Do not listen to your DH he is making excuses for his daughter. His daughter is behaving rude, which is normal of Skids. What is worst your DH is allowing it. I personally would not worry about it, I would prefer if my skids did not give me gifts, that way I would not have to spend my time trying to find them gifts in return. Sometimes, when it comes to skids, their rudeness pays off.

Every year DH receives a christmas card from his ex wife, stating from 'to you, from me'. I find this funny, poor woman has not completely let go. My attitude to these things, let them go, let them just float away. Save your energy for bigger fights that will certainly come your way. Tell DH you think it is rude, but do not make a big deal out of it. After all, she has the right to buy a present for who she wants. At least you do not have to waste your time, buying presents for people who do not appreciate it.

You are reading the message correctly and it's very rude. And your DH should see how rude it is, not just to you but to him, as well.

I am not the biggest fan of my dad's wife but I get along with her and I include her in my gift giving out of respect for my dad. And because I am not a big asshole, my dad raised me better than that.

Yes, it's rude. However, since you were not at the gathering expected. It's much easier to be rude if you are not there.

The skids don't get me anything. I'm ok with that, but then they are young. Honestly, I don't know that I will ever expect anything from them. I wouldn't be offended though, I'm just a step-parent. I'd rather them get their dad something than me. I'll settle for respect.

You honestly expect the charade of social manners and happy family after the showdown you and SD had last Christmas season? Seriously?

No. Your SD was not rude to you this year. She chose to disengage and ignore you. Why you thought your SD should purchase a gift for you or especially a joint gift for DH and you together to share is beyond me. If you're still running around buying cards (perhaps even contributing cash to a gift to her) and/or allowing DH to sign the card with both your names is not SD's fault. SD did not ask anything of you. If you were asked by DH to participate in SD's gift, or selecting/purchasing cards that's on your husband.

Enjoy today with your husband and don't fight with him over his daughter. You announced here last year that husband would be on his own about birthdays, anniversaries, and Christmas from then on. If you didn't stick to that and sent gifts with part of your personal finances or even just your name on the card having expectations of return fake gestures, that's on you.

I'm sorry you're emotionally having a rough go of the holiday season, but don't make it worse than past circumstances has brought it to the point it already has. Let SD go. Neither one of you like each nor want anything to do with each other. Leave it at that. The true accomplishment of disengaging is completely detaching, not just physically but emotionally... you're not there yet. Don't let spoil Christmas Day with your husband. Kick her out of your head. To allow her to stay up there gives her a 'win'. Let her go. Set yourself free. SD ? SD who?

Merry Christmas to you and your husband. That's what matters and your life, relationship and home together. SD who?

^^^This. If the two of you actively dislike each other and know it (and apparently have some bad blood between you), I wouldn't give it another thought.

You didn't say but I am assuming the gifts DH gave her had your name on them not just his. In that case, yes it is very rude. She could have gotten a food basket or something that you can both enjoy and put your name on it also for at least one of the gifts.

I used to go all out for all the SS's at Christmas. I have no bios. After not getting a thank you and sometimes not even a card or gift even to DH, I stepped back. When DH was a little put off, I told him he could do whatever he wished for them but do not include me. He didn't continue the gift giving so they get nothing. He get's texts and a phone call from the oldest on holidays and his birthday and he does the same for them and that's it. Works for me.

All things considered, why did you expect anything from her?

I'm really curious Marigold.. What happened between you and SD last year that created such bad blood between you two and what did DH do ( or not do) about it?

My DH is at SS30's home right now with the GF and the new baby. But I'll give DH credit - he did not even think about leaving until my last guest for Christmas dinner was gone.

I was not invited. But so what - I did not invite SS or GF to my home either. I sent DH with gifts that I bought with MY money (I spent about $25 so no big deal).

I have not said ONE WORD to my DH about SS or GF - but my poor DH has felt the need to make excuses for them. When I saw a present they'd gotten him he started making excuses for them. He said they decided to cancel Christmas after the baby was born and took back all the presents they'd bought for others.

When I mentioned something about her baby showers (multiple) fortunately taking place before she had the baby early DH just volunteered that she had wanted to invite me but I was not in town. Believe me I did not say one word about why was I not invited. I truly do not care and would not have gone - but I would have sent a present.

On some level I'm actually happy that they are excluding me. Makes it SO easy for me to not participate in their life.

The only thing I ever did to SS was to stop funding vacation trips and date nights for him. No telling what SS has said about me to his GF - but I so do not care.

I spent today surrounded by many friends and relatives that really like me. Who cares what some drunk and his baby momma think of me?

Yes, I also agree it is rude and that your dh is making excuses for her behaviour which is also very rude as he is justifying her behavior. I like stirring the pot once in a while and what would be fun would be to send her a quick text or email thanking her for the beautiful 14k necklace or some type of expensive perfume she sent you. Then see what happens. Be sure that you have one in case dh wonders what his dd is talking about when she questions him.

She was rude. Bloody rude. My MIL did the same thing when her and FIL returned from a cruise earlier this year - sent DH home with presents for him and SD but nothing for me.

I told DH that he should not have accepted his gift, and your DH shouldn't have accepted his either. The inlaws were sending me a big FU through DH, and he allowed it by accepting the gift. Just as your husband has allowed the FU from your SD.

Passive agressive crap and yes... rude.

It is more blessed to give than to receive.

It is so sad that our dh's find it necessary to continue to promote the image that their ds or dd are nothing but princes and princesses since they came from his seed. To do otherwise is to diminish our dh own self image of King. My dh's ds is an uneducated, 10th grade, obese, unemployed, acne infused, open sores all over his body, male that has anger management issues. However, to my dh, his is a muscled male that has "low emotional reserves, that is a good catch for any female" and that I should take his ds's rejection and shunning as something that is wrong with me and not with his ds. Moreover, I should treat his ds like he is a prince to hold in high esteem since ss is the golden seed that dh help to create.

Unfortunately, I, being the good wife, have promoted my dh's image of the alpha male and of course he believes that since he is an alpha male, his own child could not be anything else but an alpha male.

Sadly, now that I have detached completely from dh, as I will be leaving on Jan. 6th, he finally gets it, and now he looks like a shell of a man, who has shriveled into himself and as a result is finally putting boundaries on his ds who is 47 years old and is not used to boundaries. It was sad to hear dh tell his ds that it is not necessary for him to check in every morning while dh was on vacation. That dh wanted a vacation from everything back home. Who has to say that to a 47 year old child at 70 years old?

I am surprised that your dh even told you about the gifts. Was he boasting? If he did not want to hurt his daughter's feeling he could have accepted them and then disposed of them on the way home. How could he not know that his daughter gift was being rude to you? Since you have a daughter, have her give you a special gift of a trip for one person to lets say Vegas or NYC, even unbeknownst to your dh that you paid for the gift, to see how he reacts. You can then remind him that his dd did the same thing and that he did not see anything wrong with it. What is good for the goose, is good for the gander. Shame on him!!

You should hand him his favorite pillow on the way out. I do like to stir the pot once in a while. My dh has pulled the same stunt with me, blaming me for his ds rude behavior. The only difference is that my husband sleeps downstairs on the couch. Once in a while when he is giving me the cold shoulder in order to teach me a lesson, I have the biggest and loudest orgasms that you cannot help but to hear downstairs.

If he is outside during the day giving me the cold shoulder because in his words "he is protecting his ds against me". I play the music as loud as I can inside and when comes in, I am cooking the best and thickest steak just for me, dancing while cooking, with a glass of wine in hand. He then realizes that his cold shoulder tactic only gives me more freedom to live my life without his ridiculous boundaries regarding his ds.

He then looks at me and rushes into his office and closes the door. Our tv room is right outside his office, I eat my steak in front of the tv while watching several episodes ahead of a series we had been watching together.

He is such an idiot, what does he think he is accomplishing by giving me the cold shoulder, it is nothing a margarita or two will not fix. Your dh is also an idiot, so he is teaching you a lesson while you sleep in a comfortable bed. While you are in there, put a lock on the door and keep the key, so that you can decide when he will grace you with his presence. I have two locks, a key lock and a hook lock, on what my dh has now learned to call my bedroom.

You are almost to the finish line of disengaging! Your last hurdle will be not caring either way what your DH's daughter does or does not do. When you are fully disengaged, you won't feel the need to post here about whether or not your DH's daughter is being rude. Make sense???

Yay for you!! You are almost there and keep up the good work of disengaging:-)

I haven't received gift from ss40 and his wife in 2 yrs. They always give DH and include me in it. Never wrap or put name on it. Last year rec'd a tall heater for screen porch but ceiling is vinyl and DH cut it down and it still gets to hot so its never been used. This year electric turkey fryer and we have a new roaster that we love already. Very inconsiderate gifts but I'm just glad we are through it. They never acknowledge me on mothers day or bday so I do them the same way now. For those of you that think step children are bad as kids....just wait until they move out and marry a narcissistic woman who thinks she is so above you, hates your children and never likes anything anybody does but thinks she is miss perfect. Lots of fun in the future. I just wish she would stay away from us. I can't believe SS is happy because she controls his every move. Sad, can't believe marriage will last but the children are the ones that will get hurt

fun idea - why dont you still get them gifts every year, but make it something off the wall... like the squat-stool or onesie PJ's? }:) }:) }:) "why, sd, i dont know what ever you are talking about! i've always gifted you, even when u have excluded me, just cuz it's the right and moral thing to do!"

The skids don't get me anything. THANK GOD! On the other hand, they don't even have to decency to give my DH a damn card.

Isn't so sad when they expect to be given so much and they cannot even give a $3.00 card or even yet a $1.00 card from the Dollar Store.

Last Father's day we were trying to think of where to go for lunch to celebrate. SS47 mentioned Hooter's as he said they have great wings. So we all agreed to meet there and share platters of wings. No big deal. Until we got there, there were a total of 8 of us so we required a long table. SS immediately started to sit next to df, and quickly my dh said 'no' that he wanted me to sit next to him, so my ss was still intent on sitting next to his df, had is hand on the chair and did not want to remove it so I could sit down. A few minutes later, he finally relinquished the chair and he sat to the right of me. SS turns his chair completely side ways to talk only to his df and he was talking right into my ear the entire time. I had such a headache.

It came time to order the wings, as I remember the large order cost something approximate to $39 or $49 dollars. This was something we had all agreed on prior to meeting at the restaurant. When it came time to order ss states that if we were going to share wings he was going to also order a meal. Mind you he still wanted the wings but now he wanted his own meal. All of sudden, I decided that if he was have his own meal than it would only be fair that we all got our own meal. Our meals came, my came with onion rings and he looked at me and said "I wish I had also ordered onion rings" expecting me to share mine with him. Normally I would have offered my rings for others to taste, but after he gave me that big hint, no way was I going to give him even a half of a ring. It felt so petty of me to resort to that level, as my nature is not to be that way.

When it came time to giving gifts, my ds had gotten my dh about 8 gifts from him and gkids. I gave my ds a samsung smart watch and as he was opening it, my ss asks me out loud how much did it cost because he wanted one. My dh opened the gifts and the beautiful sentimental card my ds and gkids had given him. It came for ss turn and he had absolutely nothing, nada, to give to his df. Needless to say, the meal was on us.