We dont want his daughter at our wedding
My partner and I have been together for 7 years and have decided to get married at the end of this year. Last year I had a major fall out with his daughter. She had been to stay for a few days and had ignored me as usual, making me feel like a stranger in my own home. But for the first time I stood up to her and, with her fathers blessing, I wrote to her and told her how her behaviour made me feel and that I wouldnt accept this sort of behaviour from my own children and therefore would not be accepting it from her in the future. She replied that she had never liked me anyway and would not be coming back to stay. We will be getting married at the end of the year and have decided that we will not be inviting his daughter to the wedding as we don't want anything to spoil our day. Are we right to exclude her from our wedding day?
We're getting married later
We're getting married later this year too and just going to vegas with no kids or anyone - just us for a week! We might not tell anyone either so we don;t have to hear all the whining/drama. Maybe not even tell anyone afteward either. lol I'm already wearing a promise band on my ring finger, no one will notice it's a different one ;P
Jomo, do you know how lucky
Jomo, do you know how lucky you are? You must if you read this site often. Your SD wasn't treating you well, you confronted her, your guy actually supported you AND agreed (or even decided himself) not to invite her to the wedding? I am in shock and so jealous. Most men we talk about on this site would be happy to run over you with a truck if it would make skid happy. I can't stand my SS, but BF will choose his feelings over minea any day. BF even wants him in (in, not just at) our wedding. I think he would marry skid instead of me if he could. Guess thats why I haven't walked down the aisle yet. Your man is a winner. Total congrats to you, and yes, you are doing the right thing, and he has already proved his love for you, ring or not.
how old is she? if she is
how old is she? if she is under age 10, then i think this is wrong, as most young skids have their bm's pouring acidic bullshit about the other parent down their throats...if she is over age ten then i agree with ur fiance.
I agree with forever2. My
I agree with forever2. My skids came to our wedding 10 years ago when they were 10-13 and the BM and they then included snide comments about the thing in a meeting they had with a psychiatrist in order to create evidence about visitation being bad for them (BM's idea, I don't blame skids for that, but it sure as heck poisoned the memory of our wedding). I get on well with my two younger skids but the older one remained mummy's little soldier into adulthood and behaved in the way you describe from late teenage years on ie ignoring me at family gatherings. This ruined my experience of my in-laws' golden wedding (for which I had paid 1/4) and then even our housewarming at Xmas last. I would therefore certainly exclude her from any further celebration knowing she would cast a pall over the whole thing. Given your SD does not like you and does not want to come and stay, this gives you good reason for not inviting her to any function because
she would behave like a bad fairy if attending and (b) you already have permission not to invite her because she would not want to accept the invitation anyway. This is a really guilt-free solution: staying away is her choice. Sad for your DH but sounds like he too would rather have a nice party than a sour time. Good for him. They can make it up between themselves on some occasion reserved for the pair of them, like say her wedding where he can go and not you. That's more important for the future of their relationship than any party of his. Have a lovely wedding and enjoy!
We did this, got married with
We did this, got married with a JP and two friends as witnesses. Told no one (except SIL1 who turned into a jealous witch afterwards but that's another story). My kids were mad but I did not want drama! And we were both over 40 and it was for us, not anyone else. With the way DH's family is, it was a good call. You don't need a "specter at the feast" so please, get married without SD and enjoy yourselves!
i'm going to assume she is an
i'm going to assume she is an adult -- because we're in the adult step children -- and i would say you have every right to not include her in your wedding, and to have your fiance's blessing and he doesn't want her there either -- more power to you all! Have your wedding without her and enjoy it! I wouldn't invite her at all -- why? So she can ruin it? She's already told you she never liked you, so she'll be a brat at it. No thank you! Glad to hear your man is on your side! You've already got alot going for ya right there!! Best wishes to you both!!
I disagree. When BM divorces
I disagree. When BM divorces DH she is no longer a part of DH's family. I can understand BM being included at a wedding, not at a private function of DH's family. It has nothing to do with anomosity, more to do with respect.
As far as not including SD in the wedding, this is DH's and SM's day. If they know from past experiences that there will be a risk SD will spoil the wedding, they do not owe it to her.
Can't believe the BM would
Can't believe the BM would actually GO to gatherings and weddings of your Husband's family. Don't know if you were married before but I sure wouldn't want to go to a function of my ex-husband's family. When you divorce, you move on. It sounds like your SDs are really getting a charge out of this behavior. Maybe you should ask Tatum's old boyfriend to the next family event. LOL
I am so sorry that you had
I am so sorry that you had this happen to you.
My FDH's kids are not coming (his choice), but if he had wanted them to, I would have not said no to him, but there is NO way I would have any pictures with them. They have been so horrible to me, I could not smile and pretend, even for a few pictures.
You are not obligated to
You are not obligated to invite her!!!!!!!!!
We are getting married in July. It will be small and informal. My FDH's kids (22, 19, 18) are not invited. They hate me, and I know they would do something to ruin the day. One would not come anyway, but the other 2 would. There is no way I am taking a chance, and since they are so awful to my FDH, why have them there anyway?
Another thing....we don't want BM to know anything about the wedding. The "kids" would delight in telling her our plans, and she could show up and cause a scene. They would love that!
I spoke about this to our minister, and she said this happens a lot with skids. :? We are having our vows custom written, and she offered to put in a piece about how we hope we can have them in our lives some day, or something like that. We declined, but people apparently have requested that from her.
I expect that my FDH's kids will rage after the fact, I just hope they do not find out before.