Well this is embarrassing, because you've totally described my situation. My partner he's so in love with his siblings, which I thought was really wonderful at first! I've also been love bombed by MIL and sent presents and gushing texts about how perfect I am for him. They are also close they even got the same tattoo together!

and you'll never guess but... i've also been accused of not liking his family. These people have never asked me a single question about myself! I just don't ooh and ahh over them and express adoration for how close they all are. 

it sounds like you had a really reasonable boundary around texting, but in families where you're not allowed to have boundaries, this is radical. Shocking even. How dare you express some thing that isn't part of the family mind meld! I know it's just one post, but even though I respect your willingness to take responsibility for your part in creating a dynamic, it also sounds like all you did was try and have a typical set of familial boundaries in a family that is enmeshed.

When there is a narcissist in control, it is all about appearances.  The truth drives them nuts.

My DH had a similar situation with his family however it was him that put up the boundary not me. I think he realized how unhealthy his family involvement was for his first marriage and he wanted to prevent that influence from happening again. His family was less emotionally demanding, but they acted entitled. Once he set that boundary they turned against both of us. They kept SD on their side. 

Likewise what head told me about BMs family, and he was just talking about this last night, they sounded a lot more like what you describe. Only in that case it was DH that wasn't abiding by the family norms. BM and the rest turned on him.  

Despise later!

I thought, "What a great man. Despite divorcing BM, he's still close with his kids." 

It wasn't until years later that I could see this was a co-dependent relationship. He would talk to ADULT SD EVERY MORNING ON HER WAY TO WORK, AND EVERY AFTERNOON ON THE WAY HOME.  That's usually how spouses treat each other, catching up before coming  home.

As time went on, I realized they were a classic case of Mini Wife/Disney Daddy. 

I hate it.

You're man is enmeshed heavily. I doubt it will change, and with you removing yourself from the VERY FREQUENT group texts, you will now be the scape goat, the problem, because it is NEVER THEM.

I wish you well!

My DH's family is a less intense version of what you describe.  We actually were estranged from MIL for several years due to her controlling nature, her desperation to portray herself as the matriarch of a "supportive family" when the truth was the opposite. She only ever phoned my DH when she wanted something - it was always all about her - she never ever asked me anything about myself and to this day (nearly 20 yrs on) knows nothing about me.   

Enmeshment to the degree you describe is extremely dysfuncional because it leaves very limited room for other interactions, friendships and development outside the small, narcissistic stranglehold of the family circle. 

Of course there is a link - we all choose what's familiar (same root word as "family") for the families we create. If you are enmeshed with your family of origin, unless you've done some work on it, you think that's normal. These issues are multigenerational, and in these families you are in or you are out if you don't go along. 

he had a really weird, over the top relationship with his sister and brother.  His sister was always on our dates.  IT was the three of us.  We were married and I lived in my own apartment and he and sister lived together.  I wouldn't live with them together.  She was a big, big pot smoker and would do whippets all the time and I worked at the police department and couldn't be around drugs.  My friends were the cops and they were always visiting me and hanging out with me and sister in law was  always on drugs and had paraphenila out.  My ex was always at his brothers every night.  And then when he started up his affair , I didn't blink an eye cause he said he was going over to his brother's house til 0100 am.  When I got pregnant, my now ex in laws had to move his sister into her own apartment cause I wouldn't move in with their son that I was married to and live with her and him and my baby.  Of course when I busted him for cheating he moved right back   in with her.

And today he and the brother don't speak.  The brother' got married and his new wife would have none of that enmeshment and put an end to it.  Funny my kids see their uncle through me and not their dad now.     

SO's family is pretty spread across the country.  I think if they were all lived closer together there would probably be some of these dynamics.  But the distance never let enmeshment flourish.  

I'm glad neither his nor my family live close to us actually.  Love them but they can create more drama than I care to have in my daily life.

OP - I would have lost my lid if someone included me on a group text and expected responses to every stupid thing.  I have a retired friend who started group texting about her daily hikes.  Good for you but I don't need that sh*t dinging all day during a meeting because you saw a butterfly.  Keep it to yourself or post it on facebook and I'll look when I have time.  She didn't mind though and took me off the group texts after I asked her to, with no hard feelings.

This is an interesting post.  In my situation, my DH was disowned by his parents for marrying his first wife.  It was a "shot gun" wedding and DH's parents didn't like her or her family, so they banished him for the entire duration of the marriage.  He knew that he had no business marrying her for three reasons.  He felt that it was entrapment, he was not in love with her, and was already dating someone else when she announced her pregnancy to him.  But being a bit of a rebel where his parents were concerned, and having received a black eye from his soon-to-be father-in-law when he stated that he wasn't going to marry his daughter, but also wanting to do the "right thing" for the unborn, DH did it, and married her anyway.

Fast forward 22 years and that marriage finally comes to an end (after several periods of trial separation).   It's the classic story:  they stayed together for the sake of the kids.  

DH is then re-united with his family once again and they pick up where they left off.  The collateral damage in this case is his DDs.  It's too late for DH's parents and for his DDs to want to establish a relationship with each other.  DH tries in vain to form a connection by bringing his DD's to visit with his parents one time, and he invites his parents to his oldest DD's wedding.  Then the connection just petered out.  The DD's most likely felt that their establishing a relationship with DH's parents was a betrayal to their mother.  His parents probably subconsciously saw a lot of their BM in these two grandkids, and that may have put them off.  We'll never know for sure, because no one ever talked about it again.  That relationship just ended and no attempts were made to revive it.  The DD's would now only see DH's parents other at funerals on DH's side of the family, and the DD's would only attend as guests.  My M-I-L died a couple of years ago.  OSD didn't show for any of it.  YSD did...but that's a story for another day!!!
 

Rewind back to a year after DH's divorce from unaccepted BM. 

DH meets Birchclimber.  His family isn't overly enthusiastic about me...at first!  There was an age difference that seemed to concern them.  I don't know why.  I was a young divorced woman, living on my own, self supporting with a decent job!  But, I understand the skepticism to some degree.  Every one is skeptical when they see couples with an age difference.  It's that old cliche that she must be a Gold Digger.  However, this was not the case.  I had good reason to believe that he was going through some financial hardship having had to give his ex a settlement check and now mortgage a condo while starting a new job, but I fell in love with him anyway.

This time however,  they did not disown him because they didn't approve of me.  They welcomed me into their home and before you know it, they came to love me like I was one of their own.  They gave me credit for the success of the business that we opened and ran together a year into our marriage.  I became part of the "pride and joy" of their family.   This no doubt bothered my now SD's, a lot.  It most likely served as a reminder to them that their mother (and now them) was rejected by the same family that has accepted me.  This in turn, gives the SD's another reason to NOT like me.

I often wonder if I hadn't been accepted into his family, would history have repeated itself and would DH have been banished again, or would he have made a choice;  me or his family?  Also, if my in-laws had rejected me, would my SD's have been less hostile towards me, as that would have leveled the playing field.  In other words, then they could say that my in-laws disliking their mother was not personal because they don't accept Birchclimber either.  But because my in-laws DID accept me, their rejection of BM was clearly personal. 

What I do know is that, although DH was no contact with his family for 20 years, and now has been full contact for 33 years, the way in which a partner/spouse is accepted into a family, or rejected by a family, plays a significant role in the success or demise of a marriage. Throw stepdaughter's into the mix who are still hurting over the demise of the bio-family, and have loyalty issues when their dear dad brings what they perceive to be an "interloper" into the family, and you can't help but know that you're in for a bumpy ride.   IMHO.
 

I prefer to refer to the FOO as the failed former family.  Which so many of them should be considered based on their toxic behavior and manipulative bullshit.  The X is the X for a reason and is no longer family whether spawn  were created ir not.

Wow, there are so many parallels between the stories here and my own story. Yes, I'd deifnitely say that a history of close "enmeshment" with the old family gives rise to complications for a new spouse walking into the situation when there are stepchildren involved. In the case of my husband, who sees his parents as the most perfect beings that ever lived, there has always been very clear manipulation by his parents/sisters to ensure he put his kids first, always as though this had to be done in contradistinction to my value in the family. I don't know if his parents meant for it in a malicious way (in fact I doubt the father had any conscious thoughts on the matter), but they faciitated total centering of his sons while ousting me to the periphery, as though this were a necessary factor for ensuring the kids' well-being. This was a poorly thought out strategy -- I think it made everyone miserable in the grand sum.