Fiance's ex-wife of 7yrs can't let go and move on!
My fiance and I have been together 2 1/2 years and have been engaged for 4 months now. His ex-wife of 7yrs is still devistated that I am in his life! She talks bad about me to their adult children even though we have only met once. She tells the kids that she and my fiance are going to get back together someday she just knows it (she has even said this to my fiance)! My fiance just blows it off and he says she's depressed because she broke up with her boyfriend, has no money... I told him he needed to tell her to stop the talk of them getting back together and he said he would but he hated to push her when she was down (yes steam came out of my ears).
My fiance is very loving, honest and has never given me any reasons not to trust him, or so I thought until I found out that last year while I was out of town he went to one of his ex's family get togethers because his daughter wanted him to go. Needless to say I found out and I was extremely hurt and betrayed beyond belief. He claimed it was for the kids and just to see her folks as they had been married for 19 years and her folks are getting older... You might have guessed that this was the fuse to the ex-wife needed to continue her claims of them getting back together! Then to top it off I found out that he gave her a ride to one of their sons graduation (a 1 1/2 hr drive)! No wonder she thinks there's a chance! I've seen text messages on his phone from her twice where she texted "we need to talk call me when THAT GIRLFRIEND is not around!" and then she was sending him hearts on his FB page (she is now blocked). This is the same woman that when she met me for the first time at their sons house worming/engagement party claimed that she wanted us to be one big happy family GAG ME I wanted to slap that B! Even my future SD in law and everyone else said it was an act and when I'd go in another room she'd make a face in my direction then run over to my fiance! She also told her sons (both engaged) and their fiances that she did not want me at their weddings, the kids told her that she needed to get over it because they wanted me there. Thank goodness they stand up for me!
I will say that since we formaly announced our engagement she has backed off (or I am not being informed of her rants and dreams of reconciling). I can not stand this woman she is lazy, low class, cheap, stupid, ignorant, trashy, loud mouthed, foul mouthed jealous, spiteful, rude and has zero manners (and this is not just me it comes from my fiance's siblings, mom and some from his kids). Luckily his kids and I get along, it took awhile for SD and I to bond but it finally happened.
Finally my question is how do I let go of the absolutely hateful feelings I have towards her, I am not threatned by her at all, I am confidant in my relationship, I just want her to dissapear if she can't grow a backbone and accept that a decent, loving and caring woman is going to marry her ex-husband and be happy that I am good to her kids and love them very much. I never imagined that I could have such vile feelings for another person, but, I let her push my buttons! Will I always have fantacys of telling her off!
Yup...you most likely will if
Yup...you most likely will if she does not except the fact he has moved on. I am glad that you and SK get along ( unlike my scenario because its pure hell and a headache), If everyone see's her for what she is then your already in good gracious. Dont let her jealosey and envey get to you, seems like everyone already thinks your the better women
they got your back!
As long as he will take a United front with you I think you will be just fine.
I think your soon to be hubby there is the one that needs to take the stand so you dont bring yourself any damage. He can be to the point but not rude or hateful about it when he just puts it out there. See, the kids are grown...that was her intial strings to him too, maybe she feels a sense of not having control because of that too. Alot of Bm use ther children to create havoc and hatefullness out of their jealousey because BD moved on. Sounds like irregaurdless of your past concerns you got a good thing going
Thank you so much you made me
Thank you so much you made me feel so much better! I was raised to take the high road and have made a habbit of doing so on my life's path thus far. I guess there is nothing worse than another woman fighting for your mans affection! Thank goodness I know he loves and adores me, and when I start feeling to crazy I re-live the moment she laid eyes on my 2 1/2 carrot engagement ring, I swear there was a band playing in the background!
Hmmmm - I have my own anger
Hmmmm - I have my own anger and hatred that I haven't figured out how to deal with.
BUT, I do have to say that maybe you can look upon her with humor or pity. SHE is making herself out to look VERY immature and petty...and YOU don't have to lift a finger!
They say the best revenge is to live a happy life. Make sure she NEVER knows that this bothers you (including in what BF says about you) and that you are IMMENSELY happy if you EVER have to cross paths with the dumb skank!
SOOOOOO TRUE!! Smile Smile
SOOOOOO TRUE!! Smile Smile Dear
Skylarksms is right.
^^^^^^^ I agree with this
^^^^^^^ I agree with this ^^^^^^^^
especially this bit....
'its about.. do you love me enough to do the hard stuff to.. like ignoring your Ex for me, and saying no if she asks for anything, and defending me if we all happen to be in each others presence'.
and....ask yourself;
when you are going through your closets/bookshelf/etc - you need to discard stuff that you might think will upset your SO/DH/wife or whoever....'as a token of common courtesy...Ill throw that piece of jewelly/shirt/shoes/photo/ etc bc my ex gave me' 'I dont think its right I keep it as my current love may not appreciate it....and I dont want to upset them....'
Thank you for your response,
Thank you for your response, I've not been on for a while with all the Holiday madness. I have not had any additional drama from his ex thank goodness except or the fact that I absolutely dread having to be around her for the kids weddings, rehearsals, showers next year it's going to be a tense gathering each and every time . And to top it off she is not paying a single dime towards the rehearsal dinners.
Well I certainly went through
Well I certainly went through something similar with my husband's ex! She has hated me from day one and the feeling is mutual! She was very jealous when we first strated dating! Just couldn't stand it that he was moving on from her! And I tell you I am 300 percent bettet then her. She treated him like crap!
I think it really bothered her too that I am younger then her. Oh well he traded up! LOL! She is just a dried up old witch! She really got mad when I moved in with him, in fact banned me from being around my SD. I think she was trying to scare me off, didn't work obvouisly!
If I were you I would have little to do with her as possible! That's how I handle my situation. I can't stand BM so never talk to her as she is very bitchy, she loves to get under my skin, so I stay away from her! I just let my husband handle her, I figure it's his ex he has a kid with, not me! Why do I have to deal with her ugly face? I don't!!!
But I would if I were you have a talk with yor husband. He should tell his ex that he has moved on and she needs to stop saying that she wants him back. If she says something like that, then he needs to walk away from and not talk to her! I don't really see why he needs to talk to her now that the kids are adults. Me and my husband plan on cutting the ex out of our lives once my daughter turns 18! We can't wait! Then we can just deal with my SD and not her! Yes!!!
Thank you so much for all of
Thank you so much for all of your advice and support. I knew the second time around would be tough but I never dreamed that the emotions regarding the exwife could be so strong!
Thank you for posting this.
Thank you for posting this. I thought I was the only one going through this.
I'm involved with a man with an adult daughter whose ex-wife won't let go. Your situation sounds so very familiar.
We're getting married in less than a month. The most recent stunt of the ex is tell him their daughter suffers from anxiety in crowds. This is new. She continues that daughter probably won't be able to go to our destination wedding & to ask her sister's husband about it, since he has seen the daughter have a panic attack. This is most likely untrue - his ex lies about ANYTHING. If his daughter really did suffer from anxiety we'd most likely have all learned about it way before she was in her mid 30s. Also, I'm pretty certain his BIL would have told him about it. Additionally, the ex begged him not to say anything to daughter since it would only upset her and the ex is trying to get her to go to the doctor. Then ex tells him he is the greatest dad in the world. This is a common ploy of his ex, to come up with some sort of emergency regarding his daughter or her parents, right around when we are going on vacation. That way she can be in touch with him during our vacation. Once she even went so far as to beg for $350 for "mamaw & papaw" who supposedly needed medicine but couldn't afford their prescriptions. He did not give her the money but called the sister of the ex. SIL checked with her parents, who said they were fine. SIL said the ex really needed rent money.
So he contacts his daughter to check on her. Daughter says she's busy with her real estate business, lots of closings but still coming and BTW, mom is driving down with her since she doesn't want to drive by herself in the middle of the night, needs help caring for her dogs & mom is the only one able to get a few days off. She assures him her mom won't come anywhere near the wedding or our hotel. I'd bet some serious cash his ex WILL show up at some point. I know his daughter will do her best to keep her mom away, she's done this at other gatherings where her mom can't stay away from him - but I don't put anything past his ex. He told his daughter to consider not coming to the wedding since she is so busy with closings and just go to our reception later on, at home for everyone who can not travel so far to our wedding.
I think the supposed "anxiety" makes it okay for mom to tag along. Daughter does need help with her dogs, one of which is terminal, so she doesn't want to leave the poor thing behind. I totally get that, the girl is childless, like me, and her fur kids are very important. I can relate. And since daughter is only going to stay for a day for the wedding, I'm sure it would be very hard to find anyone to take 3 days off, spend 2 of those days driving and only stay 1 day. I'm not upset with his daughter, who has been able to keep her mom away from us at funerals & other gatherings where we have to tolerate the ex. But there is no way his ex is going to get that close and not leap on a chance to ask him to meet with her to discuss their daughter's health. Yes, she's done that before, calls right before vacation, and their daughter was fine.
I wish our wedding was about us but I knew his ex was going to do something to interfere, as she always does. A snake is a snake. About all I can do is stand by and watch the ex show her ass & make a fool of herself. The best revenge is living well & I'm going to do that. At this point, I think his ex is pathetic, proof you can't fix stupid. The hate I feel towards this meddling, intrusive person who doesn't understand boundaries - is also tinged with some pity. Who runs after a man who doesn't want them anymore? Who goes to the destination wedding of an ex? Only a really stupid, desperate fool.
Hopefully you too have progressed from hating his ex to feeling sorry for the poor fool.
Dealing with crazy ex wife
Thank God igs good to know that there are other people out there dealing with the same issue. I have been with my guy for over 4 yrs and got engaged in Christmas day. They do have a child together that is now 13 but from day one I didnt a free with some of the things that they did together like go camping for scouts and sleeping in the same tent. Going to family functions for scouts together and leaving me out. Taking rides together to drop him off. Him constantly repairing her car and allowing her to drive his. They at this point had not been together for 5 years. He daily texts and calls to him about non sense things. Her asking him over for dinner her showing up at his house whenever she wanted without warning and hanging around. The ride nansyy texts she would send him especially if we were away or when he wouldn't bend over backwards for her when she wanted. I would then be that bad guy calling me the c word and a bunch of other horrible names. He never once said a word told her off because he didnt want to create more drama. Well what about me what about my feelings. I have actually had her go after me at a school function she is lucky I didnt be at the living shut out of her. His family thinks she is god's guts to heaven she cheated lied and stole from from him. Come to find out she racked a credit card up to 1900 doallrs and only found out because I had him sign up for credit karma. Wasn't in her name she had no right to it. But he let that drag on for over a year. She ruined our engagement day when dropping off his kid told his son that his father was a fing fool and this went on for a good 45 minutes in front of his son mom dad sister brother in law niece and nephew but no one did a dam thing just let her do her thing. His sister absolutely hates me because the ex is constantly sending her texts anytime he or I piss her off with nasty things and I have never gotten a chance to even know her at this point I could care less. He wants to buy his parents house with them still living there I said HELL NO as I wont have any say on here showing up when she feels like and just walking in. Because there is no way I would ever let her step 1 foot into my house. Things have died down after the engagement but she still plays her little games no communication on important things but well send him numerous texts about the most ridiculous things like make she he wears Jean's and shoes to shoes. Really? He's 13 for God sakes. The pure mention of her name makes me see red. Seeing an orange car makes me see red. Doesn't help that as soon as I see his mother first words out of her mouth is something about the ex. I tell him all the time I am the way I am is because of the bs that i was put thru and no one stood up for me. I didnt even stand ip for me why I don't know. Sometimes I wonder is it really worth it?