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I need to Vent Bad!

Holly008's picture

I just don't get an adult child Bio or step who is going on with their own life want to have the braindead idea that they can just dictate and stir up sh%$ in their parents lives
I was a single parent for 16 years after my first marriage. I knew I needed to make my son's life stable. He suffered a severe injury to his eye and had 11 surgeries and a 12th that finally took his eye in 2006.It would have been unfair to bring a man into this
I married my current DH in 2003, my son was a Senior in HS and his daughter lived with her father. She was 20 and had a long term BF and they were building a brand new Condo that we donated money for part of their downpayment. My husband was a good friend in HS and we hae known each other for 30 years.
SD only calls her father when she needs help with car or wanted us to meet latest BF which was often. She always called, said she was on her way an bringing her friend, did EVER ask if it was a good time. Once I remember the house was destroyed as we were having hardwood floors refinished so furniture and crap was everywhere. DH always acted as if it was no big deal!. Now she has met this guy in July and already getting married in October! 3 years ago, she met some guy online in NC, went up there, married him and then came back, stopped by, told her Dad and then took off back to NC. That lasted less than 2 months. She came back in the middle of the night because that stranger she married woke he in the middle of the night trying to choke her!. We paid for her divorce from that one.
If you read my Bridzilla post, you will know whats happened in the last week. She at first said she wanted her SD to give her away, then she said that both DH and stepfather. BM called us 2 weeks ago upset because SD wanted to take a car away from her MOM that SD had already given to her Mom to drive and give it to this latest F to drive. I never said anything but her father sided with BM and I agreed that it was wrong. The problem is he will take a United front with BM but I am now the cause of him "losing his daughter"
He said he is not going to the wedding and I know I will get the blame for this NO matter what
This whole situation is a lose-lose for me no matter what. BM has always been great to me. The first thing DH did was stated he smelled a Rat and that this was BM's doing but I dont feel that way at all.

SammyJo58's picture

Holly, you said in your earlier post that your DH is an alcoholic. I was married briefly to one, and I know from bitter experience that they will blame anyone but themselves for what goes wrong in their life. And that includes your latest drama with the SD. You are NOT the cause of him losing his daughter. Have you any experience with Al-Anon?

Disengage honey. Tell him he is free to go to the wedding himself. Tell him you will stay away to lessen the stress on everyone. And get out and make a life for yourself. And enjoy YOUR children. God, life is NOT a dress rehearsal - we only get one go around on this earth and tomorrow is promised to no one.

Are you still planning on getting your own place?

I feel for you, believe me. I've been there........in the end, I simply had too much self-respect to keep beating my head up against a brick wall while he denied he had a problem.

Holly008's picture

Yes, I am still keeping plans. I started packing yesterday. Told him I was decluttering to put the house of for sale. He wanted to sell it before this blowup happened so I am using that for my actions
My son and daughterlaw came over Friday night for dinner and stayed and watched a movie with me. Dh went to bed. He had came in that night with a 12 pack and said he was going to make it last the weekend. I know that they can not JUST slow down

Holly008's picture

Ok so update
Yesterday, I called BM and she informed me that my MIL had called SD and told her that "she was her Granddaughter but that she and GrandDad were siding with SM"! OMG! I am so pissed!
I sat my DH down and told him, that I did not care whet it took but that both he and his parents were going to that wedding. I dont care if he told her straight to her face that he did not want to go because she was making him share walking down with her SF, she would still blame me! My MIL PUT ME IN IT! I sent SD a text and told her that they all where coming to the wedding, that family always come first and do not worry. She sends me one back saying, Okay but you are not welcomed! OK than give me my FNING money back I spent!
OMG I am so done!!!!!!!!!