I will try to summarize this so here it is.... My husband and I have been married now for 4 years. Both of us have(1)previous marriage which ended in betrayal and adultery by the other spouse. I was divorced with 4 children for 8 years prior to this married and he, well, not very long and has 3 children. Both of us were granted primary custody of all minor children which at the time of our marriage he only had a 15 year old boy and I had a 13 and 16 years old boys as well as my 22 years son who is handicap. So the left us with 4 boys and 3 of them minors. Prior to our marriage we had talked about the kids and what we wanted for them and what we both agreed on doing for them to help them with the blended family. I was aware that his 15 year old son had been a handful throughout his life. As well, as my youngest, was also a handful. It was amazing how well all 7 of the kids got alone- you would have thought they were all biological siblings or at least raised together. We tried to keep the family together by having a family night twice a month where everyone got together for dinner and whatever activity we had planned- this went very well and they loved it.

We had agreed on discipline for the two little "hellions" because we knew they we going to continue the road they were on despite our intervention.

So, my 15 year step-son came here and was behind in school due to skipping school (which my husband or his Ex was aware not of) so, due to him being so behind and having to switch schools in the middle of the year I volunteered to home school him throughout the rest of the school year and through the summer to get him back on task. My ss loved this idea since, according to him, he was tired of being behind. This went well for a few months than he just stopped doing anything I asked him. I spoke with my husband about this and decided to give him one more chance with the option of completing his homeschooling and be where he needed to be the first of the new school year or start off the new school year behind. Well, he choose to get caught up but his lack of interest left him behind and he started the school year off behind. Throughout the next 2 years of school, we received phone calls from the school at least twice a week for either attendance or failure to do schoolwork. Now my biological son who had just turned 14 and just starting high school ended up falling in his footsteps- he finally wised up and started trying but by this time was so far behind he had a hard time catching up but he was trying. The ss kept ditching school and eventually stopped going....By time my son was 17 he stopped going as well. So now we have 2 drop outs. We told them both the would have to get their GED and find some kind of vocational training. SS finally got his GED after 2 years of asking him to and my son work with a friend who has his own business (but he does not live with me). My son was booted out after countless times of asking him to straighten up. The step son still lives here, although we did boot him out once which he refused to do anything but live in his truck, and finally we allowed him to come back with the stipulation he attends college and respect our home.

My ss is a slob!!! He will not clean up after him self. He has broke several thing in our home through being drunk or just not giving a crap. He has stopped going to school (community college) but is working. In the past 2 years, he has been arrested for DUI, he has lost his driving privileges twice and lost his vehicle, etc. His biological mother bails him out of everything (she has come into a little money), she pays his tickets, fines, bail, fixes his vehicle, gives his gas money, insurance, etc,etc,etc.... We do make the ss pay rent of $100 a month which he is seldom on time with and we usually have to remind him. He also is expected to buy his own personal hygiene supplies and laundry detergent- this never happens!! He will use my handicap sons stuff who does have a job and he does have a h.s. diploma. My ss won't even purchase clothing,socks, shoes, nothing unless it has to do with "fixing up his truck". Now, the truck is a whole other story- his mom bought him this after feeling "sorry" for her little boy after he lost his vehicle when he got a dui and spent 3 days in jail (also was charged with a concealed weapon while intoxicated this ended up being dropped). The whole time I kept telling her that he needs to learn to provide for himself but she was convinced that he learned his lesson. So she paid for his sr-22 insurance bought him a truck and gave him gas money- I felt like she enabling him and then sending him home for us to deal with...Every time he does something to get in trouble she bails him out. Which the list is long of all the countless time he has been in trouble.

Now, the problem is, I can not talk to my husband about this because every time I do he gets mad and starts trying to find fault in one of my kids then it just leads to an argument. I tried to point out the things he was doing (or not doing) and he just gets mad... I want him gone!!! He can go live with his mom but won't because he doesn't like her new husband (his mom left his dad for a much older man whom she had been seeing for years prior to leaving)and in fact at one time wanted to kill both of them- we had to intervene when he tried to leave the house with a loaded shotgun stating he was going to shoot that old man and then her.

I have also talked to my husband about his mental state- I truly believe the boy is touched and needs help. My husband wont even talk to him about it. He does such off the wall things (mostly dangerous or just right disgusting) that he doesnt have any friends ( or he has friend for short periods until they get to know him) and even my kids keep their distant because they say he is "nuts".

I have begged my husband to talk to him about getting help... And tell him he either gets help and starts respecting our home or he can find a new place to live... My husband will not face it, he will not talk to him... We can't even take a vacation without worrying about him- he has no respect for anyone including himself and definitely not our home.... I am at my wits end and I really hate how I am beginning to feel about my ss who is nearing 21 years old. But he has got to go.... I love my husband with all my heart but my ss has to go is destroying our relationship. Every time I mention that he needs to find somewhere else to live my husband says than all the kids have to go- meaning my handicap son. :jawdrop: