I've been married almost 5 years now. My husband had kids were a 15 girl old girl and a 19 year old boy "man". They are now 20 and 24 respectively. My SD married at 19 to her boyfriend that is a Marine. He's a great guy, ambitious, moral, and a nice person. She has been living at home with her Mom since they married so they haven't lived together since they married, and she has had it hard as a military wife but also has never really known the pressures of being truly married yet (paying bills, actually living together)

She lives with her Mom, they are either best shopping "girlie girl" buddies (both are extremely materialistic) or fighting or not speaking to each other. Her Mom says some horrible things to her, borderline abusive. But if I bring that up to my DH he thinks I'm criticizing their Mom, and trying to make him (my husband) have a combative relationship with his ex.

So even though she's not such a hot Mom, cheated on my husband, abandoned her kids when they were little, (my husband raised them on his own for the most part) Basically walked away from her kids to go live with another guy in another state and let my husband pay off her debts. I have to act like she's a Saint. She came back into the picture full time right around the time we married, and she bought a house around the same time. (her parents bought her a house should I say) My stepson is about to graduate from college. Both are "good kids" in the sense they are church going kids, that don't do drugs. I have my own daughter who turns 14. My ex (we were never married) is probably worse then my husband's ex, is the fact he can is like emotionally unstable, pays child support sporadically, and is getting stranger and stranger as the years go by. So if I say anything about my stepkid's Mom my husband just jumps to to that my ex is even worse.

Well, my now married SD extremely close to her Dad. I noticed that from when we were dating. I don't think she was supportive we got married, but for some reason, she was a teenager at the time, she thought if he married me, she would gain more freedom. She lived with us on weekends at first, but her Mom bought a house and she by the time she was 16 she never stayed over night with us again. I asked her once to make her bed in the morning before she left for church, and as God as my witness that was the last time she ever stayed over night in our house. (How dare I ask her to do anything?) When she was with us she was sulky and moody. Early in our marriage she complained I was trying to be a Mother to her (which I wasn't) I tried to redecorate her room (which looked like a room decorated by a single Dad0 and I have a lot of guilt trying to spend time with her even at the cost of my own daughter's adjustment to our marriage. She would give my daughter (who was 9 at the time) dirty looks at the dinner table. (My daughter was a sweet innocent child at the time) and didn't understand why her stepsister didn't like her. I think my SD's attitude towards her little stepsister only changed when she got engaged to her now husband and her husband thinks my daughter is a great kid!

I got off on a good start with my stepson. In the beginning he was nicer and more open. He even wanted to be in our wedding. Over the last few years he has become sulky and silent. He doesn't speak to me when I enter a room (he lives with us, he works full time and is a college student) He does nothing around the house, and pays no rent. My husband's attitude is he can live with us as long as he wants, because he himself lived at home until he married the first time. My husband acts like he is the first kid in the world to graduate from college and to have worked. My stepson was engaged before, and I really liked the girl he was going to get married to. But if I esp. was nice to his girlfriend, he would grow even more quiet and resentful. He broke off their engagement several times, and my daughter was heartbroken cause we all really liked the girl. They had a long distance relationship and we were always supportive of her staying with us at the last possible minute. (as long as she slept in our guest room) Now he has had a new girlfriend who interns at the same church I work at, and when I walked in on them the first time watching TV, he didn't even say hello, or introduce his girlfriend. They were kind of draped all over each other, and for about a month straight she was at our house all the time watching TV, one time even under the same blanket laying down on our coach. Every time they wouldn't acknowledge me, or speak to me, she would do a half smile if I greeted her. I heard via the church she is very shy, but I thought both their behavior was disrespectful and rude. They were inappropriately affectionate around my 13 year old daughter while on the couch, and again didn't greet me or my daughter. I finally spoke to my husband about it, and said that wasn't appropriate behavior for my daughter to see. Also recently, my husband spoke to him about being respectful of me. I wrote my husband an email (because when I speak to him he never wants to confront his kids, he is always scared about losing them, he has no qualms about being a strict step father to a little girl but his kids if he says anything to them he worries they will run to their Mom) and told him I was at the end of the robe about this. I really found myself discouraged and angry to be treated so disrepectfully by my SD. My stepdaughter has been okay for a long while cause she was a happy newleywed, but she does little digs, like when we get together she will quote a Christian marriage book and say my husband is unhappy cause he doesn't go anywhere or do anything. On her Facebook profile she has her new in laws and toddler niece, and her Mom and her brother as listed as FAMILY, but my picture and my daughter's pictures are missing. Now to top it off, next week my SS is graduating from college, and wanted a huge graduation party, (so all my husband's relatives will show up and give checks I'm sure) and my SD is sending out the invites and making the plans for her brother and she doesn't live with us. I can understand IF her Mom and her where giving a party at her Mom's house. At her highschool graduation party, her Mom wouldn't leave our kitchen (she had to go all alpha female on me, and say "I don't leave a party without cleaning up"), laughed when I accidentally spilled garbage on the floor, and then pushed in front of me to say good bye to kiss my husband good bye on the cheek. So I'm dreading that whole thing again, and to have this huge party where my SD is acting like the host, yet my adult step kids will ignore me (they esp. don't speak to me in social or extended family situations) Some of my sister in laws, act a bit weird when they are around my Stepkid's Mom, were they are all trading recipes and fanning over her. (even though she hurt their brother badly). I was extremely supportive of my SD getting married, cause I thought it would truly make her happy and the pressure would be off my own marriage and I wouldn't have to deal with their Mom for a great while. My SS has no desire to move out even though he has tons of money save in the bank, my husband paid for his college education, he doesn't pay any rent or help with bills, or do anything around he house. He does want to move in with his own Mom once by son in law is out of the service. I think he thinks his Mom (who he hasn't lived with since he was 9) is going to cook and cater for him, which I don't see happening. My SS has been MORE civil to me since my husband spoke to him, but barely. I hold down two part time jobs, and try to raise my daughter and live in a home (ironically sometimes I see more of my stepson then my own daughter) If I complain about anything, my husband says I'm crazy, I'm trying to push out his children, that he has given up on all of us ever being a happy family, and then he throws in of course that my ex is crazy and ruins our marriage. I've been super hopeless lately, and dream of a day my adult step kids aren't such a factor 24-7 and have their own lives and families. My self esteem is in the toilet, I feel like a nice person, but I feel like I'm turning into a bitter, unhappy person. Does any of this ever get any better....?