Still paying for Adult SD's phone?
Just curious...My SS15 made a comment this morning that his father (my SO) is going to have both his and his sister's (SD21) mobile phone plans upgraded as they are both going over their internet usage every month.
Last I heard my SO said he wasn't going to renew their phone plans as they are old enough now to start paying for their own (after I was grumbling about them acting entitled and expecting them to be "looked after"). Both phone plans are apparently coming up for renewal soon.
SD21 lives independently (finally) with her BF and generates an income from looking after other peoples horses as well as a couple of casual jobs here and there (she refuses to get a job like the rest of us as she insists she only wants to work with horses) and SS15 only works casually now and then for his father.
We aren't married (but SS15 and my SO live with me) but I resent him paying for things I feel he shouldn't be paying for....but I realise that's coming from my perspective (as its something I woudnt do for my kids). So am I wrong to be wanting him to do this or I should back off and ignore this as they are his kids and he can do what he wants with his kids and pay for anything he wants where his kids are concerned??
Thanks for your comments
Thanks for your comments Cat...although my problem I feel is that its not my place to say what he can and cant do with his kids...as we all know here on this site what most partners with kids (my skids) do and react to any perceived criticism. They are very sensitive to being told what to do and how to parent their kids (even if Im right)...Ive been turned on too many times (after saying something) to just come out blindly and say my peace.
My issue is that he told me he wasn't going to continue paying for SD21 when the plan comes up for renewal....but after what SS15 said, it looks like perhaps he is.
I guess he continues to parent out of guilt and feels sorry for the fact she has no money (but she refuses to get a real job).
I have and pay for my own phone. We don't have a joint account. It just pisses me off no end.
I work in a call center for a
I work in a call center for a phone company and am constantly surprised by the number of people paying for their adult children's phones (and often their grandchildren's too). Wish I could tell them to just stop paying for their adult kids' phones when they complain at me that their phone bills are too expensive.
Pathetic isn't it!! I have
Pathetic isn't it!! I have and will never do this. It breeds dependency.
Adults need to be paying
Adults need to be paying their own way.
The cell phone issue was a big one for me. We paid for osd cell phone. When osd married I told dh it was time for her to get her own phone. My dh said that I needed to be patient cause he new osd would take care of it on her own. A year later I again brought up the fact that OSD needs to get her own phone. She was married and now had a baby. My dh was reluctant to say anything to her, but did. It took her another year before she got her own phone and she made sure to abuse the use of the cell phone and cost us an additional $35.00 on the final bill. A few years earlier she had run up $250.00 in additional charges in one week while she went out of state on vacation. She has never been remorseful about the additional cost. In fact she had an arrogant entitled attitude about it.
Nip it in the buttock. Have her get her own phone now! Your sd is an adult, living with a boyfriend.
Entitled and vile all in
Entitled and vile all in one.
Why do these men even contemplate giving these skids a chance to allow them to treat him that way? It teaches and rewards being disrespectful.
As long as they are in
As long as they are in school, you should pay. If they are out of college, this is their problem.
I agree...SD21 finished
I agree...SD21 finished school 3 years ago and has only RECENTLY organised "employment" which is actually self employment as she only ever wanted to work with horses and has found a place with her BF to rent that has acres so she looks after other peoples horses for them, for payment and only works casually with yearlings in the mornings (young racehorses) and with her dad now and then. She lived with me and SO for a year bludging off me (not paying or contributing to anything around the house...not even in house work) and unfortunately my SO allowed this to happen. Its caused us enormous stress to our relationship as I was feeling like he was treating her like a waif wife...and not demanding her to step up. They all moved out and lived in a rental for a year....she got the main bedroom with the ensuite and walk in robe, whilst my SO chose the smaller bedroom that shares the toilet and bathroom with SS15 (14 at the time). Needless to say I never visited there. I refused to. I felt like it was coming in on her territory and I refused to have to share a toilet with a teenager boy who misses more times than he gets it in. Yuk. I explained how I felt but SO didn't understand. I didn't care. I stood my ground.
So there is a bit of back story as to why I feel pretty sensitive about the mere act of paying for his daughters phone bills. Until he allows them to stand on their own two feet, they will continue to come to him for rescuing.
YES....YES.....YES!!!!!!!!! M
YES....YES.....YES!!!!!!!!!
My thoughts exactly!!
They are scared that they wont be loved or needed anymore. If that's what they feel they need to do...you would have to question the quality of the relationship with your kids??.
Its like the time when SD21 was finally moving into this property a couple of months ago so she can hire out the paddocks for other people to pay her a weekly fee (so she looks after other peoples horses and that's how she makes her money)....It was pretty run down and needed a lot of maintenance...she popped in to borrow yet another thing they still haven't retuned and was complaining to me about how her dad isn't helping her fix the fences, stables, house etc...you get the picture. I was like WTF!! Her BF is a fricken builder for goodness sake and here she is EXPECTING her father to spend hours and hours of his valuable time (whats that??...in between his FT catering business of 60 + a week job) fixing her fricken fences for her so SHE can make money instaed of getting a real job.
The level of entitlement and expectation in his kids astounds me. Mine would NEVER ask me to do such an enormous task on my days off (I work FT)...they get mates or pay for a tradie. FML
"afraid of their own
"afraid of their own children" That is what I have seen for years now. The sad thing is these fearful parents have more power than they think but they hand over their power to their kids.
Totally Cat....I feel for you
Totally Cat....I feel for you and your H...and it bugs me even more that it was up to you to have to nag enough to shame them into doing the right thing which should have been done as soon as they moved out.
And look at the end result??? Your skids don't visit unless theres a reason (money)....allowing this behaviour over the years only creates this situation. And then they go.....why dont my kids visit me???
I NEVER expected or asked my parents for anything and I was sent away to school. The first thing I did was get a job so I didn't have to ask for spending money and would live off $15 a week in groceries (I budgeted)while I boarded with an old lady associated with the church.
Ugghhhh.
I've had this issue for years
I've had this issue for years now with DH. ss30 has been on his bill for 7+ years free of charge. He facebooks and racked up the bill playing online pinball. ss didn't have a job most of those years. DH also had ss26 on his bill too when we first got married. DH then told ss26 that he was a married man with a family and it was time to pay his own bill yet ss30 is still on our bill. DH said that ss30 has been bringing over the money for his bill each month for the last 2 months. Do I believe it, did I see any form of money or payment? No and no.
It was quite an issue for awhile but I figure if DH wants to work harder so ss30 doesn't have to then that's his twisted business.