Help new step parent
Recently remarried, have several stepchildren in the teen years. One is 17 year old boy. He insists on using our master bathroom as his own for everything from showering to brushing teeth. He has his own bathroom. My wife (his biological mom) sees no issues with this, I think master bathroom and bedroom should be off limits as this is our personal space. Wife takes this as an affront and this issue has caused numerous fights. Stepson also demands (and mom acquiesces) to her driving him all over to sporting events just to get promotional items such as bobble heads and T-shirt’s. They go to event grab stuff and then leave. This is putting a huge strain on me as it’s taking away almost ALL of my time to spend with wife. Essentially I get zero time with wife as he demands and she allows him to act this way. On top of all that mom praises him for work done by others ie setting up his room, his brothers did all the work hanging pictures etc while he sat on his ass - but he claims credit for it and she allows it. In my opinion kids under my roof don’t get to make decisions for family nor should they try to run household. Most of the time he acts like a 10 year old and that’s an understatement and wife allows it. Am I wrong to expect/demand privacy in my master bath and bedroom? Am I wrong to be concerned that wife allows and acquiesces to his demands to do things his way? At the age of 17 he is still “tattletalesing” on his siblings. She claims he has been to a therapist and claims that “it’s normal behavior”. Maybe I am wrong but would like advice. Wife says that if I have an issue with him in our bathroom that she chooses his side and not mine.HELP!
"Wife says that if I have an
"Wife says that if I have an issue with him in our bathroom that she chooses his side and not mine."
Well, here you have your answer. He is the husband, you are second to him.
As far as trying to parent her kids, tell them how to behave, not let them run the household, good luck - she's clearly allowing that and they aren't going to listen to you, nor is she going to support it.
Seems like these are things you two should have worked out before you got married, but since you already have, how much of this will you be willing to take?
I agree this is something
I agree this is something that we should have talked about but after dating her off and on for 9 years I never had seen the bathroom behavior issue before. So I had no idea this was even a possibility of an issue. Wife works a ton and makes a ton of money so her living “off of me” isn’t an issue.
You're in for a long, hard
You're in for a long, hard road. Of course you're not wrong. And you're obviously not high on the list of your wife's priorities. I hope you have separate finances and are not supporting her and her brood.
Make it uncomfortable for SS to come into your room
Leave handcuffs out in the open,, sex toys, ropes condoms, exter large, ribbed ect even if you don’t used them, he will know. Imagine his mother telling him, you are kidding
Yeah, no skids allowed in my
Yeah, no skids allowed in my bedroom or my master bathroom. It sucks all these issues were kept from you until after you tied the knot. She obviously has no intentions of putting you first, or even equal to the SS.
No Boundaries
Boundaries always seem to be a huge issue within step famlies.
The fact that now you are there full time, and that you want boundaries in place, because YOU are the husband and NOT SS, should be acceptable to DW. When you tried to speak to her about this issue, and she told you point blank that she would choose "his side", well I would listen to that statement and consider your options for leaving. This wont just go away. You can try locking doors, or discussions, etec. But it seems like things are pretty much setlled. He wont move out - he has it way too good! There are a host of issues all stemming from parenting.
But your DW has to WANT to change things, and apparently she does NOT.
Good luck! I would be considering my options.
If my DH ever said to me that
If my DH ever said to me that he’d choose his child’s wants over my needs, most of the rest of our conversations would be through our attorneys.
Total dealbreaker for me.
Private space is not an unreasonable request, you know that, right?