Will it really change? The Aftermath
Well DH was dragging his feet on going over the rule list with his son last weekend. The one rule I added of “No Girlfriends sleeping over” happen before DH went over the list of house rules. I woke up Sunday morning at 6 am to see 20-year skid’s 17-year-old GF’s shoes at the front door, skid’s bedroom door shut and the guest bedroom door open and empty. Needless to say I was pissed, if it was my kid I would have walked into the room woke him up and tell him he has 5 minutes to drive her home. When I said that rule to DH, he totally agreed but said there is no need to list it, he would never do that. I said it is on the list. Obviously I was right. DH texted him when he got up and said that it is not cool that his girlfriend sleeps over ever. Skid apologized and made up an excuse of, “ we feel asleep watching movies and it was so late we just went to bed”
That morning his GF hung out all morning and then Skid went out. I asked DH when are we going over the rules with him, tonight when he is back? Should we set an appointment? Defensively he tells me Monday after work, before I get home. So obviously he doesn’t want me involved which is dumb because I live here too. But whatever I said ok it just needs to be done, or I will do it without you and then the tension will be a lot worse in this house.
Sunday night, skid did not make it home until about 10 pm and DH was already in bed. He went straight up to his bedroom with girlfriend in tow and shut the door. I was not impressed but I said ok new rule on the list, no girlfriends in your bedroom and I will talk to DH about it in the morning.
DH woke up at 1:00 am (early Monday morning) aand goes downstairs to get a glass of water, sees the GF’s shoes at the door, walks back upstairs sees the close bedroom door. He texts his son and said you have 5 minutes to get up and drive her home. He waited heard nothing no reply. He texts again, “You are down to 3 minutes”. He waits nothing. He knocks on the door and skid yells out “what”. DH says can I talk to you. DH makes sure he does not embarrass his son (nicer then I would have been at that point) and says that he will be driving her home immediately and that he is not impressed. Skid did not see the big deal; “we were not doing anything, we were watching nextflix” “ I was going to drive her home in a half hour” “I am insulted that you think we were doing anything.”
So skid leaves to take GF home and starts texting his dad, arguing that he did not do anything, and f-bombing every second work. He is going to live in this car and this is such b-shit. And continued on to say, “I just don’t care, I should be dead in a ditch”. Wow dramatic!
His kid has lived by no rules enforced by his father and look how he reacts, we did not even get to the full list of rules with the living at home contract.
Monday night skid came to pick up some of his things and seemed much calmer, but seemed like he was waiting for someone to beg him to live in our house and I am happy to say DH did not back down. He told him there are rules to follow if you want to live here period. Skid says he doesn’t want to live here and it is time that he moves out. By the end he is going to think over what he wants to do and stay at a friends for the next few days. DH asked him (almost) begging him to come for Christmas Eve dinner because the family (aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents) will be here. He says he is not sure if he will attend. If some asks tonight why skid isn’t there, I am not lying, but I am not going into great lengths about it either.
By the end, I said to DH if he decides to come back here, the list and contract is signed before he sleeps one night here and the rules are going to be enforced and you and your son both need to know this. DH said “I am not going to police him and I am not going to nag at him about the rules” which I replied “Yes we have to, because you not enforcing then (policing and nagging) has gotten you are today with such a defiant 20 year old.”
So there is total peace in the house right now however DH is upset because his son will not be here for Christmas, which I am sure skid is doing to punish him since DH did not back down for once.
Hopefully DH keeps his own balls from here on in and not put them back in his son’s pocket.
I hope, for your sake, he
I hope, for your sake, he stays gone. I don't get these offspring who think they can do whatever they want in someone else's house and then act like they're the ones who have been wronged.
I have a feeling skid will be
I have a feeling skid will be back. Our City has an extremely low vacancy rate and the highest rents in the country. But if he can't follow our simple rules he can go live with his BM who has a length set of rules and video surveillance though out the inside of her home.
Well, hell, he can go live
Well, hell, he can go live with BM, then.
You lucky lucky woman!! Merry
You lucky lucky woman!! Merry Christmas, enjoy the drama free holiday!!
DH and I both wonder where
DH and I both wonder where the 17 year old GF tells her parents where she was at and spent the night. I wouldn't let my 17 year old daughter if I had one sleep over with her BF and I would always check up on her if she told me she was sleeping over at a friends house.
DH and I both wonder where
DH and I both wonder where the 17 year old GF tells her parents where she was at and spent the night. I wouldn't let my 17 year old daughter if I had one sleep over with her BF and I would always check up on her if she told me she was sleeping over at a friends house.
The 17 year old's dad and SM
The 17 year old's dad and SM are arguing over him letting her stay out all hours of the night.
Forget the rules and
Forget the rules and contract. SS is an adult and the only real peace you will have is to remove the option of him living with you.
When you give him the option of living with you, (even with a signed contract), he will not honor it. He will get as close to the line as possible and when he crosses it you will have to listen to another big blow up with all the excuses of "we weren't doing anything", "this is b.s.", and so on.
If dh wants to allow ss to live with you, buy your dh a nursing bra
^^^THIS!!!^^^ Why would you
^^^THIS!!!^^^ Why would you even consider allowing this a$$hole to live in your home again? He's made a decision to leave and that should be 'honored'. Too bad he would have to go back to living with BM. He should have to face the consequence of his actions or he will never grow up. Too bad. If he doesn't want to stay with BM there are plenty of opportunities to room with someone else or rent a room.
Good for your DH for at least backing you. My DH would never have the guts to back me up in front of his little princess. I had to do the dirty deed and ban her from our home until he can inform her in front of me that she is to respect me as his wife.
If your 20 year old skid
If your 20 year old skid wants to play house with his gf then he can rent his own damn place to do it in. Maybe your husband isn't aware that the girl is still a minor and having sex with an adult under your roof? Call the cops about your adult SS having sex with a minor.
Your DH wants to be a grandpa
Your DH wants to be a grandpa early, huh?
You did the right thing...now
You did the right thing...now the follow up will be a bitch. I would be changing locks and praying it becomes permanent and you don't have to mess with him anymore.
DH recieved a text that skid
DH recieved a text that skid and his GF are coming for Christmas dinner tonight, he better not think that they can stay over or hang out till the wee hours after we have gone to bed. Also GF is not drinking, the legal age in the Province is 18 so I will not be offering her wine or beer.
Depending on the laws of your
Depending on the laws of your state/country he could be in major legal trouble for having sex with his 17-year old gf as could the owners of your home. His ass needs to be gone.
I come to this from a very
I come to this from a very different perspective and would not have a problem with sleepovers if the 20 year old were in a committed relationship. What is the age of consent in your province? I would imagine 17 and up. These kids fall under the Romeo and Juliet designation - I doubt there is anything criminal in what they are doing. Are they using birth control?
But outside of that discussion... You seem set on imposing *your* rules. Does your DH get a vote? What if he is ok with sex under his roof? Then what? Does your SS have a say? I feel for him, actually. That "I should be in a ditch" sentiment shows that he does not seem to perceive his family as supportive. Do you think of yourself as his family? What does he do : work? Go to college?
If you are posting from North
If you are posting from North Korea, Echo, you should remove the Gandhi quote from your signature - ASAP.
Merry Christmas sweetie!!
Merry Christmas sweetie!! Praying drama free for everyone in this world!!! If even for just one day!!! Happy Birthday Jesus!!!
Christmas eve was drama free
Christmas eve was drama free which was nice because I barley had the energy to pull it off having the flu and cooking for 20 people. Skid and his GF showed up, he received his Christmas stocking early, his present was $200 cash that he received from us 3 weeks prior to Christmas and I picked up a bottle of perfume as a gift to GF. I have no problems with his GF, she seems polite and nice and is more than welcome for dinner but not sleep overs. 3 years is not a huge age difference when both people are in their 20s but when one is still in High School the gap is larger.
To answer Pilgrim Soul, in the Province we are in he is in no legal trouble for sleeping with a 17 year old, just don't film it otherwise it is considered kiddie porn and then you can go to jail for possession of that. I will not speak to them about birth control, it is not my place, my DH can talk to his son about that, however I have seen condoms in with his toiletries so I hope he is using them. Teenagers and kids in their early 20s are in committed relationships with people ever other month and most truly are to selfish and immature at that age to understand what true love is. DH fully agrees to the rules and finds it very disrepectful that his son would even think that it is ok for GF to sleep over. DH and I are on the same page as to the house rules. My SS does not get a say on the house rules, he is on title to the property, he does not have to live here, living a home is a privilege once you are an adult not a right, at least that is what DH and i both believe. The "i should be dead in a ditch" comment is drama. Anytime things are not going skids way there is a poor potful me drama scene that he does. Skid is working completed non-college courses from a school that was not an accredited post secondary institution, in sound engineering that were very expensive but will not get him a job in the industry. He works barley, he could get more hours however he chooses not to.
HIs dad has been nothing but supportive to the point that he is being taken advantage of and is treated like crap by his son. DH has told me how it hurts him. I do not think of SS as a son to me, he is my DH's child. Over the 3.5 years I have done more for him than his BM, but I am treated like crap. He lies to me, takes my things, he has been disrespectful to my son and myself by yelling and swearing at us (that was last Christmas) and treated like I am here in his life to be his maid and cook and do favours for him without anything in return. It is pretty hard to love someone who makes themselves so unlovable. I can't foresee our relationship ever evolving to the point that he considers me family or vice-a-versa.
We had the same issues, same
We had the same issues, same reactions by everyone involved just as you have mentioned here. SS was also dating a minor and they definitely were involved sexually. That was a big concern for me. Husband wanted to just let it all go. I was concerned for pregnancy and then because she didn't want her mom to know that she would cry rape. I tried to ask SS if she was on the Pill or if they were using protection but he denied they were even involved. I then asked the mom and she also claimed the same. I had seen the cards to one another that were left out and I stumbled onto them so I knew what was going on. We too would not allow sleep overs and SS thought we were invading on his "adult" choices which was his same attitude when we forbid him to bring porn into the house also.
We told him as long as he lived under our roof he would follow our rules or he would be asked to leave. he didn't want to follow the rules so he was asked to leave. Of course he felt we did him wrong. He now has a daughter and I will find it interesting to know if he will one day allow her to have sleep overs.
It is not easy to deal with but you did the right thing.
"Yes we have to, because you
"Yes we have to, because you not enforcing then"
Great job. Hopefully the slug moves out. The only thing I have to add is take the "we" out of the equation. Be supportive but this is your DH's brat and he needs to do ALL of the policing. Seal up his room now before he has a chance to move back in!
Well the contract was finally
Well the contract was finally signed by skid tonight, he spent a long time avoiding us because we wanted to talk to him about staying here to live. Now the hard part starts, the enforcing of the contract. He has never obeyed any rules, but he has never had them but in black and white and signed them either. However I will police them and my DH should do the same but I doubt he will. I already told DH with respect to the main bathroom that skid uses that I will no longer clean it up and that if he wants peace in the house to tell his kid on daily basis to tidy it up or to doit it himself however if I see it a mess then I will go ballistic.
Just because my gender is female does not mean I was put on this earth to clean, cook and at the beck and call of everyone else in the house. I am the first one to leave for work in the morning and the last one to arrive home and I have bought and paid for the house. I should be no ones maid.