Full disclosure
I married my wife on 12/26/2006.I had no kids and she had one. I was all for being part of their family. We had child of our own 3/2009. The ex-husband controlled her through her child, 8 year DCF in home ince a month all cases unfounded. Finally she let her son go live with his DBD in a court settle. (Abuse allegations, unfounded, her child ran away and went with dad. I was no walk in the park, unable to get employment for very long time (not her fault but I was supported by her.). We moved sold the home, started a new life together in a new place. Her, our son and myself I am and was will to support her, my son, my MIL, and my father with my employment and was doing it. Then come the adult stepson, lost college money for drug possession and now lives with us on my dime. Ok I was told only till he can get on his feet. Under protest I relented (my bad should have dealt with this then.) Then out of the blue, I have to support him, his fiancee and a new born. Mind you none of the were working but me. I asked my wife again how long it would be, and she said she did not know, she went to work to give me some money to support us. FF to this month 24 months later, no money from him or his now wife, we provide 80% of all childcare and cleaning for the under protest by me, falls on deaf ears. I lost it today, got laid off, had to deal with the same crap as always, got way to angry broke a tv and the left to another location so I could collect myself. I am not condoning my actions as I lost control tonight, however the lack balance and give and take along with the new financial loss, caused all the anger, frustration to boil over and I lost myself. No one was assualted, I left as I was the one out of control and I knew it. I am going to file for separation and joint custody of our son. I can no longer live there and keep a sane mind. Ty you for listening
Welcome to the site!
I am sorry to hear all this and hope you get on your feet again soon. In your place I would not have been supporting an adult, his wife and child - this is SS's job. He would not have been living with me, either. I am not in favour of freeloader adults in the household.
It’s good you recognize you lost control
Look, times are hard as it is, and while it's never good to lose control, you certainly had all the ingredients. Good for you for stepping away, collecting yourself, then diving into the root of the problem: your wife.
Moving on from these losers and users can only help you in the long run. You didn't sign up to support 3 adults and a new born, at least one or two of whom are addicts.
May I also suggest some counseling for you? Clearly you are generous to a fault, then let blow ups occur when you are overwhelmed. Talking all this through with a professional can only help you even further in the long run, and will also help you from being hoovered back in to the distinction.
But please do not move back into that house and cut off all support you aren't court ordered to pay. If your is the only name on the house/lease, get a lawyer and start eviction notices now. Get those losers out.
Best of luck to you.
Great advice!
Please update us on how things are going!
Sorry to hear this.
Sorry to hear this.
You were pushed to your breaking point. You gave and these free loaders ONLY took. Your sacrifices were not appreciated and your account of generosity has been overdrawn.
I agree with Aunt Agatha. Cut off all support to these losers and if the house is yours get a lawyer and evict them.
Good Luck
I bet everyone here has "lost
I bet everyone here has "lost it" at some point. Don't beat yourself up over it. You recognized it and took yourself out of the situation. Now, if it gets to be a pattern, that's different, and you'll need to deal with your anger.
No matter how it happened, leaving the situation permanently is surely the best option for you. Expecting you to support a houseful of adults is totally unreasonable. Keep moving forward with your plan--your DW will try to suck you back in, likely make all sorts of promises that she ultimately won't keep.
TY
I am a one an done, for me our releationship is over now, my only concern is getting on my feet and getting time with my son with as little conflict as possible. I am TIRED of fighting.
Update
I am no long welcome at my home, I have a great sister that took me in, looks like now I get to start up divorce proceedings. I left today because I was told by my (now soon to be ex) wife that I could not stay. So instead of fighting or making a big deal about it I got my stuff and went to my sisters house. I have already found a 2 bedroom apartment just putting the money aside to get in. 2 to 3 weeks. Then I can go from there. My heart is broken, I miss my son (even though I will have full access to him). This last year for me has been one kick in the teeth to the next, and I know had I not left thing could have been much worse. I was kicked out(I know the law says she cannot do this, but to not generate anymore conflict, I left.) because I let for 15 hours to cool off. She now has everything she wants and I get to start over and wait for the shaft when it comes to the divorce.
Look at it this way ...
Whatever you may have to give up materially in the divorce, it's worth it if your son has a better chance of growing up with two parents who are not in constant conflict. Staying together might have resulted in disaster for both him and you.
Now is the time to be PROACTIVE and reach out to a counselor who specializes in divorce. Seek out their guidance going forward so you can continue to maintain a healthy relationship with your son. That alone is worth the financial sacrifice.
The only reason this is
The only reason this is happening is because you allow it. Not only do you allow it... you enable and facilitate it.
Stop!