SD20 Wedding in Three Weeks
So, I guess I am just asking for a bit of support and advice, as DH and I will be attending SD20's wedding in about three weeks.
SD20, her husband and her toddler son live with us. They pay us nothing toward rent or household expenses, but are expected to buy their own food and whatever they need for the three of them. My SSIL is a decent, stand-up kind of guy. Sadly, SD20 has already cheated on him once (like BM, like daughter!). SD20 remained with her dad when he and BM separated, and and we've all been living together for several years. SD20 and I have made our way over time to a decent relationship, but I don't fool myself about where her true loyalties lie. She's currently a SAHM, and hasn't been to college.
So, this wedding coming up... ugh. SD20 and her husband are already *legally married*. They've been married for just over a year now. This wedding is about nothing more than SD20 being "princess for a day." It's also being done on a shoestring (DH and I could not afford to help with anything, so SD and her hubby are paying for it themselves, and with whatever few funds they've been able to hit up other people for). I am virtually 100% sure this wedding is not going to live up to SD20's expectations. I don't even think many guests will be there--this girl does not have a lot of friends (SD20 is bipolar, and her reputation for drama is well known in the area).
As if dealing with the BM, and unfriendly SS17, SS21 and their girlfriends (and the GFs have been decidedly cool toward me, the couple of times I've encountered them) was not enough, the BM's father and brother will be in attendance--they are both Methodist ministers. (Neither of them is officiating the wedding, though.)
I would not choose the option of staying home. I would not send my DH into that viper pit alone, not to mention this is the one stepchild with whom I have a half-decent relationship (my frustrations with her life choices in general notwithstanding).
I don't want to create drama at my SD's wedding, and I hope BM would not be that stupid, either. However, she may be feeling brave with her father and brother there, and the father and brother may try to approach DH and me with a "sermon." If anyone approaches and tries to give us any shit, I am not exactly sure I will be able to hold my tongue, especially if the father and brother are as overbearing and self-righteous as my DH says they are. I have been so silent and so invisible for so long.
Thank you for listening. <3
Oh, and the reception is
Oh, and the reception is "dry," in deference to the ministers. DH and I will probably hide flasks in our clothes so we can self-medicate during the debacle.
Might I suggest a little self
Might I suggest a little self medicating before, as well?
Looong before... like
Looong before... like starting right now. To the bride and groom... Bottoms up!
Seriously, your DH is lucky that you are so brave and supportive. One thing you need to bring to that wedding is your sense of humor.
Think of it as doing research: you are just gathering material for your blog.
You are an anthropologist, and the natives are known to have wild and unexpected attacks of piety. Be sure to document them religiously!
I don't like "dry" weddings.
I don't like "dry" weddings. My DH has 2 sisters who marry off their children at a young age. They belong to a special church which is cool but everyone inter-marries. It's interesting. Their weddings are nice but "dry". We always drink beforehand.
What Pilgrim said. Choose to
What Pilgrim said. Choose to be the picture of grace. Worst that can be said is that you're "snooty". I wear that badge very proudly from SS18's graduation.
Its called "class" BM, you wouldn't understand.
Don't react to anything.
Don't react to anything. You'll get blamed for all of it.
If you insist on having fun wear the devil worshiping symbol. I have no idea what it is but there must be one and a web search should find one available by mail before the wedding.
I proudly wear my pentacle
I proudly wear my pentacle daily. It freaks people out.
I agree
I agree
I think self-medicating
I think self-medicating beforehand is a good plan. For some reason I hadn't thought of drinking *before* the wedding!
Good thing I'm a happy drunk. I may just get through this after all.
Since I'm a Witch (animist witch, not Satanic witch) I already own a pentacle necklace. I don't wear it every day, but maybe this would be a good day to pull it out of the jewelry box. DH has a pentacle necklace, too, (he's a "green man/witch") but for himself, he might view this as too deliberately provocative. (One of the lesser issues in why he and BM broke up is that their spiritual paths diverged in in a big way in 2008, a couple years before DH and I even met.)
It would be nice if SD would move her train wreck on outta here real soon, but I'm not hopeful of this happening until tax time next year.
Ditto, don't poke the bear.
Ditto, don't poke the bear. I suspect BM and family will just ignore you, which is certainly preferable than otherwise!
Have a drink (or 3) before the wedding and then ignore them right back.
I do feel for you though. My own SD 22 is getting married in about a month. It has the potential to be... interesting. Ever hear of the Chinese curse? "May you live in interesting times." Yeah. THAT kind of interesting. *sigh* I may start self medicating NOW....
I proudly wear my pentacle
I proudly wear my pentacle everyday. My SS is getting married in a few weeks. The family is christian and the BM's family is jewish. I am not looking forward to being around BM. She is a narcissistic jerk and SS has already commented to DH that he has to keep reminding his mother that this is not her wedding. Poor SS and his fiancé; I really feel sorry for them. The fiancé has no idea what she is in for; having BM as a mother in law. It's going to be hard to tolerate her but we are there to support SS and I will act with class and not engage with the narcissistic wonder and SD. I like the idea of having a flask handy; I will make sure its nice and full and I will take a purse large enough to conceal it.
Oh yes, and I will be wearing my pentacle
. Accidental post. Sorry
. Accidental post. Sorry
I understand wanting to
I understand wanting to include family in a wedding recognition ceremony after eloping. My bride and I are doing this same thing next month. On our 20th anniversary.
We eloped. Though it was announced my ILs did not attend. Only my brother and his family, my college BFF and his GF (long gone now), my mom an DWs aunt and uncle attended.
Our vow renewal is in DWs home town and her dad is walking her down the isle. FIL did not get to walk either of his daughters down the isle so this is a special event for my bride. We are also presenting FIL with the completed adoption papers for my bride. He has been her dad since birth but the paperwork was never done. My brides biodad was killed in a car wreck before my MIL knew she was pregnant with my bride. MIL remarried my FIL when my bride was 2mos old. FIL's family and my MILs family were very close family friends and when my MIL returned home a young pregnant widow my FIL was there for her and for my bride for the pregnancy and beyond.
The funny thing is that my SS's Sperm Grandma asked if she, Sperm Grandpa, and the three younger also out of wedlock sperm idiot spawned half sibs were invited. :? :jawdrop:
Nope, not happening. The Skid actually laughed at Sperm Grandma when she asked that questions.
Be radiant at your SD's "wedding". Being happy is the best revenge against toxic toothless morons. If BM or the preacher bros start any shit just hex them and keep being radiant. }:)
Have fun.
Have fun.
When certain people in my
When certain people in my life start preaching at me, I usually smile earnestly, lean forward, touch their arm, "I'm so happy for you! How wonderful you have that comfort in your life! I will always want to support you in that!" A flummoxed look on their face appears and a change of topic soon follows. **smiles wickedly**
Update: everything actually
Update: everything actually went pretty well, surprisingly. I did drink myself to a good buzz beforehand, and after my buzz wore off, stress-smoked intermittently through the reception (which conveniently allowed me to step outside a few times). I haven't smoked in 15 years and I was bumming cigs off my SSIL--that's how stressful this was!
The wedding was not well attended, as I expected. Beyond the extended family, there were only about 15 people in attendance. BM's preacher father showed up, but he never approached me. His wife (who is his 2nd wife; he's a widower) approached and introduced herself, and was very polite. The BM actually even approached and sat down for a nice little tete-a-tete. I did question her directly about what she says to the children about me, and she denied it. I said, "your children's behavior strongly suggests otherwise." Whatever, Madame Bipolar/Narcissist. She conveniently blocks out anything that doesn't fit "today's" narrative. We ended up the conversation with an agreement to be "friendly" to each other on the few occasions when we will have to come together for these things in the future.
Glad that's over [*whew*]. I've spent the past week since the wedding sending links to SD about apartments for rent. }:)
Good for you for getting
Good for you for getting through this event. I just attended SS's wedding this past weekend and had a blast. I'm glad for you that it's over. Hopefully SD will be out of the house soon. Good luck.
Just a postscript to this: I
Just a postscript to this: I learned a few months later that the BM's father--who is a now-retired minister--married his second wife, she having been the woman he was having an affair with, back in the day! So I don't suppose there was any chance he would have come up to my DH (and I) and attempted to preach to him/us about marital fidelity. I guess you just don't know about people, until you do!
And I am still smoking.
Stress.
And I also got my SD out of my house.