I am 36 but I think like the older generation. There has been so much hurt to her father and to our bio daughters by her and it has caused me physical health issues and she is well aware of that. I would think she would call me like you said and first start off with admitting that she is sorry for what she has caused me and I don't know, making up with us and then inviting us rather then a text message. I don't know if you have read many of my posts but I have book marked them if your interested.

I understand that some on here are saying to see her and I know why, there is a baby coming and yes that is a huge hurt for us but we have been through hell and she has never ever had to own up to causing it and seeing my health go down the drain, my daughters who are only 8 and 3 (my actual children who I gave birth to) hurt and especially what it has done to her father my darling DH. I cant just act like nothing happened and just move on because she is having a baby. Her BM has been there, she has her. She has all of her aunts who have no clue the road that DH and I have been on trying to save this girl to the point where it almost cost our marriage, caused emotional distress to my daughters and caused me to not be a proper mother to my OWN children because I devoted so much effort into trying to keep SD19 in our lives. I am done. I cant do it.

yes a actual phone call would have been so much different. In a text, I cant tell if she is clean and sober and if she is sorry. I cant. A text is so fake.

Ugh, thank you for listening.

Thank you! I know every time you respond your so wise! I needed it. Every word you said. Thank you! I am again mad at myself because my anger (even though I try to hard to hide it) my girls know their mom...they knew tonight something was bothering me and she won again, I responded and I am the idiot.

I really need to stick it in my head that she is not going to change until she wants to and its going to take a long time for her to prove it to us. If she really was changing it sure wouldn't be through a text message 3 days before her shower knowing full well we live out of town. I shouldn't have responded nice back, I really thought she would come back with something mean and nope, she sent nothing, I should have let it be me that sent nothing back. My gut tells me that she just sent that to make herself look good or get presents for both shower and Christmas and I wouldn't be surprised if the in laws set her up to make me feel like this. They don't care, they haven't cared about anything with DH and I. We have medical bills up the ass due to my health issues, they don't care. We did, we bent over back wards for years. I am not giving in to her.

I plan to change my cell number. Its just crazy that I get all the emails, Facebook, and text messages from DH's side of the family and SD but NO ONE goes to him. He wants them to so he took my phone and is not giving it back to me, he gave me his so I have a phone. He said we are swapping them to protect me from it. I haven't been receiving anymore emails and SD doesn't even know my email and well Facebook, they are all blocked. They are all trying to get me to think that something is wrong with DH and not them or SD. This is just totally unbelievable. When will it stop? I so wish I could be free.

Today I was on a good kick...planned to continue therapy, go to church, started to exercise again, eating right and was happy....the only thing I can do is to continue on. DH wants them to contact him, I really wish they would leave us alone and when they do want to talk to go to him...its HIS family. Now to just pray she doesn't show up at my parents door step on our Christmas celebration. If she does I am taking the girls into another room and letting DH handle it. I feel so sorry for him, he has grown cold about her, I have never seen this and never thought the man with the heart he has would ever turn cold like that over one of his children. I know the baby is innocent but she will use it as a pawn. She has learned from her mother how to do that. She already does, she even uses the baby as a pawn to her own mom to get money.

I am letting DH handle it all. He will protect me and the girls, he always has through out this. It is not that he doesn't love her, he just doesn't want the toxicity and he also still has that big heart, he plans to put something in a card through each holiday and birthday that she keeps the grandchild from him so that one day if he is ever part of the babies life in a good way and not as a pawn, he will give it to the child. I know that the grandchild is what hurts him but not enough for him to give in. He has grown more of a set of balls in the last 4 years then I have ever seen in a man. Proud of him. I just need to get me to go with the flow. I think I just answered why they all contact me and not him...because I am the weak link. Its time I toughen up.

Thank you emotionally beat up.

I know, I can't let her in, she has not even began to prove herself. She only wants gifts, its her MO. Yes the child is already used as a pawn. She has been using it as a pawn from the moment she got pregnant and we also know she most likely planned this pregnancy because she is doing great living off the state out of refusal to work and its a great pawn to her mom, dad and I to give her money and anyone else. She has now won over DHs side and they are her next victims. Only they said things that cant be taken back so they lost DH probably forever.

I feel horrible inside for the baby. I really do. This is not what I saw for this girls future back before she met the father of her baby. She was such a good girl and so full of promise and so beautiful inside and out and then the drugs took over. Its sad.

Also in about 15 minutes DH and I are switching cell phones Yay. I will have a new phone and if she wants to continue texting well it will be DH that gets them because she cant remember DH's old phone number and besides I am not telling anyone that I have a phone (maybe a few close people to me but that's it). Only having the phone to keep me and my kids safe out on the roads. I am letting everyone else know I know longer have a phone and DH now has it.

That way I wont feel I have to respond...that's something I have to tell my therapist, I always have to have the last word and sometimes the last word is not necessary!!

I never looked at silence being the loudest and most effective last word...I just learned something new

Yes they are plain old NUTS, CRAZY, LOCO, I didn't even look at it that way, IF they did set her up to send the text, they know that I would bring the girls...that would be the LAST thing I would want them to see.

Oh emotionally beat up I have something funny to tell you: DD8 had secret santa at school today and she bought presents for her Dad, Me, SD22, DD3 and she decided to buy for SD19 and I found what she said hilarious. She told me she bought her make up and at first I was like oh, ok (thinking in my head I will stick it on top of the closet until god knows when SD19 grows up and then she said "do you know why I bought her make up?" I said no, why...she said "so maybe she will look at it and say, Hey, maybe I should grow up and make up with my parents" OMG..I looked at her and she was laughing so hard that I started laughing and then so did DD3!

I know right!? DD8 is my jokester though...she comes up with things that will make you go hmmmm. She gets that from DH...a bit of smart ass in that one. Poor DD3 is like me, her heart is too big... her and I need to learn to let our hair down a bit and become smart asses too.

I agree. SD and his side of the family do that all the time. They all know that DH will not take any crap. Little do they know with therapy and the strong desire I have to stop the madness for my own children and the strong desire to give my girls a happy childhood with a stable mother....they one day will realize too not to go through me. I am learning how to stand up for myself, how to handle difficult people and how to set boundaries. My kids are finally having fun again in their lives and I wont let anyone screw that up for them. His side of the family has so far already backed off from emailing me..I blocked them on facebook so they cant contact me, I think they stopped because I would not back down on defending my DH. My DH has been there for me through the most horrible time in my life, which was sickness and he has taken care of me for 12 years..I will be doing the same for him. He does not deserve to be accused of and called what they called him. He is a good man. They will see one day what they lost. As far as SD if she truly ever changed and showed us for a period longer then a day...like a year or so, she may be welcomed back because she is his daughter and we don't have to worry about her ever moving in since she is an adult establishing a family with her boyfriend and loves to live on her own. As far as his sisters and the 3 nieces that wont keep their nose out of our business and said those horrible things to him...he says they are banished forever.

Thank you and I am slowly getting there. I have not spoken to her and wont. I have been seeing my therapist more often and its been helping. I hope what I am feeling is true that I am finally moving forward with this. Its been so hard but lately I find it easier. Going to have my first Christmas without his family and with out my SD19. If all goes good without a hitch, this might be the best Christmas I have had in a LONG time. Praying that it goes good.

I am sorry that you have had a similar situation...its not easy, my heart goes out to you.