you and DH meet her in a public area and observe her, if she really is telling the truth don't allow her in your home just yet and go from there

You can't protect your DH, that's his battle to fight, he's a grown man.

You can protect your home by insisting that she not come there until DH AND you are certain she has really changed (which, considering you already know she is lying about her sobriety, she probably hasn't), and you can protect yourself by refusing to have anything to do with her (she's lucky she didn't go to jail for attacking you). 

Let DH sort it out on his own. 

Ive just recently learned the true meaning of disengagement myself,  it I think this is what you need.

Put all the responsibility on DH, if he wants to have a relationship with her and gkids than so be it, if you want to have a relationship with them then it probably won’t be on your terms unless it’s to be completely absent.

I agreed this woman should be no where near you or your home after your physical altercations and DH should support your requests for this. However, I’m learning that a DH won’t ever give up on a child, no matter what that “child” has done, out of guilt or whatever reason it may be. We have to pick our battles I think and if you remove yourself from the situation not only will you feel better, but it has a tendency to shine a lot of light on skids that you were shadowing for them before. 

Good luck!

It’s not like throwing a switch back to one big Happy Family.  first of all people really do not change. Physical assault you if far differently than her saying a mean thing to you, unless she had some professional help in anger management.  I would not even attempt anything with her.  And that up to you if you want to do that.

You are the one that was assaulted.  Nobody can tell you what to do. Nobody else was assaulted by SD. Some people can get over it, others can not.  Remember she assaulted you. It’s not the other way around 

A blaring omission is whether or not you called the police and had her violent ass arrested for assaulting you.  Please tell me that you had her frog marched in hand cuffs to the police car and that she has an assault conviction on her permanent record.

If not.... why not?

This POS is a write off. Keep her at a distance and in the past. She has no place in your life or your DH's. 

Harry nailed it. People do not change. Even if their behavior is temporatily reasonable, anyone who assaulted you should never be trusted, forgiven, or even tolerated.

IMHO of course.

OF COURSE it's about the money. It always is with bottom feeders.

Let's not lose sight of the facts: this woman physically attacked you. While you were driving. While her child was in the car. She lies. She has a drinking problem. She claims to be sober, but has not owned, apologized for, or made amends for her outrageous behavior. She has not contacted her father in six long years. No birthdays, No Father's Day, No Christmas. No sign that she loves, cares, or has any concern for her dad. Is this correct?

What has changed? Has she been to rehab? Gotten therapy? Medication? Done the hard work to become self aware and develop insight? Or, did a wealthy family member just coincidentally pass away shortly before SD realized how very much she loves her Daaddee? *sarcasm*

My DH and I have been through this. We ignored the facts and tried to reunify with OSD, who was oh so nice to us after DH's father died. We loved the gskids, and wanted very much for something good to come out of something sad. We paid thousands for the privilege of having OSD in our life. The more we gave, the more OSD wanted, and she started coaching the gskids to ask for things as well. I ignored the selfishness, the snide jibes and snubs, but the first time I had the temerity to speak up about something rotten OSD did, she cut us off from the gskids. It's been eight years now, and they live only a few miles away. Of course, she blamed me for it all. Skids always blame the stepparent.

Keep your boundaries up. You and your DH need to be united in this (as you would with anyone who victimized you); otherwise his daughter will seek to drive a wedge between you and exploit her father. She sounds like a very damaged person, and hurt people hurt other people.

I'm sorry you had to go through that ordeal. If your H wants to rebuild a relationship with his daughter, by all means he can but please do not let your guard down and always protect yourself and your space. She may be sober but you are not obligated to have anything to do with her. You don't owe her anything.

Don't allow her in your home and always take care of you.

My DH so wants to believe that his worthless POS son has finally grown up.  He's just found a "better" woman to mooch off of.  Someone with a job, car, and home vs the druggie hos he usually shacked up with.

Not my concern at all.  I've washed my hands of SS34 permanently.  Not one thing he could do for me to let him back in my life (and wallet).  And DH knows that.  He of course is free to see him as he wishes.  

"She says she owns a very successful business and that her boyfriend now husband earns more than we do."

This is texbook bullcrap.  Go to any AA meeting and you will hear garbage like this.  I've heard this junk a million times.  Good call not believing it.  

Her request does not merit consideration. A simple "no" will suffice.

If your DH wants to see her he can do it elsewhere. No way would I allow a violent loon into my home.

And for God's sake don't let her in your car.