Opinions Please
I would like everyone's honest opinion on my latest situation. My DH has two daughters, one 34 and one 32. We were having dinner at his Mother's on Sunday and the youngest said to him "Daddy, you are going camping with us on Father's Day weekend, aren't you?" This was the first I had heard of this. This slightly irritated me because I am usually left out of the loop on knowing anything about trips, etc. they plan together until the plans are usually already made. This has been one of many issues in our marriage over the 8 years with his "girls". On the way home I asked him and he said that was also the first time he had heard of the trip. What really upset me was that when we got home and I saw the calendar, I realized that Friday and Saturday night before Father's day was a local music festival we have talked about going to for weeks. When I told him this, he said I was just being a baby and it was Father's Day. I said why don't you go on Sunday morning and camp Sunday night (Father's Day), since all of them have flexible schedules. He acts like they are going on for the weekend and the youngest was over last night talking about it again (to which he never said a word). I guess the think that really hurts is him or them never consider that his WIFE may have other plans with him and he is willing to dump me in a second if they want to do anything else. I'm tired of coming second in my own home to two other grown women - this has went on for years, one year even on Valentine's Day. He will never see my side of things and always thinks he and they are right. Am I being a baby - Opinions please .
It wouldn't be so bad if it
It wouldn't be so bad if it was on Sunday, but they're talking about all weekend - which we had already made plans for, which he is saying now he really didn't want to go with me to the music festival anyway, he was just going to go with me because I wanted to go. I should ask he what he wants to do every now and then so he says. That's what is so upsetting to me - Sunday I would never dare planning anything with him - I've learned where I stand the other 364 days of the year.
take a girlfriend and party
take a girlfriend and party it up at the festival and when dh returns from his delightful camping weekend, you'll have your fair share of good times to discuss ~~ or be laying on the couch saying "bring me a coke and some more aspirin"
so 34 & 32 year olds have no life??? i am going to spend the weekend with my dad and I am taking dh with me..... father's day doesn't fall on our weekend to have skids and i have made it clear to skids and mil that we will be out of town that weekend and would see them the following wed as scheduled..... skids don't seem to care, but it's driving mil up a fucking wall!
I think he's inconsiderate to
I think he's inconsiderate to make ANY plans without consulting you, irrespective of the holiday. He should have said "hey honey the girls want to go camping the weekend of Father's Day. What do you think?"
At the very least he should apologize to you, take the trip, and make it clear that in the future the weekend of Father's Day is his weekend with his girls.
Along those same lines, Valentine's Day and the surrounding weekend are YOUR TIME and he needs to let the girls know that.
If this has been going on for 8 years you need to sit down with him and set some guidelines out, maybe even written and signed, and expect him to stick to them.
Good luck.
I agree, which is exactly
I agree, which is exactly what I told him. I told him that when it came up at his Mother's house I wish he had said, "Do we have any plans for that weekend?". He says he shouldn't have to ask my permission like a child.
As far as apologizing, he thinks he has done nothing wrong and says I am acting like a baby. I'm sure he's waiting on me to apologize - we have barely spoken since Sunday.
And no, I found out quick that Valentine's day is NOT my time and he would sure not let his "girls" know that -for fear he may hurt them - he doesn't care to hurt me, though.
I also agree we need to sit down and talk - but when it comes to this subject, he is very unreasonable, at other times a very reasonable man. I guess I'm learning the hard way why he was divorced for 18 years and the "girls" (32 and 34) had them all to themselves. I may try to talk, but I have made no progress in the future. We have been to marriage counseling, it helped somewhat, but actions speak alot louder than words.
I'm on your side with
I'm on your side with this.
While I can understand spending Father's day camping, the entire weekend seems to be a bit much. Since he knows scheduling conflicts have caused problems, out of consideration he should have at least consulted with you before making plans for the entire weekend.
It would be nice if going forward he told his girls "you know I think I'm free, but let me make sure DW doesn't have anything planned, and I'll get back to you" - out of consideration and respect for you.
Unfortunately the "girls" plans take precedence over yours.
I agree with you and the
I agree with you and the other posters. 1) It's rude and disrespectful to ignore plans with you that were already agreed upon. 2)Nothing wrong with spending the day of Father's day with his 'girls'.
I find it a little wierd that his daughters are as old as they are and want to camp with him for the whole weekend. Also the "daddy" moniker...I hear this from my BD18 and SD20 only when they want something. It's a little too much for me...sickeningly sweet.
I have always found their
I have always found their relationships "weird". When I was in my 30s, I loved my Dad, but didn't want to spend an entire weekend with him - don't they have friends their own age they would enjoy spending time with. Their Dad is in his 50s and I'm in my 40s, not much older than them. One of their cousins told me a few months back, the oldest one acts like her dad is he boyfriend? WTH? If I mention anything, he says I am just jealous. I'm sure nothing has ever happened sexually, but it is like they are all so needy and clingy to each other. He does agree occasionally, and says he probably treats them differently than if he had never been divorced from their Mother. Guilt parenting?
I posted this on the "Dads
I posted this on the "Dads and adult daughters" thread. May be applicable for your situation, too:
IMO, I think when the relationship between the adult parents is not good, there is the possibility that either or both of the parents will unconsciously (or actively) seek out an emotional 'surrogate' in the child(ren) of the opposite gender. Therefore, you wind up with Daddy's Girls and Mama's Boys. I do think it tends to happen more on the Daddy's Girls side, though. And popular culture just feeds it. For example, just listen to country music (which many men listen to). You can't go 15 minutes without hearing some sappy song that has a "daddy's girl" theme it in. Kind of sick really; it used to be love songs were about men and women. Now it's about men and their daughters!
Unfortunately us step-parents
Unfortunately us step-parents are usually put 2nd...or 3rd...and so on....