He will never change
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Dh told me his ex sent him an email yesterday in which she requested a copy of her daughter's college semester tuition bill that goes directly to dh, and was already paid. Now given all the history you would think he would have told her to f.....off. Instead, he sent it right off yesterday! I looked at him like he was crazy, and he said ....."two wrongs don't make a right". I really wanted to strangle him at that point. He is a Lap dog for his ex and children.......wtf?? I tried to talk to him, but stopped. He and they have some deep,serious issues that I can only stand back and shake my head. I do know finances will continue to be kept separate and my eyes are wide open. But honestly, what made him such a codependent mess?
Yes.......he does this with
Yes.......he does this with everyone.. And it produced daughters and an ex who have treated him like dog poop...........most men never ever would have tolerated their crap. And his ex knows this clearly. She could have tracked it down via the school website, much easier to get it from your pathetic ex. I think she never had respect for him, and last night I was thinking what I wouldn't give for him to act in a more powerful way. But I shut my mouth. No matter what happens down the road, I know that I can never be involved with his daughters given the craziness. My job is to watch from a distance and make sure I am protected ..
No, he was not
No, he was not beat.......came from a very large family and he was always super responsible, even as a little kid..
Yes, his ex does know him, she even hit him at times, cheated on him, verbally abused him........and no reaction.
I guess mental health folks
I guess mental health folks would say this clearly is a sadistic masochistic relationship? It rises to that level . How could not block her from emailing him? It is pathetic.
Your DH's ex and my SO's ex
Your DH's ex and my SO's ex must have been sisters. She did the same thing…hit him, cheated on him and controlled/controls him with their little darlings. She recently cheated him with fake medical co-pays he was paying. Get strong, stay healthy and tell him he "leaves" his ex (since it doesn't sound like he has) or you are leaving him. BUT you have to be prepared to do it. Nice guys finish last….I know because I kept coming last until I stopped being the nice "guy/gal."
*Not my monkeys
not my circus"
I love your quote not Brady
I love your quote not Brady bunch! I have not had contact with his daughters in 4 years and he has not contact with them either, other than for them to get money. However, they will always be circling our wagon so to speak..
I do worry about finances later on.....trying to keep everything separate. I know the oldest daughter must owe close to 80 k on college loans and she still has them postponed because she takes a few night courses. When they come due, I bet she comes looking for my dh.......his mother consigned many of those loans also, so it will be interesting. The way these women have operated is to get a man to pay their way, so hopefully his dsughter will ensnare someone like her father who has money, if not, all bets are off, and I will worry they could have dh knocked off for inheritance. People react this way all the time.
No joke. Our finances are
No joke. Our finances are "separate" for 10 years now, but it is so funny how my money gets pulled into a siphon when he deposits his into the sd17's lap, or when ex wants to see him so she takes him to court, etc. I had to stop my SO from exchanging his kids at the ex's house because she was in court asking to make sure she was still his beneficiary on his life insurance. She is evil and I explained she could easily kill him and have his estranged son (pas-think back to Hi*ler youth) claim he attacked her. Bingo. She is tens of thousands of dollars richer, and all she is ever concerned with is power and money.
You and me need to get
You and me need to get tougher. I need more of the bills paid around here with his money, not just mine.
She did something similar
She did something similar last year. Claimed the youngest as dependent when it was dh's turn. He went audit with irs, and he didn't bat an eye. Most men would have been infuriated, not my dh. He just accepts.....
This is gonna sound really crazy, but his parents gave his daughters some significant money for college. We suspect the ex used it, and asked for bank statement, which never materialized. So last night I said to dh he should have told ex she gets copy of bill when he gets bank statement. He looked at me with a straight face and said that we know she can't give us the statement because likely she took a lot of money from the account! It is like he just accepts their horrendous behavior! I just shut my mouth and left the room.
My husband is the same. He
My husband is the same. He does it because he hates confrontation. He is forever saying "I don't want to pull the tiger's tail." Really? So, the ex and the kids walk all over him. The only one he seems comfortable taking a firm stand with is me. Which annoys the heck out of me, because most of the time it is about the ex or the kids craziness. We do not fight about anything else really. I think, he knows I love him, so he can get away with it with me. His kids play the love card all the time withholding love to get what they want and the like. thus he is very off balance with them.
Yes modern world. My dh is
Yes modern world. My dh is different with me and my kids. Put him back in the relationship with ex and his dsughters, he reverts back to dysfunctional ways. It is predictable, and oh so frustrating for us wives to see it played out, and not be able to make our dh's see it.
I did get dh to read the article I posted here awhile back about how harmful it is for women to have dysfunctional relationships with their fathers. He does see that his ex saw him as her father.........he allowed himself to play that role because he was the absentee father in his own family when he was a child. So it worked for them.......until kids came along and blatant disrespect as ex grew up where her own father was vilified. It goes on and on for generations.