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Offending my Adult SD20

lovenlife777's picture

Submitted by lovenlife777 on Tue, 03/22/2016 - 7:36am

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Adult Stepchildren

I don't know how to cope. Every time I get into a fight with my wife. The Adult SD20 who does still lives at home with no job gets steps up to defend mom and then the fight becomes the fact that I scared SD20 and need to apologize to SD20 about scaring her rather than the issue the me and my wife originally where fighting about. I then acquiesce apologize and the issue was never solved so a few weeks later me and my wife have another fight, SD20 gets involved, I apologize to SD20 and the cycle repeats.

lovenlife777's picture

Submitted by lovenlife777 on Tue, 03/22/2016 - 9:20am

Reason wife is bring the skid into the fight is because most of the fights have been fights about skid and the fact that skid20 has no job and is constantly at home and I also have to apologize to skid for saying to my wife that I think that she should get a job that allows me and my wife to have some space.

sammigirl's picture

Submitted by sammigirl on Tue, 03/22/2016 - 12:19pm

Don't fight! Especially when SD20 is present. Why are you fighting anyway!

I know married couples have disagreements, we've had our share, even to the point of separating; but never in front of the kids.

When you stop arguing in front of SD, it solves most of the problem. Next time you feel the urge to open your mouth, walk away and take a break; this is what I do and it helps.

Again, leave SD20 out of it; you take the task of purposely leaving her out. "luvmypuppy" is correct, it is none of SD's business anyway. If you begin having a life without SD in the conversation and you and DW leave the house to have dinner, or a evening walk. Disengage completely from SD20 and pretend she is not in the house; don't discuss SD with your wife. If it comes up, change the subject.

Hopefully she will get a job and move on. I understand three's company!

always_anxious's picture

Submitted by always_anxious on Fri, 04/08/2016 - 3:05pm

I'm sure everyone has covered this, but I'll put in my two cents. There should be no arguments in front of others, have your fights in private. If she lives there then discuss in private, make her go in her room.

Don't allow your wife to deflect. She's deflecting to "oh you scared poor SD" instead of staying on topic.