I dont know what to say other than it sounds like his priorities are with everyone but you. Is it possible to get your car and a uhaul at the same time to haul everything back with you?

Newwife - your marriage isn't over because of your SD. Your marriage is over because your DH is being a dink. His priorities are out of whack. He is the one that believes his ex's new bf instead of you. He is the one who is betraying you and who is not living up to his marriage vows.

Please place the blame squarely where it belongs... on your husband.

I'm really sorry you are going through this.. but by blaming your issues on your SD, you are giving your husband a "pass" and he will continue to treat you badly.

Just FYI... First of all, I'm sorry newwife2010 that this has happened to you. I too got married in March of this year to a man with a daughter... Grant it, she is 5 and not 22, but they cause problems at any age.

Now, I have read a few posts in this blog and others on this site that talk about not blaming the SD... Clearly, those of you writing that have never dealt with an overly jealous SD. Yes, the husband is to blame also and nobody is refuting that... BUT! These SD's that see that they can cause problems will do just that. They know at 5 or 22 that they can get in the middle and make daddy choose... they also know that they will win. My SD5 is very difficult to deal with sometimes because of her unhealthy attachment to her dad. He can't even go pee without her standing next to him and she cries when someone else sits next to him on the couch!

Things have gotten so bad in my house that my DH yelled at me and her brothers about how we don't like her... then he picked up a knife and handed it to us and told us if we didn't like her, then we should just go and kill her. Oh my the drama! Never dreamed it was gonna be like this!

Reading all the posts, the thing that stuck out to me the most was New Wife saying that she told him she wanted a divorce and SD has something to say about that?? :jawdrop:

WTF, you are better off without both of them. Let them marry each other!!

Your "ongoing drama" is because you know you are not #1 in his life. It creates A LOT of anxiety in our lives to be placed last. I've been there, and done it. Now that my SD are out of the house and refuse contact, WHOOPPEE, we are having a good time. Our marriage would have failed soon too, and we just got married this year also. It's the daddy-princess syndrome that's making us want to puke.

Start over, and find the right man that will treat you like a queen. We all deserve it!! I was completely ready to be done if things didn't change in our relationship. None of us needs to go through crap like this for the rest of our lives. These SD bitches can have daddy-door-mat for the rest of their lives!

I was threaten at 3 mos. too. Either shut up or move out. For some reason, I got medication & shut-up. Married now 3 years, and the swins are wild, disrespectful to everyone - esp. DH! I disengaged but have no family life (the reason I remarried). I should have packed it up at 3 months. I feel unwelcomed there.

I am sorry you are in this pickle with your DH. I remember back when I was married just a few months and Step parenting was kicking my butt. I too, had a SD to deal with.... she made my life a living hell. But, I chose to love my DH, so much, that he would NEVER let me go easily. I worked very hard to balance my anger / love in the situation. I bit my tongue and played it out in the best possible way. I chose my battles. I didn't try to fight every single one. Believe me, there were times my DH thought he wanted a divorce. There were times, I wanted one. There were times I cried in the shower.... There were times I drove off in my car for some peace and cry time and privacy so I could vent to my friends.... But now... almost 5 years later, we are still together, we love each other very much and SD17 is living with her mom, and coming EOW. We still have issues with her from time to time, but I am so glad we made it and are still together.

If you love your man, try to talk to him.... carefully, and peacefully...and see if you can possibly make amends.

If you think it is over... and just want it to be.... no one will fault you. Step parenting is very very difficult, and most times, it can ruin marriages. Especially if you are living away from family and friends to be with him.... you feel so alone.

You would not be the first to throw in the towel. I almost did.

Take care, and God Bless your decision either way.

Be Safe.

He's spending that type of loot to appease his daughter. It's one thing when you can afford it. And to get a payday loan to pay for it is not only reckless, but ridiculous. He's going to end up in the poor house trying to take care of HER family.

I'm sorry to hear that he believed someone else over you . .his wife. If he wants you to go, leave and don't give him a second chance to break your heart. You say you love him? Well he's not showing you that he feels the same way. You deserve better and I wish you the very best.

I think that SDs usually get most of the blame because they also play an active role at being manipulative and obnoxious so we tend to lean toward placing the blame on them as opposed to our DHs. But DHs should carry much of the blame as well. Everytime I complain about my SD (26) my mom reminds me that my DH is the reason she is who she is.

History has a way of repeating itself.

I am sorry that you are having to go through this awful situation with DH and SD. The story is a familiar one and I have only been a member of this site for just over a week and already the same scenarios keep playing out. Paradoxically, we all on this site seem to have 'endured' the tactics of the SD, but I agree with the other posts that the DH shares blame also. I dont have any answers but I just take some comfort from the evidence from this site that others have suffered similar situations.
Take heart from people who want to help in their small way - but it does not take from the fact that you are dealing with low IQs and sad manipulators. It takes strength to rise above it and not be sucked in by it.

I wish you the very best - today is the next best day for the rest of your life!!

NW2010,

Sadly, or maybe happily, move on. IMHO.

He has made his choice and has chosen to be "married" to his daughter rather than making a life with you.

His financial judgement would likely have dragged you down eventually so I would take this as an opportunity to go before you are saddled with any more of his consequences for his continued poor decision.

I am truly sorry that you are going through this and that your DH is found to be a man of so little character.

Good luck and best regards,

I can only imagine how you feel I would try not talk to him and if that don't work write him a letter a heart felt letter and leave it with him. I would leave for maybe a weekend only and try again. And see what happens if he wants to end it. Sweetie it is nothing you can do about that. But just try see if you can go to counseling or a pastor and talk to someone together. It is so sad at how conniving these ex's and kids can be. It is a same. Good luck.

I'm not remotely close enough for coffee. In Alaska, but I sure wish you the best!

Good for you... It takes guts to just leave. In my case, my DH wanted to move out, which is better. I felt quite sad and depressed, but life has to move on. Like your DH, my DH blames me for calling him out on his irresponsible financial decisions. I lost money in our marriage, so his daughter can live in a luxurious apartment without a job. I think my DH feels so guilty, he does not care about himself and his marriage at all. Well, we both can move on and get our real lives together. They (DH) wanted to live in the poor house and end up in nursing homes. That's their choice, not yours or mine. We can chose to live there with them or get out and find someone else. I chose to live a life with peace and no drama from a no good product of guilt-driven parenting. Personally, I believe that my DH and yours need to get a grip. They are the ones wanted to get marry. They should honor their vows, let go of their grown children, and establish healthy boundaries. They can't do that. Well, that's too bad. It's their problem. He married a good woman.
Your DH probably knows that he is making a mistake. Probably, just like my DH, tend to make threats when they are angry and then regret ever suggesting the threat. When he makes threats, he is disrespecting our vows. Maybe, he should marry his daughter, since the only contract he seemed to be able to honor is the birth certificate. I know it sucks for the both of us to realize this is. Well, good luck and my prayers be with you. Stay strong! I keep on telling myself these feelings of sadness and depression will pass. I am going to grief for my marriage. If we end up together, it's going to be a new marriage. We have to start the whole process all over again. This time he has to prove to me that he really want to be to me not the birth certificate. If we don't, my next man won't have any children and respects me as #1 in his life. No worries, either way, we find out what we wanted in a marriage. In my case, I will never ever be a stepparent again. I am not that strong to battle someone else's problems and live with it day in and day out.

New Wife - Congratulations on your new job, your newfound strength and sense of self, and your new future!

I'm not making light of your struggle though. I think Iwantmylifeback wrote a really good post just last night about how hard it can be, but how strong her resolve is.

I'm usually not the one to advocate the break-up of a marriage. But until your husband realizes what he has done / is doing, you are pretty much in a no-win situation. You can't be the only one that needs to change and adapt.

I hope your new job really makes you happy! Personally, I find that my career gives me great satisfaction, and that helps in other areas of my life as well.

Best of luck.. Please keep us updated on your progress. There are many women here that are no longer steps that still come and contribute to the board.