Stormy - We do everything separately as well, Medical, Insurance, bills... you name it, Cars as well.
Hell we do not even share a house, we live separately

I am fine with this, and this is the way it will be till Aergia leaves the nest (1.5 years) Then I might move back.
The only thing that will change with me moving back, I will start paying 50% of the bond again, since I moved out, I started invoicing SO my 50% as well... rent... why should I pay for a house I'm not living in? SO was upset and I smiled and said, due to you being a shitty parent I was forced out of my house... I'm not paying for it anymore,
If we did not merge years ago he would've lost the house, I bailed him out by purchasing 50% of it...

I will always keep everything separate, It's just easier, I plan ahead, I make sure I have no debt, and I make sure I can retire one day with out worries, SO on the other hand... money burns a hole in his pocket, he spends his salary even before he got it. I will not merge finances with him, never.... my stuff will always be on my name I do not want to loose anything, due to his debt I refuse to get married, I'm not paying for his mistakes one day.

I must say SO has been doing better over the years, with me refusing to merge everything, he's learning how to budget, I do not even lend him money anymore and I have a contract of monies lend to him before... he will pay it back. If you can afford to give your 17 year old 200USD a week-end to party with, you can afford your own bills....
Suddenly he can't buy food, (I use to) I smiled and said - maybe you should spend less on entertainment and more on basic needs..... (see never used the brat's name)

Aergia once said straight out.... SO should give her more money I'm there to buy groceries and pay bills... I just laughed and said... I do not live here, I'm not your mother, I have no obligation towards you go and ask your mother for entertainment money.... it's not my responsibility.

I do plan for my future and SO knows the plan... it's up to him if he will be in that future or not and he knows it....
Yes sounds terrible but my future plans are in such a way that it would not matter if SO is part of it or not... I'm not putting my life on hold....for any one....

I do love the idiot and I would like him to be in my future, I know the idiot loves me the beatch and he wants me in his future... he's day dreaming about it constantly..... we share it with each other but we both know nothing will happen until Aergia reaches 21...
13 months of school left and 24 months of college in different town... I can wait, after that he will not support Aergia financially, this is the custom over here, if kid does not study after school they have to work, and be financially supporting themselves, if they go to college, parents just pay till 21..... then it's over.

you said its like he wants to keep things separate in case of a divorce. Doesn't sound like he has much faith in the marriage. A statement like that would make me feel very insecure. Seems like he is planning for divorce rather than planning for a future with his wife. This would be very upsetting to me. Seems like many of you step families keep finances separate and the poster above a lives separate from her spouse. Also planning for the future and financial plans for the future are important for a married couple.

I understand why people say everything should be separate. But then why be married? This type of separateness, while I understand the thought process behind it, can make a spouse feel like a complete outsider in her own marriage. Anyway. Just some thoughts:)

Nope, DW and I have always held everything jointly with the exception of a few cars over the years that I purchased for her. Those have been in my name only. That is the only way I could surprise her and she nor I ever felt it to be necessary to add her to the title. This is my second marriage and her second notable commited relationship and we both for the most part got out of the prior significant relationship intact or with minimal financial downside.

We married a few months after I completed my undergraduate engineering degree. At that time we had my freshly minted degree, two 8yo cars, and two apartments full of college furniture and belongings. So, for all practical purposes we have built everything we have together over the past 22+ years. My retirement investment accounts are in my name with her as beneficiary and hers are in her name with me as benaficiary. We each have life insurance policies with the other as primary beneficiary. All of our assets go to the other in the event of one of us passing before the other and in the event of our joint demise it all goes into trust for our son (My SS-24 who I adopted) until he either completes a Bachelors Degree from an accredited college or university or turns 40yo whichever comes first.

In your situation I think you are actually in a good position. You can plan for your own retirement future and if the relationship ends since most of the primary assets are in your name you will have the biggest stick to swing in a divorce situation.

I would suggest that you expect the best for a long, lucrative, and happy retirement together but plan for the worst and protect yourself accordingly. Since DH is the one that drives the separate financial position model in the event that the two of you divorce I would use it to your advantage.

Good luck.

You know how during a first marriage religious ceremony they say there are 3 parties in your marriage...God, you and your husband? Well in a second marriage, most applicably to stepMOMs, the 3 parties are you, your husband and the BM/skids/government agencies (CPS, CSEU, etc), which act as the holy trinity god in a second marriage. Pardon the blasphemy.

If I knew then what I know now, I would have made sure that everything stayed separate in our house.
It is pretty divided anyway but I would have kept it ALL separate.
Our house is in my name only as I purchased it prior to our being married.
We have a joint checking for bill paying but I have my own private account that I kept from before marriage as well. I put any (rare) CS that
I get for BS in that account. I refuse to put it into the joint account. However, I also use my private account for all of BS's needs/ expenses.
Other than our joint bank account, we have one vehicle together (DH's truck)
We each have life insurance with the other as the beneficiary (I think). I haven't seen proof that he has me listed as beneficiary but I think
now you have to have your spouse sign acknowledging they are not beneficiary if you don't list them at all.

Honestly the only reason we have a joint account is because DH is too lazy to pay his own bills. So we have a joint account so I can pay all the bills
and make sure it is all taken care of. I will say I am lucky that DH doesn't really spend a ton or make large purchases without discussing it first.

My biggest complaint is his willingness to hand extra money to BM at the second she insists without looking at our financial situation first.
Since that has happened a few times, I started taking 1/2 of my paycheck and putting into my own account so it doesn't go toward BM or the Skids.
I leave enough in the joint account to pay for my portion of the bills.
Had I known it would take so many years to get to this place of peace with our finances, I would have started out separate and stayed separate.

Honestly, it seems like he is waiting for you to kick him out again and he doesn't trust that your not going to do it again. Remember you kicked him out after a few months of marriage. . I am not saying he is right. But that's what his actions seem to say to me.

I agree with Trying. .Supermom: "I think each marriage/relationship is different; different folks, different strokes. Me personally would not want to be married and have everything separated like we were roommates, it wouldn't seem "right" to me."

StormyWeather brings up something that I think even some in the community don't realize, and that is there are different kinds of SMs, and depending on the situation, arrangements, esp. financial, can really vary.

For example, there is the original SM, where BM has passed and there is just DH and SM. No living BM to deal with, but one who has passed can be almost as powerful with SKs as one still living, from what I've seen here. However, you'd think finances would be more like a typical husband and wife. Or, there is DH who remarried and SM has never been married before. Here, they are going to have different expectations--DH might expect more of a partner and SM might expect more of a husband. Or, there is the SM, who is not married to dad, but has been involved with him for so many years, it almost feels like she is, but in that case, I can see where finances would be more separate.

I don't think there is a definitive catch-all regarding how to split finances for SMs. There are just some things that are not all across the board for SMs, and I think how finances are divided is one of them.

When my DH and I were first married, we kept finances pretty separate, if for any reason, due to his income being called in question in ref. to child support. But, now that years have passed, in some ways I think that allowed my DH (and allows many in the general public) to think that SM and dad/DH aren't really married, per se. They are just roommates with benefits. Some will try to use this as an excuse to exclude SM, too, such as, "My dad paid for the wedding and SM did nada." When, in reality, no matter how finances are divided, SM and dad/DH are partnered or husband and wife, and therefore no matter how you spin it, both contributed because at the end of the day, less for one will mean less for the other.