How to deal. A twist on normal situations. Sorry so long.
Hi everyone. I've been reading these for a while finally decided to seek advice
. I can not stand my fiance's kid. It's so bad that I stay in the bedroom and try not bring them to family events. His son thinks he "knows everything about everything" yet he couldn't pass the equivalent of the 10th grade. And that's why he is here. He constantly puts people down and spends hours upon hours on my computer and dirties up my house he has no desire to help out. And the worst thing is he eats all of my stuff that we buy for myself (special diet) and then leaves the empty boxes perfectly intact as if they have not been touched. I don't mind that he eats some of my food but the fact that he tries to be secretive about it is what I don't like. I think the main thing that drives me crazy is that he has no manners. Please and thank you do not exist in vocabulary
. I know many people say 'you know what you are getting into when you are with man with kids' but my story is actually different we have been together for 5 years and it has been amazing. Untill now. His ex wife took both kids when they divorced 15 years ago and moved to England and cut off all contact with my fiancé. For the first 4 years I hoped the ex would have a change of heart and she finally did. They started interacting and finally he asked if he could live with us. It turns out his mom had kicked him out because he didn't finish school and started doing drugs and drinking.
To say his presence in my house has thrown a wrench in my relationship is an understatement.
I need advice how do I cope. I can't Leave my fiancé I love him to much and we made a promise not to let this come in between us. But his son is making me depressed. I've put off babies and marriage because I'm torn.
He talks to him.thats it. I
He talks to him.thats it. I have to admit he does not know how to parent a 17 year old. And that's what the problem is. He feels so guilty that he wasn't able to be there that he is very passive and expects me to adjust. Which is hard.
I wanted to be married for a
I wanted to be married for a year or two before we had kids. But I don't want to bring a child in this disfunctual situation.
He needs to know what the
He needs to know what the rules are and follow them. You all are taking on a lot. Maybe also get drug testing randomly and hold him accountable. You and your fiancee really need to be in agreement on rules. Good thing 18 is not far away. Set limits: once he is 18 if not in school needs to work and move out by a deadline. My SS is 17 and these are the expectations from myself and BD. My SS is not doing drugs, so we don't test. He also has to work every summer.
Sometimes when kids see a stable environment they change.
Hope this helps.
Im so sorry your going thru
Im so sorry your going thru this.. I bet he was an angel when you first met his father?
When they see that dad is happy with a new woman, their entitlement to him begins to surface. its so sad that your giving up your desire to have children because of a monster that has entered your house in the form of a self absorbed, entitled brat. Just remember, your man played a part in creating this monster.
The communication between you and dr Frankenstein needs to start now! I like to call the parents who create monster stepchildren as Dr Frankensteins! BM makes the poison, and BD enables it, and it wont stop until you know what your worth in this relationship is?
If you ever think "like I did", that pouring your love and compassion into this monster will make him human again? NOT.. it wont change a thing.. always know that the happier you and your partner are, the more toxicity from his kids will continue! Start placing more value on you.. you didnt play a part in creating this mess, and your worth more than that!!