Stand up for your kids and there property. Also don't let his kids disrespect you no matter what he says. or start treating him like dirt and ask him how he likes it. He sounds like an ass if I may say so. You have a voice now use it. Do it now before it gets to bad like mine did. Except its not my husband treating me like dirt. But same thing.. tell him how you feel about him and your marriage and where you think its headed if he does not respect you enough by making his kids respect you.

Happy

" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..

100%. Get a hold of your situation before it get worse. This is far from healthy for any of you.

By all means, you know them best. I don't know, a family meeting? Definately, sit down calmly and talk to your DH. This is no longer acceptable.

How can you expect to help anyone, if you are not happy.

Best wishes. Jo

"Why, if Juan Valdez had our beans, he would have shot his donkey and burned down the mountain." Jessica - Soap

It has come to my attention after dealing with my husband, that men in general are normally very data oriented factual guys, they don't deal with nor care about emotional.
However, I have found that I have gotten a completely different response from my DH, when I have sat him down at a conveinent time for a Family Meeting, had my questions already written out, I have also found that this keeps me from getting angry and I stay on track so that I get everything asked and answered, and because it's then agenda oriented, for whatever reason my data conscious hubby responds better.
Either you can ask him all of your questions and address all of your concerns at one time and leave the floor open to him, and that means leave the floor to him, if you want to reach a conclusion you have to hear his side. Or you can tackle it one issue, problem, or concern at a time.
Be factual:
Don't just have a page full of "I hate it when your kids don't let my kids play with their toys, I hate it that your kids do not mind me" No one wants to hear all of that, but their is one thing that NO ONE can refute, and that is facts and an option as to how to repair the problem.
In my opinion I would do it as this, and this is not by any means the only way. But based on your concern I would say,
"DH I would like to be able to sit down with you to discuss some items that are concerning me, can you please tell me when would it be a good time to meet?"
Don't fall for the "so what's this gonna be about?" Either he wants to meet or not, that is his way of finding out if he wants to meet with you, this is not an option, so don't fall for it. Get a time for the meeting.
Before the meeting sit down with yourself and truly draw a 3 column table that says at the top: Problem/Issue, What this is Doing, and How to Fix.
For example on the direpect issue it would say:
Problem: Kids do not respect me
What this is Doing: When you allow the kids to not listen to me, or to not speak to me in a cordial adult friendly tone it teaches them that they don't have to listen to me, that I don't have to be respected as an adult in this house, nor as your wife nor as their step mom, it diminshes me and makes me feel as if I don't matter in this house, and that you don't even stick up for me by correcting their wrong.
Solution: In the future it would be helpful for me if no matter what I say, If you don't agree with it, that this discussion not occur in front of any kids, and I would do the same, let me finish saying whatever I need to say, and pull me aside later in the privacy of our bedroom for us to speak about it. I would also like it if the kids are speaking derogatory at me, I will point this out and if you are around after I have said what I need to say the kids need to hear from you that you also agree, so that they see that WE are a unified couple and not divided.
This is just some examples, obviously fill the form in to suit the concerns of your house.
If you know that you are also weak in some of the same areas you will be pointing out to him, address this as well. Don't have it be a finger pointing 2 hour meeting, no one wants to be a part of that, this should be a solution meeting.
I think you will find great results by implementing this plan in the future.

"Be there for the joy. Be there for the tears. Be there for each other."
(Step-Mom the Movie 1998)

Well, we all agree that the root of the problem is your husband not standing beside you or standing up for you, something most stepmoms know all about. Communication is the key.

I'm curious as to what exactly happened that the kids began to turn on you? Do you think they are jealous of your position w/ their dad and are trying to push boundaries or assert themselves as more important to him? Do you think the BM has filled their ears w/ lies or made them feel as though any respect for you is disloyalty to her? Is she even in the picture?

Are the two boys in the house friendly at all being the same age? Do they go to school together, etc?

If you really can't find any rhyme or reason to the change in their attitudes, and are certain you've never outwardly shown any favortism towards your own children, then consider asking them if they'd like to talk - is something bothering them? They aren't very young kids who wouldn't be able to have a normal conversation w/ you, after all.
Have you done anything or not done something that bothered them? If you get nowhere, then they need to be told BY THEIR FATHER that this treatment of you and your children is not appropriate and will not be tolerated. If he stalls, drag him to a marriage counselor who, I would bet, would tell him that the two of you must have a united front. PERIOD!

Good luck and keep us posted,
Dana

I can totally relate to your issues. I, too, have a DH who is more interested in being his grown kids' friend and not their parent. I've even seen, on a much smaller level, this to some degree w/ our own kids - or rather than be the friend, he'll call me in to do the parenting...

Like you, I have felt like my DH has made me dislike his kids! I mean, if I saw he was trying to do the right thing, but struggling, I'd love to be a shoulder for him to lean on. But, instead, I see him making the same mistakes w/ this daughter living w/ us (see my other post - it's ridiculous) as he made w/ his grown son. I feel like my hands are tied and it's sad.

I think we both could benefit by dragging our husbands into some therapy. I've told mine, "Look, if an educated, impartial third party feels I'm overreacting or need to lighten up, then maybe I need to hear it from him/her. But, you also need to be open minded in case you're the one not handling things all that great." Maybe it would work w/ you guys to take that approach.

I've also heard that rather than point out things that have been done to you w/ specific examples, you'd get farther by saying how the action/lack of action made you feel. My husband hasn't really responded to that, but maybe yours would?

Good luck,
Dana