I am very new to the website and I only stumbled across it last night after googling in anger. This a bit of a long one so do bear with.

My SO has a 4 year old son who is very, very behind with his speech and language (more like a 2 year old), he was seeing his son EOW and the Skid lived with his BM the rest of the time. SO has always known that I do not want kids, have no interest in kids, don't understand why anyone would want kids, don't get what parents get out of it?? (anyone?). Therefore your first judgement is going to be "Well why did you get with someone who had a kid?" because my SO's son does not define him, he is way more than just a parent and I love him very much for the person he is and the way he treats me. His son was a big fat mistake with a women he had only known for a month and was way, way to young to be having a kid. SO said he would support whatever decision she made and she selfishly choose to go ahead with the pregnancy and keep the Skid.

Me and SO have been together just over 2 years and in December finally moved into together into a rented flat....this is where the real story starts...on Jan 1st BM was supposed to have Skid dropped off to her at 12pm as me an SO were going down to the south coast to see my mum (we live in Hertfordshire, her in Hampshire) We had a text from her at 10am saying she was stuck at a friends house and had been left by her friends and we would have to drop Skid off at the normal time of 6pm. We knew this was a lie as when we made the arrangement she was trying to push for the 6pm collection anyway. SO tried to call and call but no answer, he was even going to offer to pick her up! So anyway we needed childcare so phoned SO mum, she came to collect Skid, we messaged BM to say arrange collection tomorrow. I have no idea why she didn't get our message but she texted at 6pm "Im here where are you" we messaged back the situation. She rang, SO didn't want the fight so left it....anyway long story short the next day BM messaged saying we had to look after Skid for a "While" as she is "Unwell"

Again, going miss loads out but basically she is saying she has been diagnosed with depression and she is suicidal. Since she said that on Jan 3rd, we have had limited contact with her and really the truth is, she doesn't know how to be a parent, doesn't like the fact the Skid is now 4 and has challenging behaviour and doesn't want to be a mum anymore at 21 because basically it sucks. She is now ignoring all attempts to contact her and has not asked to see or even speak to Skid.

Skid only goes to pre school in the PM, this is due to his lack of speech and language skills and the school can't support him full time. SO and I both work full time. We have arranged childcare between SO's parents (divorced), (BM's mother has also told us not to contact her) but this is not a permanent solution as both grandparent households are retired and both want to have holidays and go off to their house boat from March and won't be around for long periods of time.

I am now being forced to have the Skid around, every AM and PM (although I don't really see him as he is still in bed when I leave for work and usually in bed by the time I get home) and EVERY weekend. As I said above, me and SO have only just moved in together and are both signed into a year long lease. I can't afford the place on my own and would be liable to still pay rent if I left. I love my SO a lot and don't want to force him to move out as he too would be liable for rent and earns significantly less than I do and just plain would not be able to afford it but I do not want to live with a Kid!

I really do not know what to do anymore, I work in a Law environment so have spoken to colleagues who specialise in family law and they say there is nothing in law that says BM has to look after Skid and because SO is on the birth certificate, he has equal parental responsibility. Social Services are not interested as Skid has a house, food, family ect and basically that service doesn't know it's arse from it's elbow.

I am very lucky that SO does support me with parenting decisions for Skids so I am not in this situation where Skid is ruler( if you know what I mean) but I just don't like having him around. I have no connection with and it is very hard to have one as he can't speak well. He is mostly a good kid but I really just don't care, I couldn't care less what he did at school and what his interest are and entertaining him, teaching him and sorting things out for him and all the BS that comes with having a Kid. I am emotionally and physically drained.

We have pulled child maintenance payments from BM but she is still collecting Child Benefit for Skid and not paying us anything. She also lives in a plush council house that she has an extra bedroom for that from my understanding she should now be taxed on and has never worked a day in her life.

I just don't know what to do...I love my SO and don't want to leave him but I DO NOT want to be a "mum" and not have my own space. I feel I have not been able to enjoy my new place as I have a stranger living in it 24/7. What also annoys me is I earn double what my SO does but any benefits he applies for will also be judged against my income, so basically the government says I have no say over the Skid but I can pay for him....yes that's just fine.

If it was up to me I would drive round her house drop the Skid off and call the police saying there is 4 year old outside on his own, of course I can't do that as SO would kill me or contact social services and threaten to make Skid homeless as there is nothing in my lease that says I have to have a 4 year old living with me. My SO totally understands my feelings but I know he is responsible for the Skid by Law but I said to him the other day "How would you like it if I said my mum was ill and was moving in with us and we have to pay for all her care" He didn't really have an answer to that but it is totally the same situation.