How many of you still have adult children living at home & what are the circumstances good and bad?
How many of you still have adult children living at home & what are the circumstances good and bad? I am wondering because it seems to me that adult children are staying at home much longer now. My bio daughter is 24 and still lives at home she is still working part-time and trying to get her life career going, but at times I think she is just taking her sweet time and not moving into true adulthood with all of the responsibilities. I find it hard to have the conversation about her leaving because I have so much guilt over my divorce from her birth father and all the drama and disfunction that went on while she was in Jr. High and Highschool. Is it just me or are we all driven by the guilt of divorce to let our adult kids stay at home longer than they should be. She is helpful, responsible about work and college although it's taken her 4 years to get a two year degree, partly because of taking time off because her birth dad kicked her out of the house (she moved back in when he moved out) and partly because she can't decide what she wants to do. Am I alone in this?
Thanks,
WiseNotWicked
You are definitely not alone.
You are definitely not alone. The reason why is taking her so long to figure things out is because there is not a lot of pressure. She should be working full-time, regardless of what she wants her career to be. If she's 24 and living there with no pressure, I can guarantee you she will still be living there at 28. I would suggest charging her rent, or coming up with an "exit plan" for her to get her own place soon.
DH and I discussed this
DH and I discussed this before we married. If any kid over the age of 18 lives with us, they will go to college full time and work at least part time. My daughter lives with us. She is 22 and is the hardest working girl I know. She will graduate college in December and get married and move out at the same time.
And they must graduate in a normal time frame. Not much over 4 years.
My 22 y/o BS lives with us as
My 22 y/o BS lives with us as does SS18 and my BS13. SS18 just graduated HS. he crawled across the finish line. THANK GOD! BUT...he can't find a job and has no plans of attending college. Although he'll tell daddy that he DOES want to go to school but with his 68 GPA I say why throw good money out the window, I know he isn't going to do crap at college. This is week 2 out of school and no jobs have materialized. Both DH and I have filled out NUMEROUS job apps for him. He has filled out many as well. No one is hiring. Very disconcerting to say the least. My 22 y/o works full time and is in the military. I am practically pushing him out the door. I have had to be slightly tolerant of SS18 being home because my BIO 22 y/o is still with us. However, as EVERYONE on this board knows what we feel for our OWN kids is not necessarily what we feel about our Skids. SS18 is not a bad kid if I were to be honest. He's respectful, does what he's told, and ADORES my BS13. They are inseparable and get along better than my own BS' do. But he is lazy. Again, I'd have to admit that ALL my boys are lazy and I find it takes so much longer to get rid of boys!! I wouldn't mind that they live with us if they all chipped in more often. I literally have to start slamming pots into the sink before EVERYONE (DH included) gets off their asses to help me clean on Sundays. We're a weird bunch. We sit in the living room and have family conversations about why I slam the pots. They find it funny. I want to strangle them half the time and the rest of the time I really do love them all. SS18 included. Affording their own place is very very difficult. Times are not like before. Everything is so expensive, I kinda feel bad for them. I have a Good Enough Diploma and make a fabulous income (I paid my dues 18 years on the job). They have HS diplomas and can't get a job at Mcdonalds. It's like wow WTF...
My DH and I waited until our
My DH and I waited until our kids were out of high school to marry so that we didn't have kids living with us except maybe summers when they were home from college. Hah. Both his SS and my BD ended up back with us, and at the same time. It was a nightmare, partly becasue of their personal circumstances (BD recovering from an abusive relationship and SS on the path of drug addiction).
Several years later, both are out of the house. BD lives in our town so we see her quite a bit. Her biodad and I still support some of her expenses while she's in school full time (and working two part-time jobs). SS is in school about an hour away, and my DH and the BM still support some of his expenses. He's in school full time and working a part time job (which I learned today he quit because something wasn't "fair"--he's got maturity issues because he lost a bunch of growing up years due to drugs).
Anyway, it was an awful year. I nearly left DH that year over SS issues, but my BD wasn't exactly a model adult either. No way would either of them move back in with us. I have a hard time when SS is with us for a long weekend.
Yes, I fell into the guilty parent trap, and my DH struggles with that too. But I'm pretty well over it now, DH not so much. "No" is quite a nice word to be able to say.
Wow is all I can say, looks
Wow is all I can say, looks like adult kids living at home longer is an epidimic! Is it the economy? Is it entitlement? Is it because they want everything all at once and are not willing to struggle like we did to acquire what we have or what we are attempting to hold on to? Where are the jobs and career paths for these young adults???? My SS just graduated from college last year and was lucky enough to land a good job in his field, he has 10 friends who graduated at the same time that are either working two part time jobs or one full time dead end job... It's pathetic and poof here comes the GUILT all over again what a vicious cycle!