I would have been offended if my step-mom or step-dad had chosen to sit in the back row at my wedding. They are my parents significant others, they should sit with them.

If you and your husband are being asked to contribute to this wedding, then you should be included as much as your husband.

I would ask ahead of time what your SDs expects your role to be at the wedding. If it's not something you're comfortable with, then gladly withdraw from the affair. If it's something reasonable-congratulations and have fun picking out your wedding dress!

My biodaughters SF (my hudband) walked my 21 year old down the isle. Even if DH hadn't walked BioD down the isle, if BioD ever told me she wanted SF to keep a low profile I would have told her to kiss my a**. My DH has been in my biogirls life for about 18 yrs. Your place is to sit with your DH. If you don't fill comfortable sit with one of DH family members or a friend. I don't think you'll achive anything by making a big deal of it to DH. Men are so passive. Since it is SD special day he will let her have her way.

LOL no you don't have to sit at the back of the church in your sack cloth. When SS28 got married, I sat in the front row with DH, BM and BM's mother. No huge deal.

One of the few perks of being a SM (for me, anyway) is getting to actually enjoy a skid wedding as a guest. DH wrote a check for what he wanted to contribute, and that was that. No fuss, no muss. DH and I dined, danced, and had a great time.

I think your role as stepmom at the wedding depends on your relationship with your SD. When my SD got married 2 years ago BM didn't do anything. I ordered the dress she wanted, the flowers she asked for, made reservations for a reception lunch she wanted, and loaned her the something "borrowed". And yes, DH and I paid for it all -- luckily a VERY small courthouse wedding. All BM did was show up, and contributed nothing. I felt a bit used by the end of it, but DH was very happy I "cared" and tried to make sure SD had what she wanted.

Of course, I made sure I had a great dress and new shoes --I call it girl armor. Do not sit in the back, sit graciously and beautifully next to your DH. Only contribute financially what you can afford. I recommend a set monetary amount and let SD figure out how to budget. The days of daddy paying for whatever the bride wants are long over.

Sit back and enjoy the wedding.

I think your role as stepmom at the wedding depends on your relationship with your SD. When my SD got married 2 years ago BM didn't do anything. I ordered the dress she wanted, the flowers she asked for, made reservations for a reception lunch she wanted, and loaned her the something "borrowed". And yes, DH and I paid for it all -- luckily a VERY small courthouse wedding. All BM did was show up, and contributed nothing. I felt a bit used by the end of it, but DH was very happy I "cared" and tried to make sure SD had what she wanted.

Of course, I made sure I had a great dress and new shoes --I call it girl armor. Do not sit in the back, sit graciously and beautifully next to your DH. Only contribute financially what you can afford. I recommend a set monetary amount and let SD figure out how to budget. The days of daddy paying for whatever the bride wants are long over.

Sit back and enjoy the wedding.

What is this utter crap about a bride asking (demanding) a certain amount from a parent (or anybody)?

At most a polite "Please let me know IF you are going to contribute to the wedding expenses so I can count that in the planning." NEVER EVER EVER a demand.

Doesn't anyone know how to say "no" anymore? Okay I know most of these dads don't - but when I hear how the SM has to make sacrifices and is sometimes even the major breadwinner I think "Duh - If I make the money no third party gets to demand it." except the government

No, do not contribute to the wedding. You are not her parent.

I would attend and 'smile'n'wave' my way thru the event.

And please sweetie, don't worry about the BM taking centre stage. Anyone who really KNOWS the family will know what she is really like and what the dynamic between SD and BM is really about. And those who don't know are not going to think "Oh, the BM is so wonderful. I wonder why BF gave up that amazing woman for THAT?(you)". Ifg anythng they will think "Nice wedding, where is the bar? It better not be a cash bar. And why did the MOTB wear that awful colour? It makes her look sick. Sm is wearing a very nice colour. I wonder why they did the wedding like this? It is too tacky."

My SD is getting married soon. There is absolutely no way I am going to allow myself to be stuck in the back of anywhere. I sit with my DH or I leave - he had better be right there with me too. DH asked me if we could give them some money as a wedding present. He said they hadn't approached him at all. SD doesn't call the house - ever - and she was really obnoxious to me when they asked for money towards the deposit on a new house. (This was a couple of years ago). DH and I have an agreement (his idea). If I feel slighted or snubbed in any way by SD or even if I feel she or her fiance is "off" in any way, even if DH doesn't see it, they don't get a single penny. I am pretty confident that SD just won't be able to help herself - she snubbed me at her graduation - and I think the same thing will happen at the wedding. After all, she's 29 going on 10! And pamff - as for wearing "sackcloth and ashes" don't even THINK about it - get yourself a gorgeous outfit and you go to that wedding and hold your head up high and sit with YOUR husband! }:)

Oh and all that stuff about sitting in the back isn't written in stone either. I think it is usually reserved for occasions when the BM and SM don't get along and might end up looking like something on the Jerry Springer show!

Interesting. . . This bears repeating. Here it is 2015, and yes I do still see crud posted on so-called etiquette sites like, "Once again, the bride has the last say, but typically the stepmother should sit in the third row behind the biological parents." Here is a quote from a bride herself: "First of all, as a bride, I don't want to celebrate MARRIAGE by requiring married people to not be with their spouse. Who does that???" I also don't get the whole, "It's my day" attitude with brides. That's not a free pass to insult people. As soon as you invite other people, a wedding is no longer just about you. You are hosting an event and that comes with certain responsibilities and social conventions. And, if dad is contributing to the wedding, so is stepmom. Whatever money dad contributes, both stepmom and dad will have to make up for by eating less that month, etc. They are a married couple, and their incomes are combined, just like the bride and grooms will be after they are married. Stepmom should be treated like dad’s spouse, because that is precisely what she is. And unless the bride and groom are planning on separating everyone from their spouses at their wedding, dad and stepmom are a packaged deal and should stay together just like any other married couple. Good news, though, I have actually seen, yes even on some etiquette sites, the mantra now being you DO keep married couples together. To me having the step-mom (and usually it is the step-mom and not the step-dad) sit on row 3 is a leftover from the turn of the century, and not from the 2000's from the 1900s.