will no longer have privacy, all of my flaws and all of our fights or whatever happens he will tell it all to MIL (including lies )whenever she visits and so I will be naked in front of her, I can see myself competing with SS for DH's attention every day, he doesn't shut up he is so annoying every second it's daddy this daddy that. I know very well DH is a louzy parent and he will leave the parenting and disciplining all to me, SS will become my problem.

Does BM know how she will affect my life and my marriage by dumping her kid? She knows she just doesn't care she just wants to be free of her motherly responsibilities and she can enjoy her relationship without the step family drama as she wouldnt be bringing a child from the prev relationship into the relationship, she and her boyfriend can have their own nuclear family and i cant because she is leaving me to take her role as a mother in her child's life, yet i took no part in creating that child or raising him to be a fuck up the way she did, its not fair! its not fair!. I knew she would eventually leave the country to run away from her child. So i will be stuck with DH forever, that means we need to get a bigger apartment to accomodate SS and i plan to have another child i only have one with DH so what will that mean for us financially? an even bigger house with five bedrooms?

What about ever getting the house to ourselves? There is no where we can send SS on weekends or whenever we need some time alone, his mother doesn't have relatives who care enough about him to allow him to visit and his father also doesn't have any relatives who can accomodate SS, its only the paternal grandma that he can visit only during the school break and she lives three hours away from us. So no more weekends alone. I can always take our bio son to my mom or to my sister's place or to my aunts place, i have a lot of relatives who don't mind having my son over but SS has no where to go and i cannot take him to my relatives with bio son because some people are not usually accepting of step kids and SS is not a pleasant kid to have around,no one wants a kid they have to keep cleaning up after, he is a messy person.

BM is not even going to financially support her child, she is dumping her child and going to live in another state as a free motherless woman, that means DH will have to financially support SS 100% and our child together 50% how is that fair? Money is already a problem, we have so many financial obligations so BM dumping SS is just adding to our financial challenges. 

I really hope BM is just messing around, is there a law that can stop BM from leaving the country? I don't care if she wants to leave the country as long as she takes her child with her. I just feel weak and sick. I don't know if i can accept this, it's like taking two steps back and starting all over again. When will i ever catch a break? For how long will BM abandon her child five years? ten years? or forever? For how long will SS stay with us? I have heard of adult step kids who are 30 and still staying in their parent's marital home, i don't know what the future holds anymore, i don't know what tomorrow brings whether its peace or insanity, is it going to get better or worse? Do i stay to find out? I just feel like am being forced back into wearing tight shoes that don't fit and i don't know for how long. I am not a full time step parent material and i have never been so i don't think it will work and i don't know what to do about it cause i can't handle being unhappy and miserable every day in my own home. Full time step mom or step family, is not the life i want or the life i can make peace with, i hate my life already. Fact that we now have to include SS in almost everything makes me sick.How can we exclude him when he will be with us full time, can i just say SS i want to take DH and our bio son out for family dinner this weekend so you will have to stay behind? OFcourse I can't so its kissing goodbye to anytime or outing as a nuclear family and that gives me no peace.