After almost 3 years of marriage, I finally lost it this weekend over my two grown step children that live at home. My SS has been difficult from the beginning and has always been a difficult child even for his own parents. I've invested a lot of time and effort over the past several years trying to develop a level of respect that we could both live with under the same roof. He has a child that was born just as DH and I were married and I adore her and I consider her my grandchild. I care for her and provide for her as well as the DH since SS is still in college, works and lives at home. My SD graduated from college over a year ago and is still living at home also. My two children 23 and 26 are on their own and not living in our home. My SS has been extremely rude to me, called me names and consistently points out to his father that he married the wrong women. He has been violent with his father at times. My SD works and has a few outside interest but spends a lot of time at home. I was recently diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer with bone mets. My step children do not contribute to home chores or responsibilities and in fact, my step daughter will not even clean her room. It is filthy with trash, food, dirty clothes... We have asked her repeatedly to clean it up and she doesn't feel that she has to because it is her room. She also spends her weekends in her PJ's which includes a flimsy tank top with no bra. After many issues recently, I let go and told her that she needs to wear a bra or other clothing at the dinner table and when she is downstairs hanging out with the family. We are tired of seeing too much! Her father also told her that she had to clean her room this weekend, no excuses. She became unglued, saying that we had no right to force her to clean her room or wear a bra downstairs. When we tried to explain why we made the request she would blow everything out of proportion and exaggerating what we required of her. She threatened to move out, which is fine with me, and said until then she will continue to do as she pleases. A few months ago, I finally told her that I am not the cook in the house. That she needed to start purchasing and preparing her own meals. She would come downstairs, ask what was for diner, never help with set up, cooking or clean up, just eat. I got tired of it and started cooking for two. Not to mention, I am on long term chemo and don't always feel well. She has never offered to do anything or help out. SS was also told a few things during my ranting and he also became very mad at me and teamed up with his sister against me. My DH only tries to keep things calm, he rarely stands up for me, even when his son says terrible things. His approach to parenting is if it goes away on its own then there is no need to deal with it. Mine is to speak my mind and deal with issues up front. I'm also a teacher of 18 years and have a lot of experience dealing with discipline and conflict. The weekend was horrible and I can't stand to be home now. I love my house that my husband and I purchased together, even though my stepson says there is no way that any of the new house is mine because I'm just a teacher. I want the step daughter to move out on her own. It's time. We should no longer be paying any of her bills and she should start taking care of herself but I don't know how to make it happen. My DH is too soft and is afraid of hurting his children. The SD also vented to her mom, who has not been an active parent since they were teenagers, and she sent us a message concerned that her children were not being loved or cared for and that we need to do a better job of taking care of her kids. That was the last straw!!! We, not her, pay for everything including cars, college, vacations... She has no right to step into my home and tell me what to do. The more I pressure DH about his children the more he feels stressed about being caught in the middle. How do I get these two adult step children out of the house and out of my marriage? The only argument we have had in three years is about the kids.