If you have no kids together, is there a reason to stay? I know it's hard, but nobody deserves a life so miserable. Believe me that I have a kiddo and wonder if I should stay or not. I stay not because if makes my kiddo happy at my expense, but because the thought of having to share custody with him makes me sick to my stomach. But if I did not have a kid, I would not be here. I was ready to leave when I found out I was pregnant.

I am really sorry you feel so sad. I know how it is. Right now I try as hard as I can, but somedays I just go to my room and read to disconnect and try to forget about my life.

{{{{HUGS}}}}}

Know how you feel QueenBee1. Our lives were great before SS and his GF moved in with us too. They have now gone but our relationship has changed forever because of their intrusion into our home and our lives. I have lost so much respect for DH because some of his behaviour (or lack of it) was totally disgusting. What the hell do we do to get that respect, and ultimately the love back, or is it gone forever????

Yes the loss of respect is the issue. I can so relate to that, that's exactly what happened in my marriage. But maybe this is always lost in any marriage? That's what I wonder when I weigh it up. Arrange for therapy once she has left? To see if he can regain your respect? (though obviously expressing it that way might be a bit of a killer)

So how do I express it then? I have already told him Ive lost respect for him, but he's one of these people who forgets whats been said 5 minutes after its said if the issue isnt important to him. He has NO idea how serious this is, I think he puts it down to me just being hormonal. The other day we had words about SS and he just slinks off to his office. So I left him a note that I was so angry that I had to get away from him for a while and took off. (first time Ive done that) When I got back he came out of his office, never said a word and acted like nothing had happened. I had filled myself up with valium so was feeling very apathetic by then so just let it go. But it boils away under the surface that he ignores this subject and refuses to resolve it. Hell he wont even accept that theres a problem, let alone want to resolve it. How do you deal with that?

That is so true Isolated. That acting like nothing has happened, I do not understand. My DH does it all the time and the only thing I can think is that he developed the habit in early childhood in order to fend off nagging parents. I have actually asked him whether this is the case but he is at a loss to explain. Thing is, it does seem to work too. Because somehow we keep getting over it, forgiving, or being too busy or as you say doped up, and so on. But it's perhaps part of the same syndrome, whereby the SKs and other in-laws can get at us under the radar -- fact is there just is no radar, it has no payoff for them to have one so they don't bother. It's all so horribly lackadaisical, that's what I hate.

Just to be clear its a step "son" Im talking about. His daughters wont have anything to do with him and they dont live anywhere near us. Thats not to say they dont cause trouble....they do every chance they get but thats not often. SS is moving away from us this weekend, so as long as theres no episodes before then things should go back to normal. Other than that all I can do is bide my time till the next blow up and then lay my cards on the table. I WILL NOT put up with this BS for the rest of my life!

Yes I have noticed there is an emphasis amongst us on SDs but SSs can be just as bad in a different way if they are inclined to manipulate -- and of course they are particularly protective subconsciously or not of BM. The dynamic they use is to get dad to bond with them as happy-go-lucky males against the interfering henpecking female. My SS really played that one till a great SM friend of mine, who was happening to stay with us at the time, blew him out of the water recently -- DH was furious at her presumption but it scared the little guy off. Actually he's not a bad kid but boy can he manipulate if he wants to. He learned it young.

I agree one of my main issues anyway is a loss if respect for DH. I kept my faith in him for almost ten years despite some compelling evidence to the contrary. He has no backbone, let's whomever is speaking before him say just about anything and truly seems not to have a solidly developed sense of self. It is kinda sad-he will be who you want him to be in the moment to gain approval but doesn't follow through with most things that he says. He's allowed SD to be the bully in the house. She does it in such a way where, when called on it, she can say, "oh I didn't mean THAT"...a passive aggressive master.

I would have never believed the information in the book Stepmonster had I not lived it. I would have thought the stepmothers interviewed had to be very insecure or mean. I HAD NO IDEA . Live and learn :(.