I am new here, but I come to you needing advice. I'm totally thrown for a loop on this one. Here's a brief overview of our family situation. DH has one teenage son from his first marriage. SS lives 50/50 with us and his BM/Stepdad. SS is a fantastic kid and has been for as long as I've known him. He gets good grades, stays out of trouble, is generally responsible and respectful, with only the typical minor teenager issues like sleeping til noon and not bathing enough (seriously, what is up with that??) He and I have a really good relationship.

Anyway, so SS is not the issue here. Basically, our life with SS would be almost nauseatingly perfect if not for his mother. BM is a master manipulator and is still pretty bitter that DH was able to get 50/50 custody (and she gets very little child $upport now...) Since DH took her to court 5 years ago, she has changed her techniques from being outwardly hateful to mostly passive-aggressive.

So when DH took SS to get his learner's permit, BM shows up unannounced with a truck that she said was her gift to SS. Surprise! DH had tried to talk to BM about how they would buy a car for SS, who would insure it, that kind of thing, but she kept putting him off, so obviously that was why. My DH texted BM later and said he would pay for half of the truck, just let him know how much and he'd write a check. She refused, saying she didn't want his money. I knew immediately she was up to something. This woman has never done anything but complain that we don't give her enough money and she's now refusing thousands of dollars?? Something had to be up.

It's been six months and BM has never taken SS driving ONCE. His stepdad has taken him out a few times in "his truck", and DH and I take him a lot in our cars. BM makes him wash "his truck" every weekend, and he's changed the oil in it twice (since stepdad apparently hauls stuff in it when he's not there so he doesn't get his own truck dirty...) They put a bunch of decals on it, spent a lot of time "personalizing" it for him, etc...

So BM decides to drop the bomb that when SS gets his license, he won't be allowed to take "her truck" to our house during the time he is with us because "she doesn't trust that he is a good driver." DH asked her for her reasoning. She said that "if he has my truck at your house, I won't know where he is going or what he's doing with it, and I'm not ready to give him that trust." Uh, what do you think he's going to do with it?? Sell crack out of the tailgate?? He's going to drive it to school and to work! DH said, "well, if I give him a vehicle to drive, you still aren't going to know what he's doing or where he's going, so basically this isn't about him, it's about the truck." She didn't have anything to say about that, except to say that she couldn't trust SS with her vehicle yet when he was out of her household. How can she know if he's a good driver if she won't take him out??

So now we're stumped. DH and I do not currently have an extra car. SS will need something to drive this summer if he is to work (and he really wants a job), and since BM expects him to pay for his car insurance, he's going to have to make some money. No one is going to hire him if he can only work every other week! We can buy him a vehicle, but then what happens when he switches houses? BM told DH they didn't have room in their driveway for another car so if we get him something, "he can't park it here." So he would have to take the school bus, but what if he has to work after school? He'll drive the car from school to work, then back home and wait around for someone to come pick him up and take him to his other house?? No, that's insane.

DH is afraid we will go drop several thousand on a car and then BM will all the sudden decide SS is a great driver and give him full access to the truck and, knowing SS, he will feel like he has to accept the truck because she gave it to him first and has made such a big deal out of it. I'm more afraid if we buy something, he will drive it for two years and then, when he goes to college, his mom will convince him to take the truck instead of whatever we get him, because it was "her gift to him." Either way, DH and I could be stuck with a spare vehicle we don't want or need.

SS is really upset. He doesn't want two cars, he said "that would be embarrassing to explain to my friends" and he can't have two parking decals for school anyway. He's mad that he has to pay insurance for something he's barely allowed to drive. I also know he is pretty disappointed because his mom has spent the last 6 months telling him it was his truck and is now basically taking it away half the time, and he did really like it. I truly believe BM is doing this to try to manipulate SS into staying at her house full-time, since that's where "his truck" will be. If that doesn't work, she knows she can stick us with a huge expense of an unwanted vehicle. I feel like we're screwed either way.

I told DH I think we should tell SS that if we buy him a vehicle, that he needs to accept it as his only vehicle and that the truck is his mom's, meaning he will drive the car we get him to school and take it with him to college. DH says he thinks we should expect SS to pay us back for the vehicle if he chooses not to drive it or keep it. What would you do?? BM won't listen to reason and I'm afraid no matter what we do, SS is going to be the one who feels the brunt of this ridiculousness, which is exactly what we DON'T want.

Sorry this is so long, thank you for any advice you have.