small annoyances - vent
I am so very lucky that skid22 does not live with us anymore, it has been 2 years since he has been kicked out.
Over that time he has actually kept his job and the requests for “borrowing” money (which he does not pay back) have been getting less and less overtime.
But the small annoyances are still there.
When he lived in our home he would walk in the door and ask his dad “what’s for dinner?” I would be standing right there but he would never ask me, since I am the one that does all the cooking (my DH does not cook) and DH would tell him if he knew but would never say “you should ask Grace because she is the one cooking it”
Nor would skid ever thank me for dinner, even though my son would compliment the dinner and thank me as he excused himself from the table.
Well it is tax time here in Canada. My DH asked for his son’s tax documents sometime back and he brought them to his dad, so his taxes can be completed. At no time did he ask me to do his taxes, or give the documents to me. DH has never done his own taxes before me he used an accountant and skid knows this too.
I have done skid’s taxes in the past but I think DH made sure he asked and thanked me.
This week DH was out of town working and I told him to leave his tax stuff on my desk so I can file our taxes. The night I sat down to do them, I found skid’s tax stuff underneath his. At no time did anyone ever ask me to do skid’s taxes. I think skid should ask me.
I asked DH about it. “Well you did them last year” was his reply. I said no one asked me this year. I did them anyway and submitted them online.
Yesterday skid texts his dad to see if his taxes are done and find out how much his refund will be. Of course he could have texted me, he could have looked at his email and seen I send him a PDF copy of this taxes and maybe replied with a thank you. But of course not, I am sure he will probably text his dad a thank you.
My 20yo son always thanks my DH and always asks him things directly, as it should be and my DH would agree it should be like that, however with his son it is different and he is blind to it.
Being a stepmom/dad’s wife is such a thankless job, arggh!
Tell SS that you feel it
Tell SS that you feel it would be best that he found someone else to do his taxes from now on. Don't bother to tell him why, he will just make excuses and claim that he did ask or he did thank you, blah, blah, blah.
Tell SS directly, not through your DH. SS is an adult and if you expect him to communicate to you instead of through your DH, you should do the same (to show him how it is done).
If these things bother you,
If these things bother you, what do you speak up.
Doing his taxes last year and again this year simply shows your husband and SS that there isn't any that wrong with what they are doing.
You don't need your husband to be your spokesperson. You have a voice, don't be afraid to use it.
At least last year skid asked
At least last year skid asked via text message. The only reason I ended up doing the taxes so we would not end up paying H&R Block or someone else to do them because skid would have needed money for that.
I do agree that I do need to speak up more.
Start charging DH and skid an
Start charging DH and skid an *ingratitude* fee. What a jerk DH has foisted upon the world.
When you sent the pdf by
When you sent the pdf by email you should have signed off "you're welcome."
I do that when I hold the door for someone, and they don't say TY. I just loudly and cheerfully say "you're welcome!"
Seriously though, enabling these kids by doing their taxes is not helping them. The refund alone should be incentive to figure it out themselves. I have done Canadian, US, British and French tax returns, and I can say the Canadian system is by far the most user friendly, easy enough for any numpty to wade their way through.
Stop doing the taxes and let
Stop doing the taxes and let husband deal with it...after one year (and the price of somebody else filing), you may actually get your first thank you....