So I have read a lot of blogs on here about BM's who PAS, I don't have that problem yet because she knows very little about me and hasn't had a visit in a while due to her, ahem, *problems*. But I know it's coming and will be here eventually when she starts seeing the kids again and finds out that they are living with me. Now, understand there is a shit ton of things I could say about this woman and PAS the hell out of her kids, but I choose not to for the following reasons, which are in no particular order....but I just wish PAS parents would think about these things

1. You are teaching your children it is ok to disrespect adults. Sure, you are limiting it to one particular adult (dad, sm, whatever) but kids are sponges and they don't have the same critical thinking skills adults do. When you teach a kid it's ok to disrespect an adult that YOU don't like, what the hell do you think they are going to do to an and THEY don't like? Do you honestly want to raise someone that gets constant complaints from teachers, employers, and (given the impact lack of respect has on juvenile delinquency) probation officers? I may have been raised differently, but I was raised you respect every adult, EVEN if you don't like them. If I was ever disrespectful to an adult my mother would have beaten me with a phone book because it doesn't leave discernible marks. You are opening a pandora's box, and let me remind you...teenagers are the most disrespectful people on the planet most of the time, with or without your encouragement.

2. You are teaching your children it is ok to be ungrateful. Children need to learn that nothing in life is guaranteed and they are not entitled to anything, they have to earn it. You are teaching your children that they are entitled to the things their step parent has done for them, rather than appreciating that he/she didn't have to. You are teaching your child that it is ok to ignore the sacrifices of others and focus on the needs of only one (yours). You are teaching them that bad behavior and poor graces are not only acceptable but should also be expected. Good luck with that when your kid has no social skills by the time they graduate high school and can't hold down a job.

3. You are teaching your child that ugliness in spirit and behavior is a virtue rather than a social faux pas. Your children should be taught that every person is worthy of kindness and friendly gestures. That every person needs to be treated with love and respect rather than ugly glances and mean comments. You are teaching your children that it is ok to treat others poorly because you have said so...

4. You are teaching your child that it is not ok to think for themselves. You are teaching your child that they do not have the ability, the intelligence or the soul to decide who does and does not deserve their consideration and respect. You are teaching them that they are to follow only your beliefs about others rather than make their own critical judgment as to who should and should not receive the benefit of their love and devotion. Let me know how that works out when she is calling you from the ER after her husband beats her for the 25th time.

5. You are teaching your child that they have no self worth. By teaching your child that their other parent/step parent is a bad person you are teaching them that someone who loves them is stupid to love them. If a bad person loves me, a child thinks, then I must be a bad person too. Because bad people don't love good people. Try processing that for a moment. You are setting your child up for the later attitude of I suck so who cares how much I fuck up. Enjoy spending your retirement funds on bonds....

6. You are teaching your child that their needs, feelings and wants are unimportant and secondary to your own. Your child wants to love their other parent, they are biologically driven to do so. You are teaching them that your feelings about the other parent are more important than their own feelings about this person. You are teaching them that they must subjugate what they want for whatever your mood is towards your ex on a particular day. You are teaching them that no matter what, your opinion will always matter more and they are unable to form one of their own. Hope you enjoy having them in your basement until they are 50.

7. You are teaching that love is conditional. Whether you know this or not, your child looks to you as a role model and needs to know that your love for him/her is unconditional. When you require them to hate another parent you are sending the message that they are loveable but only if they follow your line.You are teaching them that they will only be loved by another if they do and think exactly what that person says, regardless of their own opinion. Therapy bills for your little darling are going to be a bitch when she grows up.

8. You are teaching them that this is what it means to be an adult and that all adults act and behave as you do. You are teaching them that being an adult means being petty and mean and unable to cooperate. You are teaching them that being an adult means withholding from others both love and respect. You are teaching them that being an adult means only caring about yourself and not the needs of those reliant upon you. You are teaching them that it is ok, as an adult, to act however the hell you choose, regardless of how another person feels. Congratulations, you are raising a sociopath.

9. You are teaching them that the ends always justify the means. You are instructing them that the only thing that matters is what they think is best as opposed to what might be best for the group and people as a whole. You are teaching them that it is better to look out for themselves then to ever engage in an activity that benefits a group as a whole. You are teaching them that lying, cheating, stealing, violence and chaos are acceptable as long as THEIR goal is reached. You are teaching them that it is permissible to engage in dishonesty and treachery to avoid consequences for their actions. You are teaching them that it doesn't matter if they integrity and dignity, so long as they get what they want. That will serve them well in prison after their involvement in the next financial scandal.

10. Finally, you are depriving them of freedom. Depriving them of the freedom to control their responses to the slights of others Freedom to decide for themselves the person they want to be. Freedom to show empathy and love. Freedom to open themselves to what could be hurt. Freedom to learn from as many adults with as many experiences as they can. Freedom from the fear of insecure relationships and insecurity in themselves. Freedom from the ability to learn and grow and think critically for themselves. Freedom from unemployment due their insubordinate behaviors. Freedom from the ability to choose between right and wrong and take the consequences for those choices. Congratulations. You are Joseph Stalin.