BM died
We found out yesterday that BM died 2 days ago 
SS5 is confused, he doesn't fully understand what death really is, but seems to be aware that he'll never see her again. She wasn't very involved with SS, a few calls here and there and maybe one or two half day visits a month with him.
She also had another kid (10) from another relationship, the first kid has been living with her parents for some time now.
BM was one of those mothers who simply couldn't cope with life. She had been in and out of rehab about 5 times. We don't really know what the cause of death was yet, but it was an overdose of some kind.
The shock hasn't worn off yet. I feel so badly for SS right now, because he just doesn't understand. The blessing is that he wasn't used to having a routine with her.
Are there any of you on here that have had a BM pass away? How does your family deal with everything emotionally?
SS is 5. There are no photos
SS is 5. There are no photos of her here and as far as I know he doesn't have any of her in his little photo album.
Biomom had substance abuse problems... long term and it was mostly alcohol. She did drop SS back here a few times and she was drunk. There are other stories, but thankfully nothing bad ever happened when she had SS for a few hours.
SS seems to be doing ok right now, we're letting him talk whenever he wants and answering any questions he has. It's just so heartbreaking to know how confused and hurt he is. I'm not sure what to expect as he gets older and had more questions. I was able to talk with him about my own Mom dying, he was relieved to know someone who also has their Mom gone. He was also very worried about BM's cat, wanted to know who was going to look after the kitty. So he does comprehend some of this. I wish we could know what is going on in his little head and heart.
2 days, not 2 years. Doesn't
2 days, not 2 years. Doesn't make it much better, though
So much sorrow for that
So much sorrow for that little boy and his half-brother. They are both very lucky to have stability and love from you and the grandparents.
I think you are doing all the best things. If you can find any pictures of her, that are nice, in her effects when it comes to those being available to you all (perhaps you could get in touch with the other grandparents?), putting one in a beautiful frame would be something that will bring comfort to him in future years.
He won't be able to understand for a long time about the adult complexities of addiction.
Death is such a difficult thing for young minds, 5 is old enough to grasp it and I think you are doing all the compassionate things you can.
2 days in, shock to be expected. My own father died unexpectedly and I didn't find out for 2 days because he lived alone. It was a big shock, and I was 22. No addiction, but police had to break in, etc.
Sending love and sympathy.
Hugs to your SS and you for
Hugs to your SS and you for being such a caring and supportive SM.
I agree that pictures are helpful and the occasional memory brought up by a family member so he can learn about BM/or not forget.
My DD was 8 when first DH died. The best advice I have is to allow questions and answer as best you can. Sometimes, it takes more than one answer and an answer worded differently to sink in at times. I didn't force things but offered things like going to the cemetery on certain special dates or going out and celebrating on his birthday. Having supportive grandparents made a big difference. Hugs.
Your local hospice group may
Your local hospice group may have a program for children whose parents have died. Ours does and it is very good. No one needs to have utilized hospice services for the child to attend the group.
My nephew died and his child, who was your SS's age, attended. Everything was done in very child friendly language. Attending really helped him process what happened.
Children process death very differently than adults. Milestones in life tend to bring back grief. It is a long process.
If a hospice near you offers grief groups for children he may benefit from attending.
^^^^^ THIS!!! Hospice is a
^^^^^ THIS!!! Hospice is a great resource for grieving and support. I don't know what we would have done without them during both my parent's deaths.
Do you have other children
Do you have other children too? If so be aware that they may be affected by this too. A friend's college roommate died in a freak accident. My friend and her ex roommate were close and had children the same age - 5 who were also friends. My friend's little boy was deeply troubled by all of this.
When his mother left him with me for about 20 minutes he got really sad and was so worried that "his mom wasn't coming back" and told me that his friend's mom was gone and wasn't coming back. And I was no stranger to this little boy. I'd known him his entire life. I used to keep him in the evenings even when he was an infant so his mother could finish school (dad traveled for work).
Try not to over think it too
Try not to over think it too much, if there wasnt much of a relationship between BM and SS then its more a case of grieving for what should have been, rather than what is now lost.
See if you cant find a nice photo of BM, either with SS or if possible one with BM, SS and his half brother in (see if you can reach out to BMs parents for this)
Like others have said check out what child support services are available locally with hospices, if BM was active with support groups/rehab then that might be something worth looking into.