My BF won't defend me to his EX need advice
Hello, I'm new here. I have spent the last 2 hours reading about this subject and how I need to handle this. The man that I'm seeing for the past year has 2 children. He has been divorced for 3 years. It was horrible, he came home one day and found his wife in bed with their 16 year old foster child. With that happening, they separated, got back, separated till they finally divorced.This woman sends him horrible text messages, has made up stories that I'm a stripper (Ha don't I wish) anyway when I go for walks, she drives by me slowly, calls me names out the window. I have never met her, talked to her, but I guess like the saying goes, she didn't want him,and she wants no one to have him. Heres the problem:
He actually will read to me the texts she sends. Like "Hey honey" listen to what she's saying about you now! Like it's some sort of joke. and they are very nasty.So the last time he read them to me, I said "You are going to defend me arn't you"? He was like, What do you want me to say? He said "I don't even want to talk to her". I feel disrespected that he won't even stand up to her. I think he afraid she will keep the kids from him. This has been going on for a year. Well, I got fed up and this is what I did...
I took his phone and read all the texts, there were 67 trashing me to be exact and not once did he say anything to stick up for me. So, I send her a text that said Stop this, I don't love you! I erased it on his phone, I know it was childish to do this. Well, it has been 2 days and I haven't heard from him. So, I'm sure she showed it to him. He has never told her that he loves me or is in love with me. In spite of this I think he may still be in love with her. He says he can't stand her, but I am supposed to be in a relationship with you. Do I own up to what I did? or do I get the hell out!! Thanks
Sounds like the moron is stil
Sounds like the moron is stil pining for her. He's allowing her to disrespect you. The idiot doesn't realise that by her disrespecting YOU, She is, in effect, disrespecting HIM and his decision to have you in his life.
My advice? RUN..RUN...RUN!!!
Get out, if he isn't
Get out, if he isn't defending you or at least telling her to stop there is a reason. Also why is this woman still allowed to be near her children? She sounds like a sex offender to me & should probably be locked up!!
I know it is horrible. From
I know it is horrible. From what I gathered, it was never officially reported. The boy did get taken away, but it was kept quiet. How sad. He told me when child services investigated it he covered for her. Horrible I know.
he COVERED it for HER??
:jawdrop: he COVERED it for HER?? OMG!!! Get out - and get out now!! This is NOT a relationship you want to be in. He is still in love with his ex!!
Another crew???
Another crew???
I wish I could have followed
I wish I could have followed your advice right off the bat. Your answer made the most sense to me. However, this whole thing back fired, as I knew it would in the end. The crazy Ex-bitch showed the children ages 12 and 14. After 3 days of not hearing from this man, I felt very guilty for what I did. I came over to his house and came clean about what I did. I apologized said this was out of character for me but I had had it with him not defending me and her disrespecting me and our relationship, so I took matters into my own hands. He said that the EX cried to him about it and showed the kids. How stupid. Now the youngest one won't speak to him. I really stirred shit up. He really didn't say much, didn't elaborate. I don't know if he took the blame or said that it was me, I didn't ask. So lesson learned on this one. Thank you for your input, I didn't break it off with him....yet
I am totally with tog on this
I am totally with tog on this one...
My DH ignores BM all the
My DH ignores BM all the time.
If he responds to her she gets a sick joy out of it. When she would say nasty stuffa bout me, we would read it - laugh & ignore it. She would text and text and text talking to herself until she went into a complete psychotic frenzie. It was really almost sad, but we laughed & laughed & laughed at her.
He ignored her when she trashed him, & his own mom. However she never harrassed any of us in person, she wasn't that bold. If she stalked me or any of his family something else would have been done for sure.
Thank all of you. You are all
Thank all of you. You are all right and I know it deep down too. I sent a text and asked to see him when he is free today. Haven't heard anything yet. I will address what I have done, and how I feel about this situation. .At any rate Im going to end it with this guy. I guess I just needed guidance from you guys. Thanks for your help will keep you posted.
You are so lucky you have a
You are so lucky you have a chance to get the hell out while you still can! Many of us here don't really have that option, or at least that option has become harder because we now have shared assets and some even biokids with our DHs. You are lucky. Don't blow your chance by staying with this guy and his 2 kids that he had with some other woman!! Lucky you--GO!
The first time BM said
The first time BM said anything nasty he shut that bitch down.
The first time she harassed me he FULLY encouraged me to call the cops. I did and it has been a shit storm ever since, but hey- she prompted it.
If she EVER came near me- much less drove by me slowly???? OMG. I may be visiting him in jail.
ditch his a$$.
Ummmm this guy sounds like a
Ummmm this guy sounds like a jerk, who takes someone back after catching them in bed with a 16 year old kid, especially one who was supposed to be like a child to them? No you walk in on that you call 911 and have her skank ass arrested! He didn't do the right thing in that situation and he is not doing the right situation in regards to you. You do not need a man who can not stand up for you to his ex-whore!
I wish I knew more about what
I wish I knew more about what happened when he was married with the foster boy situation. I wonder if the boy was instructed to keep his mouth shut? I met this guy a little over a year ago and he told me very little information about why? Where?When? I think it is horrible. I have no idea who he is or where he came from to even attempt to report this. I know people in the town do not socialize with his EX.I tried so hard to ignore what she says and does, but it is hard. Well, he never has text me back so I'm assuming that he is aggravated that I went through his phone. Not addressing this with me after I reached out to him tells me how much he values this relationship . Well, from what I has read from your answers, It has given me that push I needed to make my mind up to move on. Go Red Sox!!!