I will apologize at the onset as this will be a very long post.

I am 34 years old and my wife is 43. We've been married almost four years, and we've been living together for about five years. I have four adult Skids ages 26, 24, 23, and 21. I have no kids of my own. Even though my wife had kids, I felt like it was the ideal relationship since her kids were older, self sufficient and only one was living with her at the time....at least this is what I was led to believe. Boy was I wrong. Since I have been living out here with here, we have had maybe a total of 7 months of living alone, as all of the skids have moved back in at some point during our relationship. When it's just me and my wife at home, it is truly a beautiful thing. Our utility bills are much lower, we have more spending money, we can walk around the house naked all we want to (LOL) etc, and we have so much time to devote to one another. Honestly, I absolutely HATE it when one of the SKIDS has to move back in because my wife then takes all of her attention and devotes it to them. This is because my wife never taught them how to be independant, and they always have to rely on her for EVERYTHING, and my wife always acts like they are not capable of figuring anything out for
themselves.

So now we have had the youngest SKID (SD21) and her 2 yr old living with us for the past year. Let's rewind a bit. Back when she got pregnant at the age of 18, we allowed her and her boyfriend at the time to live with us in our 2 bedroom apt. This was a living hell for me. My wife let them use her car anytime they wanted, and they actually racked up over 25k in miles in just 9 months. My wife wasn't even driving the car anymore, it was pretty much theirs. Mind you they weren't the ones paying for the insurance or maintainence of the car. The one time I actually did ask them to go get the oil changed in the car, they looked at me like I was crazy. When the boyfriend needed gas money, or money for work clothes, or wanted to go out and have fun my wife would give it to them, of course without asking me. My wife even convinced me that if we just gave them $1200 to get their own vehicle, then they wouldn't have to use our car. Begrudgingly I agreed, with the condition that they pay us back. Only $200 of that money was paid back because my wife refused to stick to our conditions. I began to loathe the three of them (baby had been born) being in our apartment, One day I smelled weed in their closet and I found some thing called a Vaporizer that is used for smoking weed. I wanted to throw it in the trash, but my wife said that was "being mean". We confronted them about it, and the bf had the nerve to say "I know a lot of successful people who smoke weed, and it's not like we smoke it here." If not for their baby, I would've tossed them both on their asses. My wife has ALWAYS had a hard time telling SD21 no about anything. She is the baby, and she is used to being spoiled and getting her way. I felt like I had to walk on eggshells around SD21 because my wife would just go off on me if I dare try to put her in her place. I confronted my wife one time about why she is so scared of her own daughter, and she said she didn't want her daughter to just up and run off.
A week later a neighbor told us that she saw them smoking weed on our balcony one night. We were on our way to a date, so we told the SD21 we would talk about this when we got home. When we got home, they had moved out.

Fast forward to last year, SD21 now has two sons and is living with the same bf, now her fiance. Her infant son dies in the hospital, and it is actually the boyfriend who caused his death. I was in the hospital room when her infant passed away, and it was very heartbreaking to watch. So after this, SD21 and her son moves in with us. I shuddered at the thought of SD21 living with us again, but I knew this was an argument I would not win. During the first 6 months, SD21 would curse at her son all the time and take the car whenever she wanted, with of course my wife giving her money. At one point my wife gave her over $200 in one month for just gas money. Not to mention we were also financially supporting them both. My wife agreed to limit it to $40 a week for gas, which still made me upset because I don't think you should have to give somebody gas money to borrow OUR car. After 6 months I said that it's time she gets a job, go to school, do SOMETHING. Wife refused to go along with this because she felt like it was too soon, and SD21 couldn't emotionally handle working. I made the point that SD21 has never been emotionally capable of working because she would always quit a job after 2-3 weeks, so what happened with her son had nothing to do with it. At one point, even the other skids were starting to see that she was using what happened with her son to not do anything. I said if she is emotionally stable enough to be dating (she had a new boyfriend) and to go out partying with him, then she is full capable of working. SD26 and her infant were also living with us, and the two skids would fight like cats and dogs.

So then we move into our new house with both Skids and their kids. We aren't even living there a month before my wife smelled weed in her car one day. We also discovered a weed pipe. We also discover that both SKIDS had gone somewhere one night and tried cocaine while they had the kids with them. My wife spouted off a bunch of crap about not putting up with their sh*t anymore, but we all know how that goes. A week later my wife discovered a lock box with weed pipes in our garage. Wife gave another worthless speech. I started suspecting that they were smoking weed on our back patio because the screen door would be left open everyday, and since it was a new house we didn't have a yard or anything back there yet. About a month later when the wife and I were at work, the police had to come to our house because the two skids were fighting. We kicked SD26 and her infant out. Later that week I came home early for work, and both skids were smoking weed in our backyard, with the kids in the house. SD21 tried to lie and say I was lying on her, and she wasn't gonna live with somebody who lies on her so she moved out. Three days later she called crying and begging to move back. I told my wife no, because she hasn't learned her lesson...Wife was pissed at me for not letting her move back in, saying how could I let our grandson live in the street, blah, blah, blah.
Then SD21 came up with the idea of leaving the 2 yr old with us for 2 months while she figured out a living arrangement. I told her fine, but she is to be here EVERY weekend and spend the entire weekend with her son, AND she is to give us $200 a month. Well after that first weekend she moved all her stuff back in while we were at work, and begged to move back in, saying we could give her drug tests, etc. Once again I knew this was not an argument I would win, so I relented.

I told my wife a few months ago that I was willing to give SD21 two more years to get her own place. My wife hit the roof and cursed me out, saying how dare I try to put a time limit on what happened with the death of her son. I told her that wifes, husbands, and all kinds of people lose loved ones all the time, and I'm not saying she is to forget what happened or that she's done mourning, but she needs for her life to move forward. If nothing else for the sake of her other son. That just pissed her off even more. Mind you while she has been living with us, we have taken on the role of being a built-in babysitting service. She goes out two to three times a week leaving the kid with us. I am sick of it because my marriage has once again taken a backseat to SD21 and her grandson.

This past year our lives have completely revolved around SD21 and her needs and I am just f*cking sick of it. It feels like I don't even have a wife anymore and I am married to myself. This past weekend we had plans to go out but didn't because we were too broke. But mind you my wife sure as hell makes sure SD21 has money to do what she wants to do, and I am just beside myself. A few months I was actually taking Prozac for depression but I stopped because I realized my depression was not being caused by some chemical imbalance. A few weeks ago I begged and pleaded with my wife that I want "US" back, and I'm tired of being a built-in babysitter whenever SD21 wants to go somewhere. I am tired of feeling ignored and feeling like an outsider in my own house. I also said I want SD21 to be living on her own by the age of 24. My wife said she understood and she promised me that she would put our marriage first again, but I need to stop stressing over every lil thing SD21 does and just let her handle it. Well in my mind, just letting her handle it is what led us to this point in the first place. I said if we tell her now that she should plan to have her own place in two years, it will give her plenty of time to plan and it won't feel like we're kicking her out. Wife disagrees, and says to just let her handle it. I have this feeling that my wife won't ever say anything to her about this.

Everyday I come home, I am just disgusted looking at her. I love her 2 yr old and he is always excited to see me but sometimes I just shut myself in our room because I don't want to hear about what fun she had last night or that day while I had to work and be responsible while she gets to be a carefree spirit. I don't want to live like this anymore. I love my wife to death, but I am honestly starting to look around at some of the other women who don't have kids and wonder how happier I would be if I didn't have to put up with my dumb ass adult SKIDS. Does anybody have any suggestions? I am at my wits end, and I feel like I'm losing my mind and my marriage. I am a grown man and there some days I get so depressed thinking about the future and SD21 never leaving that I want to cry!!!