How it affects our relationship
I have given this issue some thought. Dh has decided to attempt to re-engage his daughters no matter whether they shun him or not. In a nutshell, over the years they and their mother used the courts to rip him apart, costing him well over 100 k. So now he is calling and texting them, even though he gets little interest back. I find it sickening. Recently, we were out to dinner with one of his coworkers of over 20 years. My ears perked up when this person said he could not believe how their boss speaks to my dh. It is just awful. This guy then went on to say that he himself got treated badly, but right away told the boss he would not tolerate abuse. And the boss treats him with respect now, unlike my dh.
I found myself looking at my dh with disdain? This is exactly how he is with his ex and daughters. My first husband is NOT like this at all. In fact, he told me that his recent relationship ended partially because he could not stand the SD he had! I so can relate with my own ex!!
I try to tell myself to let it go, let it go, let it go.......
How do you???
Well, aside from being a wimp
Well, aside from being a wimp in some areas, he is very kind. I tell myself we all have our faults. Thankfully the bitches live in other states, and I have no contact with them, so that is easy for now.
But again, I want to knock some sense in him!! Better chance of winning the lottery!!
Exactly Metz. My ex was a
Exactly Metz. My ex was a leader, and now my dh is just not. We get along well, aside from the issue of his ex and daughters. I can not even discuss them anymore with him without getting so irritated by his lack of cojones.
Is life perfect? No, but second marriages rarely are.....lots of players in the mix. But relationships with adult children do not need to sink a marriage. They live hundreds of miles away. Our marriage comes first. If he wants to call, text them with very little response back, so be it. If he wants to fly and visit, great. I will take myself off to a spa.
You're lucky. I wish SS22
You're lucky. I wish SS22 would join the military and get sent to another country. Oh, but no...he's a loser, did drugs for 5 years...waiting tables and daddy still paying half his rent. Why? Oh...boo hoo...he's mentally ill like his mother. Whatev. I just stay out of it because AT LEAST he doesn't live with us anymore! He did for 2 years and it almost broke my marriage. Stepkids. Yuck.
Funny how we marry men who
Funny how we marry men who are the opposite of our ex's. My first husband was a nice guy who gave our 4 daughters everything, but he's probably like you all's current husbands...didn't have a pair. He continued to help them after college, bought them cars, paid of their credit cards, etc... I now am married to the equivalent of Chris Christie...says what's on his mind and doesn't care if people like him or not. He has a spine and I like it! It HAS unfortunately caused problems with my daughters because there are traits of THEM he doesn't like and has said so...not to their faces, but they've overheard. He doesn't do it anymore because I almost left him over it, but my daughters still aren't comfortable around him which makes it hard on me.
Some people never grow a
Some people never grow a spine. I struggled with being assertive in my 20's but eventually came to the conclusion that people would treat me how I allowed them to treat me. So, my tolerance for bullshit at that point progressed to zero and since I treat people with respect and if they do not reciprocate I bring the pain. Sometimes that means confronting them and informing them that how they are treating me will not be tolerated and at other times it means more significant consequences.