I broke up with my Fiance last night over 19 year old Clingy FSD
I broke up with my Fiance last night over FSD! I still can't believe that he refused to see my point that how clingy she has been to him over all the occasions I have been there. Constantly interrupting, attention grabbing, I felt in a corner. After 3 events like that we had a face to face talk last night. I was blamed for not having enough patience, where I raised my stepson for 21 yrs! He was a Disney dad and recently his 19 yr old came to live with him, I guess he is still in this mode, scared to discipline her.
We got along so well together..my two kids (live w me) accepted him (not too happy) but they do not cling to me. I saw a red flag of his not supporting me for any issues involving his daughter, so I returned the ring.
Any comment? did I do the right thing?
I could have written this
I could have written this keekeedee, right down to the gas lighting in the past, wow!
Thanks MizFoxie...makes so
Thanks MizFoxie...makes so much sense now.
Should we date any divorced man with kids any more? what to check...gosh I thought I was a kid person, I always deal with my kids friends all over me all the time. But could not tolerate his girl....now I know why.
I think Disney dads gets into narcissistic mode to blame FW.........so they can carry on with their mini wife/s.
i am sure the young woman is
i am sure the young woman is grinning at having pushed out her love rival.
dad will be happy until he figures out that he cannot get sex from this love affair he is having. he is also damaging his own daughter from growing up and dating young men her own age. its sick but it happens all the time.
sd used to always drop little hints to dh wanting to be taken out on dates with dad in the convertible sports car.
it will be hilarious when they go out on "dates" together because she will look like his young mistress.
i am glad to hear that you left this horror early and gave back the ring.
Thanks so much
Thanks so much keekeedee.....I was feeling strange too. I saw her literaly hanging from his neck, being within couple of inches all the time. Also saw something in their eyes that I could not explain. I felt he is not acting as a father, rather a bf/friend. Looking back in my life....I never had that. I also asked around my male friends, how close do they physically with their adult daughters...except hugs. They all told me they always keep a distance....unless closeness is needed.
Anybody disagree?
I thought long and hard maybe I am seeing different or maybe I am jealous. But till now I can't shake off my yucky/uncomfortable feeling about their repeated closeness. There is some pattern of obsession going on, not healthy to me.
I acted most of my gut feeling...
Does all the Disney dad ends up having a mini wife due to their past?
My BDs (16 & 12) always told
My BDs (16 & 12) always told me....mommy he is creepy and weird. I should have listened to them not wasting a year on him. Kids usually do know the truth.
I am feeling so much better now here that I can relate to many similar experiences!
What a great forum!
Me too. I didn't know
Me too. I didn't know miniwife syndrome was that extreme or common.
It was so bad I was a heartbeat away from calling CPS.
It was that disturbing.
Made me feel like puking sometimes.
Just icky nasty.
But since everyone involved said I was just a jealous crazy bitch I just kept my mouth shut.
The kid is still quite the shit stirrer and was always manipulative beyond belief.
I finally had to tell DH that he'd better do something about it before somebody did call CPS.
I wasn't the only one who thought it was weird. A lot of my friends and relatives would notice and say "Gee they're really close aren't they?"
They used to sit very close together off in a corner speaking in very hushed tones, long lingering looks and she would be hanging all over him every minute. It looked creepy enough that I sometimes hated to claim them publicly.
Still makes me shudder to this day.
They looked more like lovers
They looked more like lovers than father and daughter
In my opinion, both the SD
In my opinion, both the SD and the DH 'get off' on a mini-wife relationship, even if it IS sick. SD gets to show SM that she is priority number one, and it feeds her ego. Score 1 for her! DH is flattered because he has a younger woman giving him all of the ego strokes that a young mistress would. Take a look at his face when he is crossing social boundaries with his daughter, getting a bit flirtatious. Next time look at DH's eyes. Do you see the love of a father for his daughter or do you see something different in his eyes - 'hungry rather than fatherly when he is looking at her?
Years ago SD and DH would walk arm in arm ahead on a two-person sidewalk, leaving me to follow along behind them. I saw nothing 'fatherly' in this at all. Just self flattery. One other poster put out the thought: What would happen if the situation was switched? How would DH feel if he were expected to sit back and watch inappropriate behavior between his wife and her son? It is truly like emotional incest.
You are very lucky to get out of this before you married into a nightmare.
Thanks sueu2...you provided a
Thanks sueu2...you provided a great suggestion
From what you all are saying
From what you all are saying as soon as real wife leaves the pressure will be off the mini wife and she can stop the act. Daddy loses both and is probably mystified.
^^^Good point!^^^ And when
^^^Good point!^^^ And when it happens he will either try to lure SM back or say it was all her fault. It also makes me wonder if this ever happens in first marriages. If I had ever tried that with my father, for one thing he would have never allowed it, but in the end I would have been chastised severely by my family.
Here's an interesting blog about being a step mother to a mini-wife:
http://alittlestepmamadrama.blogspot.com/2013/10/mini-wife-syndrome.html
Mini Wife Syndrome: ~ Usually
Mini Wife Syndrome:
~ Usually involves a female child of divorce who has made to feel entitled to the sole attention and resources of her guilt-ridden father.
~ Made worse if the father has been single for a long period of time, during which the child became accustomed to the sole attention of her father.
~ Is inordinately affectionate with her father.
~ Has expectations that she will be the center of her father's attention or she will punish him by pouting, whining, or ignoring him.
~ New female in the father's life tends to feel "left out," "awkward," or "intrusive" when going out with the father and his mini-wife.
~ Mini-wife will try to compete with stepmother.
~ Mini-wife will feel less like his child and more like "the other woman" in the stepmother's mind.
~ Mini-wife will insist on sitting and walking next to her father at all times.
~ Mini-wife can become inordinately obsessed with her father, calling several times a day or becoming overly needy.
~ Mini-wife may insist on private dates with dad.
~ Mini-wife dwells on the past and wants to talk about times with her dad before her stepmother came into the relationship.
~Mini-wife tattles to her dad on her stepmother.
~Mini-wife tries to circumvent her stepmom's authority by going "over her head" to daddyyyy.
~Mini-wife tends to act and talk "babyish" when around her dad.
~Mini-wife blames everything bad in her life on her stepmother.
Yep. I've learned that the
Yep. I've learned that the Best medicine is to leave these people alone with each other. One day and he'll get rid of her.
good link orange county.
good link orange county.
DODGED A MAJOR LEAGUE
DODGED A MAJOR LEAGUE BULLET!! And yes he'll try to win you back. . .with WORDS and not actions. Don't fall for it!
If he is a great guy and
If he is a great guy and accepted your kids, you can return the favor, or at least tolerate her. I would take some time off, but I am not sure the grass is greener IMHO I would say you overreacted, but I am probably in minority
I share some ideas of mini
I share some ideas of mini wife but narcassist added to it. My SD doesn't express touchy feelings just acts like he is her possession. Expresses that she will always be his number #1 ~ by view you might but in the bedroom sweetie pie I have you beat !!! Pretty sad when your major competition is your SD.
Do mini wife/narcassist behavior go hand n hand n over lap ???
No no no. You guys need to
No no no. You guys need to use these mini wives as your minions! MINION WIVES! Every time DH needs or wants something, call his Special Girl to fetch it for him. Every. Time. ....Now sit back and watch. Oh, and enjoy her pain and his annoyance.
I think to have forbidden
I think to have forbidden fruit like mini wife a dad living in fantasy land have to be narcissist to wife .... so he can have it all.
Totally understand this and
Totally understand this and have lived some of it myself with DH and DH's daughters...while I don't think there was/is anything actually physically inappropriate I do agree with sandye21 that some SD's love to make sure the SM know that they the SD are #1, and some of our DH's really like having their ego fed by the whole mini-wife scenario
DH's eldest daughter is full of jealous insecurity about the relationship DH and I have and she acts out even now as a married mother in her 30's. She's resents me for 'taking her place' As what I have to ask, her father's lover???? Seriously it is sick how jealous she is and DH deep down really seems to love it I think. He makes no bones about her jealousy and it's like he thinks he's some awesome guy that you know, his daughter and wife are competing for. Sick!!!
YSD is currently his all time favorite child, DH dotes on her like there is no tomorrow. And yes I think DH totally plays it up in front of me as if he has something to prove to me. Tomorrow evening YSD will be here as she is in town for two weeks and already the nonsense with DH is starting.
I don't have any issues with YSD. I like her. I'm looking forward to her visit. I'm interested in her life and we have much in common so I'm happy she'll be here tomorrow evening. It's DH I can't stand being around when YSD is here. DH goes so far over board at trying to "prove" this wonderful relationship and whatever point he is trying to make, it makes me literally want to barf
All of it comes down to major insecurities I think, people trying to prove something....their wonderful close relationship and even think it might impress the SM I think! How childish, stupid and dysfunctional. If the father/daughter relationship were really so great then it would be DH acting in a purely fatherly way and his daughter behaving as a daughter would. There would be no need to prove THEY are sooooooo close to the point of almost weirdness....they would accept his wife and respect their marriage, feel grateful their father is happy, loved and cared for
Thanks for all valuable
Thanks for all valuable comments from life. I started to feel so much better and confident that I made the right choice. As if I got my life back.
The lesson learned.......caution caution caution while dating a divorced daddy with kids. Check their interaction before even you let him kiss you, not worth...lol
You could be writing my own
You could be writing my own story. My SD 26 drapes herself across my DH whenever she comes to visit. They were once actually napping on the couch together when I got home and he was holding her legs which were stretched across him while they slept. If I try to get up for a minute, when we are watching tv, she will get up and take my chair. I could go on and on. MY DH has 2 daughters and not once have they asked me to go out and get to know me as a person. I have tried to be friendly and yet give them their space. Yet they have told their dad what they don't like about me. They rough house with him like they are 12 and not 26 and 21. Kissing on the lips and calling him Daddy in every conversation. Believe me this is said in a baby voice.
The 26 year old SD has not had a relationship with a man in the 6 years I have know her though she claims to want one. If I leave I will never date a man with children again unless I see what his relationship is with them first.
Yeah stepmomdavis...I have
Yeah stepmomdavis...I have heard the baby voices enough. Not sure what went on behind my back. Glad I am out. Are you still with your DH and handling all the nonsense?
The 26 year old SD has not
The 26 year old SD has not had a relationship with a man in the 6 years I have know her though she claims to want one.
this is exactly the reason that this disfunction damages a young persons ability to enter relationship on their own.
You probably are really
You probably are really hurting right now. Breaking off an engagement, giving up hope and love--it's not an easy thing to do.
STAY STRONG. For whatever reasons, this daddy/daughter pair have very poor boundaries. Even as a bio mom and a fairly steel-spined person, I was not able to fix this dynamic between my ex-husband and our two bio daughters. Apart from pretty much destroying both of them emotionally, it has caused me endless trouble. As a relatively powerless step mom, your major issue likely would be the trouble it caused you. Did I mention that the trouble is endless? Believe me, you are well out of it.
I am having a real fight, competing with darling's one and only (child), a son. Having previously lived through years of daddy-daughter shenanigans, I can only shudder at what it would have been like if there were an SD in the picture.
Life is too short. Stay out of their mess. STAY STRONG.
Thanks Miss T. Guess what
Thanks Miss T. Guess what like most OP predicted, my ex-fiance wants to be back. I am starting another topic now. Would appreciate your input.