My SS is polite but has no interest whatsoever in my kids. That's ok. Oldest SD only cares about people who will idolize her so she took no interest whatsoever until we disengaged from her. Then she decides to try to be all buddy buddy with them. Too little too late. Youngest SD and my youngest son actually became friends. She lost that friendship too when she went back on the attack of us. She too tries to be all buddy buddy with them yet but they dropped her like a hot potato. No one wants to be around crazy mean people.
SS adores my bios but as soon as they get near DH he has to get closer to him than they are. I know he's happy he has no brothers to compete against for DHs testosterone infused bullshit interests.
I have much older bios (30 & 28) than my SDs (16 & 18). My SDs are jealous of my bios, although they have absolutely nothing whatsoever to be jealous about. Except maybe that both my bios have good degrees despite having gone to state schools, whereas the SDs have had v expensive private educations, but are underachievers.
My daughters live hundreds of miles away and have their own jobs, relationships etc and are more or less unaware of much of what goes on with the SDs, except when I vent to them on the phone about it! They are pretty neutral about my SDs - they hardly know them - but of course are cordial if they do meet up, being well brought up girls.
DH and I occasionally go and visit the bios, as we did the Xmas before last - plus I wanted to see my grandson - we went up on Xmas Eve and came back on Boxing Day - because it was SKIDS weekend! Even then, SD18 complained bitterly that SHE wanted to see her father on Xmas eve - she ranted to him on the phone about this and made the ridiculous statement "It is always all about Kes's bios". What nonsense! I felt like slapping the spoiled little madam. Which is a pretty common feeling for me.
My SS kicks, bites and punches my son he smashes rocks over the back of his head and is the most awful little violent bully I have ever met. But according to DH family its only ''boys will be boys behaviour nothing wrong with a bit of rough and tumble it will make my son a stronger person. There is also nothing strange about SS punching our pregnant friend in the stomach either all perfectly normal behavior for a 5yr old hes just finding his feet'' No surprise that my ss is kept firmly away from my son and anyone else we care about bleugh!
As I mentioned in my comment I keep my son firmly away from the disgusting little runt. As it stands he doesnt come to the house anymore anyway since he told the police and social services I beat him. My husband tries his best but when ur dealing with the devils spawn nothing is straightforward. As long as he is out of the house I dont care what happens.
My five year old boy sounds like your ss (hitting, punching at times). If you were the BM I doubt you would feel the hatred you feel.
Does he need to be disciplined, absolutely! Still, I take issue with any 5 yr old being called the devil's spawn. If he ever hears that type of labeling it could effect him for the rest of his life.
Labels have a profound effect on children. My son thought he heard me saying he was "the baddest kid in the whole world" to my sister. I would never use the word baddest or say this about my son. His behavior became much, much worse for a few days until he asked me the other night if he was going to grow up to be a bad adult. I told him I didn't think he would but ultimately that his (and every person's) choice. Why did he ask? He thought I had called him the "baddest kid". It broke my heart.
Of course, I assured him I never would have said this. It's more likely I said the "best" kid (honestly), because I'm biased and he's the apple of my eye.
I discipline my son consistently and harshly if necessary (I don't like to at all). Over time, he's gotten better. We just moved though and he's been at his worse (punching and kicking me). He's a lot more careful after being disciplined each time.
Sounds like part of the problem is your DH and lack of discipline. That is not ss's fault.
"Raising your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka is a great book for help in understanding little ones like this.
The SK's were horrible to my kids. At one point in time had all the kids at their elementary school calling my daughter horrible names (they are 2 years apart in grades). It was soooo bad the principal called and requested a meeting with me.
They completely alienated my son. Anything that happened, the two SK's would blame my DS and my DH would accept it. They stole money from him, along with electronics, etc. At one point in time became physically aggressive towards him, and I told my DH I was calling the police if he wouldn't do anything about it (DS and SK's are 5 years apart, SK's are older).
The SK's have repeated time and time again over the last 6 years we've been married that they don't really want anything to do with my DH, but they CERTAINLY don't want my kids (or me) to have anything to do with DH either. They see us as taking away from DH financially (despite the fact that I work, bring home twice what DH does after CS is subtracted) and that's unfair to them. But unfair only applies until OUR money goes towards a big ticket item for them. Then they're happy, but only happy enough to thank ONLY my DH in front of me.
SK's are both late teens now. I'm pretty much convinced that their behaviors won't change after all this time. My children will have absolutely nothing to do with them by their own choices.
Our kids are all adults, well, chronologically anyway. My SS is buds with one of my Ds. It's really very nice. My SD is polite to my kids, but seems to have a jealousy issue with my youngest D. I don't know if something happened between them or what, but my D lives nearish SD, had a car break down near SD's house, so D spent the night there. Apparently we didn't gush over SD enough, thank her enough, she felt "used" and "taken for granted." A few months later SD cried (SD is 32) to dadddeee when this same D was visiting us and we went out to a Christmas concert. SD, apparently, thinks that daddeee should engage in holiday activities only with her.
I spend zero energy worrying about trying to please SD. She continues to be polite to me for the most part (we've had a couple of issues lately, all involving my D and what SD thinks D should and shouldn't do, and I might have mentioned that SD doesn't need to be in charge of me, DH, or this other adult). I'll take basic politeness, but it's too bad because we'd had some fun together prior to whatever incident, real or imagined, occurred.
sd has always tried to get bd to do things she's not supposed to so that when sd gets in trouble, she won't go down alone. she also blamed bd for being part of things that she most certainly was not a part of for the same reason. now that they are 18 and 21, they have no relationship. sd's bossiness and demands have caused bd to do the same thing i did-disengage. sd was fine with bs until she had her own kid. now bs might as well not exist as far as she's concerned. that is fine with me. he is better off without that toxic twat in his life.
SD was a young adult when bs was born. She was clearly jealous of him, even saying so at one point. She didn't mistreat him but just didn't seem to like him much. She unashamedly favored her nephews who were the same age. Her attitude has morphed into indifference which is honestly a good thing for me as I'm disengaged.
SS was excited about my bs and showed him a lot of attention when he was born and later. The fact that he has sons around the same age helped him to relate as well. I think he always wanted a brother and was happy to have my son as part of the family.
My SS is polite but has no
My SS is polite but has no interest whatsoever in my kids. That's ok. Oldest SD only cares about people who will idolize her so she took no interest whatsoever until we disengaged from her. Then she decides to try to be all buddy buddy with them. Too little too late. Youngest SD and my youngest son actually became friends. She lost that friendship too when she went back on the attack of us. She too tries to be all buddy buddy with them yet but they dropped her like a hot potato. No one wants to be around crazy mean people.
SS adores my bios but as soon
SS adores my bios but as soon as they get near DH he has to get closer to him than they are. I know he's happy he has no brothers to compete against for DHs testosterone infused bullshit interests.
I have much older bios (30 &
I have much older bios (30 & 28) than my SDs (16 & 18). My SDs are jealous of my bios, although they have absolutely nothing whatsoever to be jealous about. Except maybe that both my bios have good degrees despite having gone to state schools, whereas the SDs have had v expensive private educations, but are underachievers.
My daughters live hundreds of miles away and have their own jobs, relationships etc and are more or less unaware of much of what goes on with the SDs, except when I vent to them on the phone about it! They are pretty neutral about my SDs - they hardly know them - but of course are cordial if they do meet up, being well brought up girls.
DH and I occasionally go and visit the bios, as we did the Xmas before last - plus I wanted to see my grandson - we went up on Xmas Eve and came back on Boxing Day - because it was SKIDS weekend! Even then, SD18 complained bitterly that SHE wanted to see her father on Xmas eve - she ranted to him on the phone about this and made the ridiculous statement "It is always all about Kes's bios". What nonsense! I felt like slapping the spoiled little madam. Which is a pretty common feeling for me.
My SS kicks, bites and
My SS kicks, bites and punches my son he smashes rocks over the back of his head and is the most awful little violent bully I have ever met. But according to DH family its only ''boys will be boys behaviour nothing wrong with a bit of rough and tumble it will make my son a stronger person. There is also nothing strange about SS punching our pregnant friend in the stomach either all perfectly normal behavior for a 5yr old hes just finding his feet'' No surprise that my ss is kept firmly away from my son and anyone else we care about bleugh!
As I mentioned in my comment
As I mentioned in my comment I keep my son firmly away from the disgusting little runt. As it stands he doesnt come to the house anymore anyway since he told the police and social services I beat him. My husband tries his best but when ur dealing with the devils spawn nothing is straightforward. As long as he is out of the house I dont care what happens.
My five year old boy sounds
My five year old boy sounds like your ss (hitting, punching at times). If you were the BM I doubt you would feel the hatred you feel.
Does he need to be disciplined, absolutely! Still, I take issue with any 5 yr old being called the devil's spawn. If he ever hears that type of labeling it could effect him for the rest of his life.
Labels have a profound effect on children. My son thought he heard me saying he was "the baddest kid in the whole world" to my sister. I would never use the word baddest or say this about my son. His behavior became much, much worse for a few days until he asked me the other night if he was going to grow up to be a bad adult. I told him I didn't think he would but ultimately that his (and every person's) choice. Why did he ask? He thought I had called him the "baddest kid". It broke my heart.
Of course, I assured him I never would have said this. It's more likely I said the "best" kid (honestly), because I'm biased and he's the apple of my eye.
I discipline my son consistently and harshly if necessary (I don't like to at all). Over time, he's gotten better. We just moved though and he's been at his worse (punching and kicking me). He's a lot more careful after being disciplined each time.
Sounds like part of the problem is your DH and lack of discipline. That is not ss's fault.
"Raising your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka is a great book for help in understanding little ones like this.
The SK's were horrible to my
The SK's were horrible to my kids. At one point in time had all the kids at their elementary school calling my daughter horrible names (they are 2 years apart in grades). It was soooo bad the principal called and requested a meeting with me.
They completely alienated my son. Anything that happened, the two SK's would blame my DS and my DH would accept it. They stole money from him, along with electronics, etc. At one point in time became physically aggressive towards him, and I told my DH I was calling the police if he wouldn't do anything about it (DS and SK's are 5 years apart, SK's are older).
The SK's have repeated time and time again over the last 6 years we've been married that they don't really want anything to do with my DH, but they CERTAINLY don't want my kids (or me) to have anything to do with DH either. They see us as taking away from DH financially (despite the fact that I work, bring home twice what DH does after CS is subtracted) and that's unfair to them. But unfair only applies until OUR money goes towards a big ticket item for them. Then they're happy, but only happy enough to thank ONLY my DH in front of me.
SK's are both late teens now. I'm pretty much convinced that their behaviors won't change after all this time. My children will have absolutely nothing to do with them by their own choices.
Our kids are all adults,
Our kids are all adults, well, chronologically anyway. My SS is buds with one of my Ds. It's really very nice. My SD is polite to my kids, but seems to have a jealousy issue with my youngest D. I don't know if something happened between them or what, but my D lives nearish SD, had a car break down near SD's house, so D spent the night there. Apparently we didn't gush over SD enough, thank her enough, she felt "used" and "taken for granted." A few months later SD cried (SD is 32) to dadddeee when this same D was visiting us and we went out to a Christmas concert. SD, apparently, thinks that daddeee should engage in holiday activities only with her.
I spend zero energy worrying about trying to please SD. She continues to be polite to me for the most part (we've had a couple of issues lately, all involving my D and what SD thinks D should and shouldn't do, and I might have mentioned that SD doesn't need to be in charge of me, DH, or this other adult). I'll take basic politeness, but it's too bad because we'd had some fun together prior to whatever incident, real or imagined, occurred.
sd has always tried to get bd
sd has always tried to get bd to do things she's not supposed to so that when sd gets in trouble, she won't go down alone. she also blamed bd for being part of things that she most certainly was not a part of for the same reason. now that they are 18 and 21, they have no relationship. sd's bossiness and demands have caused bd to do the same thing i did-disengage. sd was fine with bs until she had her own kid. now bs might as well not exist as far as she's concerned. that is fine with me. he is better off without that toxic twat in his life.
SD was a young adult when bs
SD was a young adult when bs was born. She was clearly jealous of him, even saying so at one point. She didn't mistreat him but just didn't seem to like him much. She unashamedly favored her nephews who were the same age. Her attitude has morphed into indifference which is honestly a good thing for me as I'm disengaged.
SS was excited about my bs and showed him a lot of attention when he was born and later. The fact that he has sons around the same age helped him to relate as well. I think he always wanted a brother and was happy to have my son as part of the family.