So sorry. It will continue to deteriorate unless your DH wakes up and remembers he made vows to you too. SS is an adult and destroying your relationship. DH needs to setp up.

My first recommendation is get off of "stress leave" and get back to your job. For your own sake and for multiple reasons: It may help you shake off the depression you're in, it will give you a chance to interact with other people besides those in your household, and most importantly, it will allow you to earn your OWN income ...some of which you should be stashing away for yourself, since you are so unsure about your marriage's future. If you should have to leave eventually, at least you will have a nest-egg saved up.

Your husband sounds like he is too enmeshed/guilty to really demand any change from SS. It also sounds like you didn't get to spend any significant amount of time with your DH before you married. Thus, you did not get a chance to see how things really are with their relationship before you married him.

I believe in the airline theory of life: You must put on your own oxygen mask before you can help others.

In your case, you need to get yourself back on track first. Then work with your DH on making improvements to your marriage/household and deal with SS in a cooperative way.

It will probably continue to happen until you do want to leave. Your issue isn't SS, it is DH and the question isn't if you love your husband, the question is how much does he love you? If he continues to allow his adult son to walk all over both of you then you have the answer.

There seems to be an adult couple already running this household. And it isn't you and your husband. Is your step contributing financially to the household?
I don't think it's right that your husband is sacrificing time with you for his son's girlfriend. It may be time to lay it all out to him. He is putting others before his wife and that it just isn't working. I know you meant your vows but he is breaking them. I'm assuming he promised to "forsake all others."
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Since your son is with your parents, would they be willing to take you on as well for the time being? Maybe you can just separate until his son has launched.

WOW, I'm so sorry you are in this situation. Not your fault and you are not a failure. You are trying your best to compromise and stay in the marriage, but by the looks of it, you are the ONLY one compromising and that simply isn't fair. I know you don't want to leave and you are depressed so it must be difficult to even imagine leaving, but I truly believe it is the BEST decision for you. You may still be sad if you leave but at least you will have piece of mind, dignity and somewhat of your sanity left. Sorry but they are doing nothing to alleviate your stress or depression. Maybe DH will realize the severity of things when you actually take a stand for yourself and what you believe in and no longer tolerate the dysfunction going on in your home. DH is enabling a total freeloader and its at your expense. F THAT! be mad about it and do something about it to save yourself.

As far as the girlfriend making herself at home at your house, leaving laundry, cooking up a storm and not cleaning up after herself, among the other things going on under your roof, HELL NO! I wouldn't like it or tolerate it either. I would be beyond appalled at your DH for allowing this crap. No fking teenagers would be playing house under my roof, FK THAT! sorry but your situation is ticking me off the more I think about it. Trust me, you will feel a huge weight lifted off your shoulders and complete and total relief when you remove yourself from that situation.

Welcome to ST for starters...

I felt sick for you reading your current situation inside your home. Your ss and his gross girlfriend should be booted out of your home today. NOT tomorrow, but today.

I would not ask dh I would tell him. They are adults not minors.
IF dh wont, then maybe you should pack bags and move in with your parents too.

What do YOU want to do.

Check your messages. It sounds as if you and DH really need to address the 'elephant in the living room.' If you cannot do this on your own --- and some folks just can't --- perhaps a bit of couples therapy would help both of you.

Personally, I'd be looking for a separate solo therapist. (Depression kicks my butt whenever I'm not paying attention.)

{Hugs}

So sorry you are having to deal with this situation; in my opinion, it is unreasonable for you to have to do so. First, this son of his is lazy and no way would they be having sex under my roof, etc. etc., this is your husband's fault clearly for tolerating and reinforcing this highly dysfunctional behavior in his own home. Allowing this behavior is no way being a good father or role model.

This is not your fault. Now, with that said you can continue to be part of the problem or part of the solution. Do not be afraid to tell husband no more of this...or that, or else you are parting. Do not continue to live in a situation you hate with conditions dictated by somebody who could careless about your feelings. You are being used, not loved.

Go to work and start putting yourself first in everything you decide to do---start planning an exit plan if your husband continues to do nothing for you to change this horribly ridiculous situation.

I understand your situation and relate to it. My situation is not the same, thank God. We do not have children living with us and I could never stand to be where you are right now.

I can tell you what I did. My SD56 has decided for the past 15 years, she is going to split our marriage up. She has tried every trick in the book and I'm sure have more up her sleeve.

We separated for a few months because of my SD, long story. I also love my DH thru thick and thin. DH thinks SD can do no wrong and this will never change.

I did these things: I set boundaries for myself. I have my own little world. I include my DH, only if he wishes to join me. I have friends, go to the gym, sew, quilt, garden, read, do all the yard work, and travel to the neighboring State to visit friends and family often (3 hours). I am retired and stay way too busy. I am exhausted when I go to bed every evening. I never stop; with that said, I never see or engage with my toxic SD56 or her family. She lives one block from me and I don't see or hear about her, because I don't place myself there.

I cannot imagine her living under my roof. I think I would make it so miserable, she would be happy to move.

I think you need to take charge of your own house and flush it out.

(((hugs))) If you get busy at whatever it takes, you won't be depressed, you will feel the freedom.

}:)

Just confronted him on his shit. Told him I bow down to him and his children and revolve my life around him and his girls. Told him I'm tired of his shit. Told him I pay rent and yet still my life revolves around him and what his girls want. Shaking. Honestly, I think that most of his problem is a lack of self esteem. He seems to get most upset when he thinks I don't care.

Work will save your sanity, husband needs a deadline to step up and impose order and if not, then the parasite needs to find a new host and I am so sorry you feel so alone in a town you do not like. That's the worst. Remember, the SS has nothing to lose by leeching off of you for as long as he can. You have everything to lose including your marriage. He is counting on it.