I know my DH is going to try to move his 45 year old drug addict, triple amputee into our house!

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My SD has done the drug circuit for 24-25 years. In and out, jail and treatment. It kills my husband, every time. It destroys his joy in life. About 4 years ago he had finally completely cut her off, she refused to live in sober living and was living in a tent by the railroad tracks. Then 2 years later we get a call in the middle of the night, she was hit by a train. Lost an arm, a hand and a leg. So for the last 2 years he has been driving 300 miles every couple of weeks, trying to help her set up a situation where she could get out of the hospital. They needed to find a 2 bedroom apt under HUD so someone could live with her and then have daily people come to help. It took two years, she moved into a place with an older woman, lasted about 3 months, now her 'friends" from the homeless camp are there all the time and they are giving her drugs. She can't do it herself, she has no arms. So the whole situation is going to shit. The lady who lives there is threatening to quit, all these assholes who stay there are going to make social services kick her out. I know my DHdoesnt want to live with her, but I think he is going to be out of options at some point and try to talk me into it. I am getting ready to retire in a year and I do not plan on spending it wiping this rotten, ungrateful little witches butt! My poor husband is having the life sucked out of him. He rarely sleeps thru the night, is short tempered and I can barely get him to smile with the grandkids. In addition he just had to move his 101 year old mother into assisted living, so he is really getting it from both sides. I have made myself clear from the first day that I would not be living with her, no matter what, but I feel so terrible for him. We have been married almost 44 years and I love him so much, but I just can't spend the end of my life like that. I just don't know what to do. By the way her mother hasn't seen her once since this happened even though she lives 10 minutes away. She is too busy searching for an alien "MED BED' which will regrow her daughters missing limbs, plus she can't be around anyone who is vaxxed because of the vaccine shedding. Lazy bitch.

You know ...

... don't you, that you're going to have to leave if he moves her in, right? Make this clear to your DH, and as painful as it would be, follow through. As bad as that would be, your life will be a worse hell if you're forced to live with her. I would fight like a she-wolf to keep her out.

So sorry you're going through this.

This is a hard NO and your DH needs to repeat it, often!

One of the things social services will typically do is try to "guilt" family into taking care of indigent relatives because it gets another case off their plate and puts financial and other burdens on the family. Don't fall for it.

Your husband needs to step away and let this ADULT 45 year old make decisions as to what will happen with the rest of her life. He needs to step away and make this clear to social services that moving her in with you is NOT the answer and he needs to make that clear to her, too.

You have to understand how vulnerable both of you will be if you allow this to happen. Not just because of the criminals she continues to associate with, but the additional mental and physical burdens she will create. This is not an option for older people and you need to point-blank refuse.

If your DH does not understand this and wants to take in his daughter, then you have no other choice but to let him know that you will file for divorce immediately and will move out immediately. You cannot have your older years (and finances) threatened by his daughter.

Nothing says you have to stop seeing your DH. You can meet him for dates/dinner and listen to his tales of woe. But you need to cut all financial and legal strings to him if he insists on supporting his daughter.

This, so much this!

OP, please also consider the legal ramifications when (not if) she dies of an overdose in your home. Given that she cannot take her dose by herself, someone else has to help - how do you claim your innocence? You (plural) could be suspected of overdosing her to get rid of her. And if your husband is stupid enough to think that he can stop her using when highly trained and experienced professionals failed ... does he imagine he can just force her to go cold turkey? Has he any idea what that looks like? Does he know that doing that can kill her too?

No, just no. Neither of you is equipped to deal with this kind of lunacy in your home and why the heck should you?

I know your husband's heart

I know your husband's heart is broken but your SD keeps making these choices. She didn't have to contact them to let them (the other addicts/homeless) know where she lives. She can't light that crack pipe herself-she is asking for it! She is making active destructive choices. Your husband HAS to let her go. She is going to kill herself. That is a fact. The question is- Does he want to go down with her?

This would be my hill to die on. If he wants to live with her- he can get an apartment with her- she will not move into your home. Period, plain and simple. He needs to block and delete her number and move on and mourn his child- because his child is gone.

One other thing

In another recent thread posted about a DUH who wanted to shelter his adult child, someone pointed out that DUH's agreement to do so was a maneuver to get the wife to say HELL NO so that he could look like the good guy while SM looked like a b!tch. I would consider this possiblity in your case as well, and take steps re your DUH accordingly.

I am 100% OK being the bad

I am 100% OK being the bad guy!

He could look like the Lord and Savior but mean old SM said no. I would be totally cool with that as long as he doesn't bring her to my house.

He has no business ...

... manipulating you into the bad guy role. Take that bit of bad behvior under advisement.

No no no no

Do not let him move her into your house. As everyone has said, make this crystal clear to your DH. If he can't accept this, you need to leave him.

Another Strong NO to SD Moving in

This situation is far too serious for adult SD to live with you and DH. Your lives would be over period. If your DH is planning on moving her in, please see a lawyer to separate your finances and housing. Seeing a physician to understand all the care you will have to provide and caregivers who will coming and going might help DH understand the impact and impossibility of doing this. Can DH commit her to rehab? That would be a start, but even if she gets clean, it is too much of a burden in your retirement years to take this on. It is just not possible. If DH chooses to sacrifice his life to an unpleasant, physically/mentally 24/7 life with his daughter, he needs to do it without you. In this case, SD's needs and care is just too much burden. She needs professional care in a medical facility--not a retired couple depleting all their resources and sacrificing their lives. I wish you strength and understanding. This is about the toughest situation I can imagine.

Absolutely NOT

This is the consequences of a 45 year old drug addict. If loosing limbs doesn't wake her up, nothing will and she will eventually overdose and die. Not sure how she hasn't yet. If you allow this woman to move into your home, the scene will look exactly as it looks now at her apartment. A den of drug addicts. As someone said, careful with the legal ramifications. People are getting charged daily with "causing the death of a drug addict." Since she can't do the drugs herself, she'll get someone to give them to her and you guys will be blamed if she ODs or dies. I'd be very clear....she is not moving in. If your DH is that concerned, let him move to the apartment with her.

Drug addiction impacted my family...all started at a doctor's office. Five family members dead, all within 4 year span. Tried everything I could with no positive outcome. In the end, I let the rope go. I am estranged from two siblings...one who sells and one who is a long term addict as your SD. I cannot take a chance they'd bring their criminal life to my home. That is another issue....drug addicts steal and share knowledge of places that have things to steal....quick drug money.

Hard NO. Let your 45 year old SD figure out her living arrangements.

This is one of the most

This is one of the most tragic stories I've ever read on here.

I understand why you don't want her to move in. She needs much more support and help than any of you can provide for her.It would be madness to have her live with you in her condition.

I'm kinda interested in the backstory here. How has this SD managed to mess up her life so badly?

The usual, started using out

The usual, started using out of high school, in and out of rehab. She did have a long stretch of being clean when she was on probation. But that ended. That was when he finally cut ties. He would talk to her on the phone, but wouldn't come see her if she was living in a tent. Then the train happened. I don't even think it was a suicide attempt. There is a video, she walks out of a tent and onto the track without looking. She was in a nursing home for about a year. Then she got this housing voucher and was able to move into a place. It is an awful situation. I have empathy, but I have to protect myself and my family first.

Nursing home?

To add, there are combo

To add, there are combo nursing/rehab facilities that could help her become more independent and they also could help restrict visitors.

And if she refuses to go- she

And if she refuses to go- she is once again being self-destructive and proving that she can't live with you and your husband either.

I Agree

She needs round the clock care; a nursing home/rehab center is the place for her to go. But will she? No drugs in those facilities except for what the doctor orders.

SD is an adult

You do not have to take care of her. If DH insists, Then he gets an appointment for both of them to live in. Do not waver from this. Or you will have a house filled with homeless.
She can go to a nursing, care type home. Depends on how much she can care for herself.

Oh boy this is one tragic

Oh boy this is one tragic decision after the other.

What makes your DH think that she won't do the same thing she did in HUD housing--invite her druggie friends over? Then your home becomes a shelter and drug den. Addicts will do anything to get their next fix, including stealing from their own families. Nothing you have will be safe.

I get that he's desperate for her. It would break my heart too. But truth is he is helpless and can't "fix" her. He needs to tell social services that he is not capable of caring for her, and have them determine the next option. If he won't do that, then he can start looking for a place for himself and SD so that YOU are not subjected to her addiction and all that brings with it. It's a dangerous game he's playing.