Death questions
Forums:
Hate to bring this up on a Saturday morning, but reading this board, scares me.
Ok, if my dh dies first, without a will...what happens? What if he is sick in hospital, am I his next of kin? Do his daughters have any say if I am there?
Houses, we still each have our own. In separate names of course. Can his daughters pull up to his and move in, start taking things? What happens. We live in a non community property state.
My dh basically does not care
My dh basically does not care what happens to his assists. I guess that means he does want the vultures to inherit! Lol!
And yes, they do have keys, and no, he refuses to change the locks.
So yes I do have some items in his house that are from my family and I do consider heirlooms. Would it seem crazy to just take them back to my house now, out of the blue? I probably should make photos of all my items, or ones purchased jointly.
He does have passwords and such to all my accounts. Maybe that is not so good?
A lot of it will depend on
A lot of it will depend on what state you live in. You can look up the basic laws pretty easily through Google. Some states the generality is that spouse gets half the estate, kids split the other half. There are Some states that do things even more unexpectedly wherein a surviving Parent of the deceased will get 1/3 of the estate, the spouse 1/3 and the children 1/3.
Totally agree with Echo - see a lawyer. If he's not interested in seeing a lawyer and making sure that you are protected from them, then You need to a see a lawyer to protect yourself the best you can and see what can be done to make sure that your assets are not considered part of His estate. Then yes, I would make sure that your belongings are in a place where they are protected and change your passwords.
As for medical decisions - legally married means you are next of kin and the decision maker. But if you wind up in the position, make sure you talk to the hospital staff about your situation and that the children are Not authorized to give consent for anything. Staff should also be able to put you in contact with a social worker to help you deal with the wacky relatives.
So I guess what would happen
So I guess what would happen is if he passed, and as soon as they would get word, the ex would be in in his house pilfering anything of value. Including my heirlooms, which are not much, but important to me.
I would bet money on it. But important to know now. I guess how do I take my items back without having an argument with dh? The past month our marriage was hanging by a thread. I guess let it go for awhile.
Talk about getting your wills
Talk about getting your wills done. That's the perfect opening for why you'd take things back to your other house. Before you tell anyone he died, call a locksmith first. That'll keep the vultures out.
When mil passes, we will tell
When mil passes, we will tell the skids once via text and that is all. They will show up or not. We just don't want to put ourselves out there anymore.
16 mom---I will file your
16 mom---I will file your thought away and definitely do that if god forbid dh passes suddenly. That makes me feel safer, and not so vulnerable. Second marriage are not for the faint of her heart!!! Very very tough going sometimes. But I do think that in a few years, when my last child graduates high school, my world will be a much different place. Go to work, and then what. I will be thankful to have someone to share my life with. Honestly, I could easily be single now. I have work, kids to keep me busy. I am happy to come home, and after dinner, put my feet up for an hour. However, these days are numbered, and a life alone is not what I envision. That is what keeps me going through the tough times.
Our kids are all grown and
Our kids are all grown and out of the house. Four of six are married. Osd has the only grandchild we aren't allowed to see bc dh put a pic on fb... An insane situation but after eight years of being shit on I turned the corner too, with the help of this site, and have disengaged. I always wanted a big happy blended family because I didn't even know anyone divorced...thought that's how u do it. But the ex is a vile and evil pos victim who set her kids up to hate dad. Youngsters are so impressionable. Unfortunately dh has decided osd is just like her mother and will never stop playing games. I fear there will come a time she wants us in her life again but 11 years of being put down, and beaten up, ignored, talked about , treated rude and their selfishness... Is enough. I'll never forgive them for what they've done to dh the past year. And they'll never see a dime or an heirloom item of ours.
You really don't want to keep
You really don't want to keep his house from his kids, after all you do have your own. If its important that you live in his house after he dies a Living Trust can be set up to allow you to live there until you die, move or remarry.
Sh.. happens. Get anything really dear to you out of the house in case they manage to loot the place. If that happens you will have already taken a video tape of the whole interior items including inside closets and drawers containing items of value and report the break-in and theft. Or just the theft if they have keys.
Obviously real expensive stuff like jewelry is not in the house but your safe deposit box. Here's a tip. Items that you are not really using, jewelry or heirloom furniture, china, etc - give it to the people you want to have it right now. Its then safe from his kids and they can look you in the eye and tell you thank you and maybe how important you are to them. While you're still there to appreciate it.
Consider moving both of you to your house where you can control the keys. Or, create a 'safe room'. This would be a interior closet with a regular door not sliding. Have a carpenter strengthen its security by putting in a solid door, hinged on the INSIDE, with a dead bolt lock. Extra strong door frame. It's your giant safe deposit box.
See an attorney for the Living Trust.
When my sister and her
When my sister and her husband divorced, he kept the house and paid her out. They had two children together. Fast forward her ex and his wife were killed in a car accident. Her son said to her if there was anything in the house she wanted as a keepsake she was welcome to go around one night and take something. My sister was/is a manipulator, had those kids convinced she was a victim, that their father was an arse. It was the other way round, but no one was going to bad mouth the mother to the kids.
Well he gave her the keys to go get her souvenir. She ransacked that house. Even took the wife's perfumes from her bedroom drawers.
Protect yourself. People are vultures. Well, some people anyway. Far too many people, and in the case of second marriages the type of thing my sister did is not uncommon.
Life insurance is no
Life insurance is no guarantee -- beneficiaries can be changed very easily. Even if someone names you as beneficairy now, doesn't mean they can't go back and take you off of it without your knowledge. That includes spouses.
Yes, but 401K's are legally
Yes, but 401K's are legally left to the spouse
I think that is true only in
I think that is true only in community property states.
My IRA beneficiary is my sister. My attorney (non comm. prop. state) is a retired judge with tons of experience so I trust that he is correct on this.
You do not need spousal consert to change the beneficiary in many states.
in most states, you can't
in most states, you can't take a spouse off without their written permission, i think.
This thread has made me go
This thread has made me go look at my state's probate laws. I'm shocked. If what I have read is correct, then the skids and gkids are entitled to 2/3 of the estate if we don't have a will. This estate that I helped build with my money and actions over the last 25 years. Oh hell no. Not a gold-digger, just someone who has put at least 50% into it. we've been farting around with this for too long.
Thanks guys.
Not wanting to cut them out
Not wanting to cut them out completely and DH agrees not 2/3's.
So did we, until I looked it
So did we, until I looked it up.