Need to accept, no other choice
So, ss #1 and phony wife,(peacemaker my ass), exclude me from first born sons christening. DH didn't go, but apologized and asked for brats forgiveness while on 3 week hunting trip. I told him he should have gone. This 32 year old spoiled ahole is enjoying the power he wields over daddys life. DH told me I need to text/call his son and try to make amends. I can't, I did nothing to deserve this. DH says no one noticed that I wasn't at baby shower or christening. Foolish man, of course they did! Makes me sick, phony wife acts like a martyr, she's tried everything to make peace. She enjoys this. Now DH wants me to go to his Thanksgiving dinner at his mother's house. I will never, ever be in the same room with them again. I am so consumed with anger. I can't live this way. Psoriasis and Sjogrens flare ups constantly, I'm making myself sick with this! I can't stop, I know it's ridiculous to allow anyone to control my emotions so negatively. ss isn't thinking about the grief he has caused me. Why can't I stop? Seriously, I feel like I'm losing it sometimes. #2 ss, 31 years old, on 3rd job in 6 months. It will be a year in Jan. he moved in with us, " just for a couple months". His girlfriend of 3 months lives here too. I was never asked how I felt about that. Her thong underwear, bras, clothes in my dryer, ss throws laundry in the washer and leaves. Should I have dumped their clothes in their bedroom? DH would have been very angry. I have to face the fact that I come last. I am getting the feeling DH is tired of me and my anger.He doesn't care how I feel. I put all my money, over $100,000 into this house. DH pays the bills, I got sick 3 years ago, can't support this house. So, choices are limited. I have my 17 year old son who gives no one any problems to think of. He has another year before he graduates. I can't turn his life upside down again. I have to find some kind of peace and just deal with it.
Find a shelter before your
Find a shelter before your before your son turns 18. As a single mother with minor child, they will give you tons of help. Once your son turns 18, the amount of help your get will decrease.
Us the help that you are currently eligible for, to get you to a place of independence. You are not stuck. You do not have to put up with any of this.
Thank you all, especially
Thank you all, especially skeeter.I never thought of my situation in terms of not loving myself. I don't hate myself, and my close friends and family have made it clear that they would NEVER put up with this. But, they all dislike my DH, and felt it was a rebound relationship for me. After 29 years working as a nurse,(I was fortunate enough to stay home with my 2 kids or work part time until school started) I'm very comfortable taking care of people. I enjoy doing little and big things for them. I paid for a lot of the furnishings in #1ss's first apartment. I welcomed his friends and the woman he eventually married into my home. That's why I'm bewildered. An evil twin? No, sadly I've come to the conclusion that he is so narcissistic, he simply can not the fact that I know he is or was bulimic. I never would have told anyone. I remember 9 years ago, DH and I were dating, and he was very concerened about it, he caught his son in the act. I had a female patient who was anorexic while in nursing school in 1983. She died. Anorexia & purging are 2 different illnesses, but both are caused by low self esteem, a need to have control, and there is often shame and self loathing, particularly with male bulimics. It's a secret,I work out 7 days a week so I have this awesome body. Whatever. I think if ss#2 was gone with his girlfriend, I could deal with it better. No reminder every time I see their vehicles in my driveway. I can not believe this 31 year old "kid" as my h calls him, isn't horribly embarrassed that he doesn't have his own apartment, at least. I know he lies like a rug, tells people he lives in "one of his dads apartments,lol. I hate them both, and I have never felt hatred before. Thanks, and i'll keep you posted.
What everyone else said.
What everyone else said. With, I know you think leaving would be turning your DS's life upside down BUT think about what kind of man you hope him to be. It's up to you to show him how a man treats a lady.
What everyone said above is
What everyone said above is spot on! Love yourself first - no one else will. Your DH wants you to remain the family doormat - do not allow this.
Absolutely do NOT go to the thanksgiving dinner. If you go, this will send the message that you are OK with how they treat you.
Do not discuss or engage with your DH your feelings about the steps. He will not hear you.
Ignore them all and tell yourself - they do not matter anymore - they are dead to me. Say it as many times in your head as you need to until it is real.
I have had to do this too for my situation is similar and my DH always expects me to take the crap the steps dish out. I stopped a few years ago and feel so much healthier and happier than I have in a long time.
Good luck. Keep us posted.
You sound like a very kind,
You sound like a very kind, caring compassionate person who feels that others will see and appreciate your efforts, that all you need to do is be patient and eventually this will all come together. Let me tell you, maybe that is ow it should be but that is not how it works, I know, I have been there. I thought the more I tried that truth would prevail, that lives were hurt and with love and protection all would be okay. Sadly, it does not work that way. You have to take care of you, you have to stand for what you believe in, you have to place boundaries on certain behavior that you find unacceptable, you have to place limits on yourself as to what you will be involved with and you cannot let others push you around. We SMs have to be very strong people.
I agree! It took me over 20
I agree! It took me over 20 years to learn this. It was NOT a 'truth would prevail' situation for me either. I look back at the time I wasted trying to please SD, and the fact that I gained absolutely nothing of constructive value out of it. I am SOOO glad I finally came to my senses. Once I started taking care of myself, things changed drastically - and for the better. I placed boundaries not only with SD, but also on DH. They had the choice of joining me in a relationship of mutual respect - or not. SD has not been in my life for almost 5 (glorious) years but DH is happier and has learned that life is easier for him if I am happy.
Recently, some friends and I discussed the fact that it is not always the AMOUNT of time you spend with your spouse, that doing what makes you happy actually helps the marriage. I can almost guarantee you that if you start taking care of yourself, your DH will follow.
Is your dh on the title of
Is your dh on the title of the house? If not sell the house, take your kid and get out......THEN file for divorce.
Stop allowing others to make you so unhappy and unhealthy.
^^^This. You need good legal
^^^This.
You need good legal advice. Schedule a consultation with an attorney and learn what your options are. You might also stop by your local police department and ask for solutions for evicting rabble from your home.
Knowledge is power, and you won't feel so stuck once you have a clear understanding of your rights.