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seesaw208's picture

Submitted by seesaw208 on Sun, 12/30/2012 - 5:44am

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Adult Stepchildren

The 3 skids 21,23,24 came to the house for christmas, I have been disengaged for about 6 months. I did not buy any birthday or christmas presents last year or this year. I stop giving them any money where as before they would ask me for money all the time and I always gave it to them. Well that's over and I am sure they miss it because there father is super tight with the dollar.

Well this christmas they all brought me a present and I had nothing for them. I know they did it to try to make me feel bad and it works for about 1 hour. They all got together and talked about it I am sure because they normally do not buy me anything.

I stayed home afterwards and they all went to the inlaws for dinner. I have put myself down to work for 6 christmas so I would not have to be around any of them.

I really do not know why I am here. I am the outsider, the one no one likes. I do not feel wanted at all. My husband has not once ever stood up for me.

Why do you think women like me stay?

godess-clueless's picture

Submitted by godess-clueless on Sun, 12/30/2012 - 8:26am

Some women stay because after disengaging they find that not having to put their own money, time and effort into these people life becomes less hectic . As far as christmas gifts, that is your husband's responsibility. You would not feel bad about not giving a present to one of his personal buddy friends. You would assume that if he wanted to give one of his buddyy's a gift , then he would take responsibility for doing so.

Once you get past the worry of "what do they all think of me" you can concern yourself with the benefits that marriage offers. For me, I concentrate on the fact that I have not had to work for years. Not working has afforded me the time to spend with my grandchildren. When I choose to work it is spent on what I want . I enjoy DH's very good medical benefits. We live off his pension. If he died I would have an income from his pension. I would live much better on his social security then drawing on mine. If your older, and your life is comfortable, why rock the boat.

giveitago's picture

Submitted by giveitago on Sun, 12/30/2012 - 8:43am

I stay because I love my husband and want us to spend the rest of our lives together. I disengaged with the SKids and he saw exactly what was going on and he did something about it, albeit a little late, but the main thing is now he sees the truth.

Orange County Ca's picture

Submitted by Orange County Ca on Sun, 12/30/2012 - 9:15am

People do mature and learn. Maybe they've realized the error of their ways and want to make amends.

Other than with his kids is your husband worth staying with? If so then stick to it as surely his kids don't muck up your life that much. After all they are grown and you are disengaged.

If it was a mistake marrying then get out now. Don't toss more years into a worthless pot.

jennaspace's picture

Submitted by jennaspace on Sun, 12/30/2012 - 12:02pm

Life's gets much better after disengagement. It will only take a few of these scenarios to realize this. Think of all the times they felt absolutely no guilt after receiving presents from you, not getting you anything and not thanking you. The main reason they got you a gift is because you stopped doing for them. Is this something you want to feel guilty for? They didn't get you a gift when you were getting them presents, thoughtfully. They were in the shoes you are in for years, but you hadn't done anything to provoke it.

Life will get better without worrying about them. Better and better. Stay because you made a covenant to your DH and now you are free to focus on nurturing that relationship. You need to work through what happened and his silence. You have time now to focus on working through all that happened without the background noise of DHs family drama.